Archives for posts with tag: Wine

Robby, the twin that hung around in the womb a full twenty minutes longer than Miles is urging me to go to breakfast at the bottom of the hill.  It is 9am and it is already very hot here in Malibu.

The dog is sprawled on his bed in the sun.

Miles is on set somewhere nearby.

Last night Armand popped in and we took Robby’s car and had dinner at Dukes.  Dukes, the restaurant of little culinary interest at the bottom of the hill.  Why?  Mainly because I found one of the waiters attractive.  I met him in Starbucks last week and he told me that he would ‘hook us up’.  I didn’t eat anything because the food looked so rancid.  They had burgers and Caesar Salad and calamari and beer.

We were not hooked up.

Yesterday afternoon, after my long walk with Miles down Rambla Pacifico, my Australian friend Daniel turned up with a bottle of white wine.  I poured him a glass and looked at it longingly.  Crisp white wine on a warm Californian afternoon.

We have many friends in common in Sydney and it was so nice to hear all the news.  I am sure if I just looked on Facebook I could have found out for myself but it was lovely listening to him tell me all about everything and everybody…the weather and the burgeoning Australian economy.   The drought has ended, the reservoirs are full.

We headed into Malibu where we ate lunch at the Deli.  The once very fat man who runs the Deli has lost 130lbs just by NOT eating white bread.  He looks so much happier.

After lunch, as we were wandering around the absurdly priced shopping Mall, a beautiful man with a bleeding dog begged me to tell him where the vet was.  His beautiful labrador had been bitten in her face by a Rattle Snake. My worst nightmare.

I pointed him in the right direction.

He had been sucking the poison out of her face.  I hope she survived.

Armand stayed long after I went to bed.  Teaching Robby how to use his synthesiser.

This morning I squeezed fresh grapefruit from my tree.  Ruby red.  Delicious.

When I left Joe after 7 years I could not understand why he was so angry with me.

I was old enough to know better.

Perhaps he had separation issues?  My arrogant reasoning.  Whatever it was, after I felt him his fury lasted for two years.  Perhaps I deserved it?  My ‘kindly’ leaving him, after all that I promised, was worth being punished for?

I know now that I certainly deserved it.

There is no good goodbye.  There is no way to ‘kindly’ leave someone you have loved and who loves you.   I loved Joe so badly but when it was time to go I had to pack my bags and leave.  Of course…it was not going to be that simple…I had the full weight of a billionaire’s wrath focused on me.  We ended up in court…well, I ended up outside a court room negotiating with his representative.

I was a litigant in person which meant that I repped myself.  I handled my own divorce.  I was happy with the outcome.  Who wouldn’t be?

I was also, at that time, two years sober.   I couldn’t have left him if I had been drinking.   The foundation on which our relationship was built had been sodden with white wine and Maker’s Mark since we first met.

Even after we had thrown everything we could at one another during our very messy divorce I still wanted to be his friend.  My love is not so easily discarded.  Like it or not people (his friends) we have seen each other since that time.  I wanted so badly to be at peace with him.

Surely that’s not unreasonable?

I made a hefty financial and emotional amends.  I paid him over $1, 000, 000.   I refused to hate him.  Yet, like it or not, I was on a solitary path.  On my own.  From then on I just couldn’t bear the pain of falling out of love.

Not until last year did I risk opening my heart again. Ha!  Look where that ended up.  What galls me most is that I attempted, yet again, a kind goodbye and yet again I was rebuffed.

When relationships end it seems unthinkable that a workable peace cannot be achieved.  That an amends can’t be made.  That adults can’t find a solution and part amicably.

My part.  What is my part?  How do I take responsibility for my actions?  The choices I make?  I assure you that I know all too well that given the correct information ahead of time I will try to do the right thing.

Even if, as was the case, I was duped into my last relationship.

How can anyone make the right life choice when the facts have been so skewed?

When I am lied to, when the truth is withheld from me how am I expected to make good choices?  That is how we find ourselves in this present pickle.

I simply would not have entertained knowing JB if he had told me the truth.

The house smells of hyacinth.  The boys are making themselves midnight snacks.  They dragged me to the movies.    We saw Paul which we really enjoyed.  We were the only people in the cinema.