I really need to update this post as so many people read it.
Sadly, after the disgraceful way Kristian was buried (please see below) with friends and family excluded from the church by Kristian’s mother Paula Dubois I receive word that this woman continues her shameful and destructive antics.
Stephen, Kristian’s long time partner, very kindly organised a memorial for us all at Southwark Cathedral but was forced by Kristian’s mother to cancel the event.
Paula drove from Devon, stormed into Southwark Cathedral and threatened to disrupt the Memorial Service to be held for hundreds of Kristian’s friends and Family.
I know that Kristian would have been appalled and saddened that this has happened. I am confused as to why Paula continues to behave like this toward the friends of her sweet heart son who in death surely deserves her love and not her bile.
Paula, when she is not in Devon, lives in the house Kristian built with Stephen in East London. The house she is now trying to steal entirely for herself.
Paula Dubois is not a well woman. A diagnosed personality disorder. Alienated from most of her family. Fighting tooth and nail to keep Stephen from keeping his half of the property that he owned with Kristian.
This woman will not keep any of Kristian’s friends from remembering him, loving him and wishing Stephen well at this difficult time.
THE ORIGINAL POST March 22nd 2010
Kristian Digby‘s funeral will take place tomorrow in Torquay Devon at Midday.
A great friend of Kristian’s let me know this morning that Kristian’s ex-boyfriend Stephen has been told to stay away from the funeral by Kristian’s parents. In the end he missed the service and stood at a respectful distance at the burial.
I am saddened by their decision.
Both his Mother and Father, who he worked so tirelessly to include in his adult life, cut him out of theirs when he came out to them as a young gay man.
In his own words to me and others: Their betrayal scarred him irrevocably.
I loathe that the man who loved him and shared his life might not be at the funeral. It’s like a scene from a bad gay movie. I wouldn’t even think it was true unless I had heard it from a reputable source.
Gay men depend upon their parents, first and foremost, when they come out. When we speak the truth we need to heard, respected and loved. Whilst I understand that nothing can prepare a parent for the news, one would think that it should not be a ‘shock’ to the enlightened.
When gay men reveal themselves at what ever age it is a humbling experience but it needn’t be a negative one.
I encourage my closeted friends to let their family know the truth in the most joyful way possible. Our lives as gay men and women are extraordinary and should be viewed so by our loved ones. We should live without fear of judgement, without fear of rejection and it is up to our friends and family to make sure that our second birth as gay men and women is made as comfortable as possible.
I am perfectly sure that Kristian’s parents, like many parents, wanted what they saw as a normal life for their son: marriage to a woman, children and the ease that they perceive being straight affords them.
We who are ‘out’ have chosen to tell the truth, even though we continue to be excluded from the most basic and fundamental human rights-marriage, equality, and even the right to attend our loved ones funerals.
Our lives are so often blighted with lies, forced to lie to those who love us most for fear of rejection. Encouraged to lie by our own government so we can serve our country unencumbered and remain in the shadows. Never underestimate the lengths some gay men will go to hide their true nature. We must always understand that living a lie is never easy. It is like living in perpetual darkness.
All too often young, devoutly religious gay men, crippled by shame, take their own lives rather than reveal who they are. Suicide, an option my friend’s parents offered him when he came out. Religious bigotry continues to be responsible for the deaths of so many of us-mostly by our own hand. After all, why bother killing the gays like they do in Iran when you can get self hating Christian homosexuals to kill themselves?
So, my gay brothers and sisters, be resolute and fearless and joyful when you tell your family who you are. Be swift and sure. Be kind and considerate to those who are disappointed but have no truck with those who seek to rain on your parade.
Remember that you have a legion of us who support you and love you and want the very best for your gay lives.
Kristian paid a huge price for telling the truth to his parents.
Unsurprisingly I bludgeoned mine and gave them no recourse for negativity. Indeed I was thrilled at the prospect of becoming the next generation of a remarkable tribe of men and women who have shaped the modern world, from Alexander the Great to Elton John, through Carravaggio and Alan Turing.
28 March 2010
Addendum
More facts emerging from the Kristian Digby funeral fiasco. Kristian’s mad mother apparently very dismissive about KD at funeral to his visibly upset father. Friends and some family members and work colleagues unable to attend the funeral-asked to stay away. Real friends got together at tree in Torquay and buried box of memories. One friend reporting that Kristian’s coffin was dragged into church rather than carried respectfully. I will repeat my earlier assertions: Kristian’s mother Paula Dubois is an insensitive hag who ruined great portions of her son’s life. The truth will out.
Kristian’s Facebook page was almost immediately deleted and his name changed to John Smith. I recently found all of his many emails to me and hand written notes and the photographs of us when we were briefly together.
After my stint on TV here in the USA he wrote:
“I think your one of life great creations thats brings much-needed colour to the world – I am cynical about media but not you.”
There are occasions in life when no really means no. I am not really the kind of guy who accepts no for an answer but occasionally I hear the word No and I can’t possibly ignore the implications.
