Passion Fruit

I can always tell when JB has had a particularly social weekend because on Monday morning there are people googling him.

It makes me happy that he is out there meeting people, enjoying his new gay life.

He deserves it.

He really is a very sweet man.

I hope that he is happy.  I do.  I hope that he has consigned me to the past and made his peace with the ex-girlfriend.

My fantasy is that he has met a man who he can love and settle on.   He can do what I have attempted to do but have failed.  It was that particular line in his last email that hurt me most, the way he derided my ability/hope to make a successful relationship.   Mocking me.  Though it may be true that is the last thing you want to hear from a man who you love.

He is out there having a blast.  He will attract wonderful people into his life.  For him, the dark days are over.   One thing is for sure: he isn’t going to make any of the mistakes that he made before.  How do I know this?  Because he is a sensible guy.

Today, I wish him all the best.

Okay, this is the deal:  my ticket to London is now booked for the 17th.  Why has this taken so long?  Because I had to make everything secure here before I went home.   I mean emotionally as well as practically .

I don’t want to bring a troubled mind into a situation that requires absolute focus.

I need to get well.  I need to recuperate.  I need to go where the love it.

So, I have been going to meetings, dealing with my STUFF.  I got into a palava before dinner on Saturday night with a rather unpleasant, drunk lesbian but rather than write about what happened I think I may just try to forget all about it…unless it bites me in the ass.  Drama included Ellen (yes that one) a vile decorator and her equally vile gay son.

If I get particularly moody this week we may just consign this to history.

Decorators?  Who needs them?

Bumped into David Furnish (Mrs Elton John) who can scarcely conceal his loathing for me.  He is Elizabeth Hurley’s great friend so this is totally understandable.  I don’t mind my pariah role.  I am who I am, flaws and all…yet I know that I am not just my flaws.   As I have said before..in society we need our devils and our angels.    It is a role that I own and have undoubtedly made my own.

Barry is here from Whitstable on his way to Australia.  It’s lovely having him around.   We are going into Beverly Hills this afternoon.

Rained heavily all night, today the sun is shining.

The weekend was spent largely with Gabe.  He cooked lunch here on Saturday and the four of us ate grilled pork chops, brussel sprouts and bacon with crushed walnuts and some wonderful kale.

We picked passion fruit (I am going to make passion fruit creme brule) lemons and figs from the garden.   We peeled the figs, reduced them in balsamic vinegar and made a cherry and fig compote to eat with the chops.

Dinner at SHLA on Saturday night (bad food) and Chateau Marmont (good food) for brunch the following day.  Saw Marilyn Heston.  Everybody is very excited about Miami Basel.

The weekend was very social, lots of fun..amusing celebrity sightings and a good deal of flirting.  I like my life right now, returned to normal…I have much to look forward to.

On Sunday afternoon I lay by the fire at Soho House reading the Observer, chatting with friends, eating home made cookies and milk.  In bed by 8pm…exhausted.

Script notes arrived from JA.  Will attend to them this evening.

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