This morning I lay in bed battling the resentments. I made coffee and called the Katonah small claims court and had the forms faxed over to start my proceedings against him. Quite without knowing why I called Joan and she told me that she had heard from him and he was hurt. So, my heart melted and I threw away the forms. By doing so I kinda threw in the towel. Threw away the resentment and let him go.
I really don’t want to hurt him. I really don’t.
I sent him a short letter and that was that.
All I wanted from the very beginning was to let him go like a mouse that you find in the house. You don’t worry what happens to the mouse..you hope it survives but it’s really up to the mouse.
It’s going to take time to stop thinking about him. I’m realistic about it.
So I wrote this:
Listen. I know I have hurt you. I know that you will probably never forgive me.
I am not going to try getting the money. I want you to enjoy the friends I introduced you to and I hope that you can profit from those contacts from which you were meant to profit.
I hope you will one day understand why I couldn’t continue with our friendship. That I really loved you.
I am truly sorry for everything. For my part in this disaster.
I don’t know if I can stop writing about this on my blog. I will try.
Of course I want you to be happy, to find love. You will, as I have said a million times, make someone a wonderful husband.
The reason that I am writing this is because you told Joan how hurt you were and I hate that. In the abstract you can be hurt badly but in reality I don’t want you to suffer any more than you already are.
The fantasy and the reality of Jake.
You will be pleased to hear that during my last CNN appearance all I could see on the other side of the camera was your face.
It ruined it. I’m not doing that again.
I hope you understand better now why i decided why we can’t be friends or have contact.
You reacted so badly to my thoughtful note. I wasn’t trying to be cruel but I just don’t want half measures in my life.
So, now I have dropped a bomb on you in my blog and I don’t know how to make it right. You can find solace in the fact that you are weekly in the top ten most read blogs subjects on my page.
Remember, in the words of The Bard:
“love is not love that alters when alteration finds nor bends to the remover to remove”
This has been hard for both of us.
Let’s see if we can both forgive and forget.