HLN again tonight. 4pm my time. Fantasia follow-up and more sex tape discussion, this time about Heidi and Spencer Pratt and my FAVE topic..Tiger Woods. I love going into CNN with my button down and coat to trash talk celebrity. It’s so much fun.
Let me know if you watch it.
Everyday I see who and why people are visiting this blog. Not individually of course but how many people and what they typed into the search engine to get to my blog. Every day people look for Kristian Digby, hundreds of people. It’s lovely that people come to this blog to find the facts about his funeral and where he is buried etc. I feel as if, in some small way, I am being of service.
Which brings me to my next topic. Being of service. One of my commentators very rightly pointed out that I have been less than kind recently on these pages. Very unforgiving. This was an accurate criticism and one that I am going to take care of addressing.
Of course I have forgiven Irene and Jake. Irene because she is so like me and Jake because, poor little lamb, he didn’t have a clue what he was getting involved with. Mostly I have forgiven myself. I loathe being angry Duncan.
I am having a great time NOT having to worry about Jake. He’s going to be just fine. He’ll meet a lovely man (one day) and settle down and do whatever he has to do to make life exciting. He’s good-looking, intelligent, funny..a perfect combination. The other gays seem to get where he is coming from so he’ll get on with his gay life with aplomb.
So, I am sorry for being a knob about you JB but you kinda deserved it.
I have a great deal to be happy about. I forget regularly this very important fact. I don’t have to think about all the shitty times I can remember the good times. The sweet times. What I learned.
Relationships are very confusing. It’s best that I don’t have them or think about them. I lose my balance when I am in a relationship. As for sex? Well, this weekend I am invited to a ‘sex party’ in Long Beach…hahhahaha..yeah right…that sounds like HELL. I would rather have Saudi’s gauge out my eyes.
Spent a lovely evening with a bunch of gay men last night. I have always wanted a group of gay men around me who I like and trust and am inspired by. Last night I kinda found that rather than hanker after a bunch of cool gay friends..I already had them. After dinner we watched The Graduate and then a two-hour long Q&A with Dustin Hoffman. It really was a magical evening.
Read in the Observer yesterday that the Editor of Attitude magazine, a British gay glossy, had written a lively piece about gay men’s mental health and how toxic shame can destroy our lives.
He quoted Alan Downs The Velvet Rage which any self-respecting gay has read a million times since it was published 5 years ago. The editor was concerned that his readers would consider it controversial. It’s about bloody time that we looked at how shame has shaped our lives.
“Yes, we have more sexual partners in a lifetime than other groups of people,” Downs writes. “At the same time, we also have among the highest rates of depression and suicide, not to mention sexually transmitted diseases. As a group, we tend to be more emotionally expressive than other men, yet our relationships are far shorter on average than those of straight men.
“We have more expendable income, more expensive houses, more fashionable cars, clothes, furniture than just about any other cultural group. But are we truly happier?”
Exactly, why bother taking ourselves seriously when there’s stuff to buy?
The reason why so few editors of Gay magazines write about gay mental health is that they are all BONKERS and terrible drinkers and drug takers. A sober gay man is still an anomaly.
Cancer update: Toby Mott just suggested that I ebay my balls.
6 replies on “Anomaly”
i just wanted to say that the blue shirt you wore looked really great, and i like the less facial hair look. your comments were right on, until you got cut off that is! i hope HLN gives you your own show, or keeps hiring you per diem. i love to hear your comments and read your blog. glad to see you so happy!
i would only by them if dee were signed
Re: “The truth: Relationships are very confusing for me. It’s best that I don’t have them or think about them. I lose my balance when I am in a relationship.” Duncan – did you just see the film “Eat, Pray, Love” because this is a very close quotation to what the protagonist says. Saw that film last week (against my will – it was 122 degrees in the desert. I needed a “cooling station”) then started wondering why the hell I chose a solitary, celibate lifestyle for the past 15 (count ’em) years. For those of us who strive to love – really love – it’s not easy to connect in a culture which encourages narcissism wherein predators of a sort take advantage of those with pure motivations for companionship, love and hopefully commitment. Quod Erat Demonstrandum. Wishing a complete restoration of your health and wellbeing, Leslie
Duncan,
My quick take: You should do for balls what Katie Couric did for the colon. Plus with the iPhone’s ability to shoot video and the editing apps, you wouldn’t even need a camera crew. 🙂 As for eBay… why am I thinking about “Stranger In A Strange Land”…. Too twisted.
Blessings,
Amanda
Duncan,
I’m glad, I really am that you are in the process of forgiving Irene and Jake. I really am. The energy spent on resentment is something that you don’t need right now. However, I said process, because it is, a process. You don’t just snap your fingers and it’s all okay, especially when one person is trying to ruin your reputation and your finances — and despite your protestations about not caring about your reputation, you’ve done all you can to build it back up, and it has to hurt when someone attacks you — and the other has used your heart like a chew toy. Some anger is justified and you need to feel it. I know that because Anthony comes forward and goes to DefCon 5 that anger is an issue, but there’s a difference between having rage spill out and feeling honest anger. You need to feel your feelings. The more you let yourself feel your anger, the less it will feed the nuclear arsenal that you sit on and the more you will be able to appropriately act on your anger when it comes up. I’m especially glad that you have forgiven yourself and have stopped beating yourself up. You need to treat yourself as kindly as you generally treat everyone else.
You said “…Jake …, poor little lamb, he didn’t have a clue what he was getting involved with.” Grrrr. He saw you on “Sex Rehab”, he’s read your blog where you’ve talked about all your sobriety and anger issues, and I’m sure that he’s seen “AKA”. And he didn’t know who he was getting involved with? He pursued you. He wooed you. He was as you say a fame whore, who wanted to be your agent and to have access to your connections and celebrity friends. And to have you on the back burner while he set the town on fire. Forgive him, do, but don’t justify what he did. Please. You deserved so much better. But you were intent on distracting yourself and so you did. He really should be past tense and I don’t know if the small claims court is a great idea because it’s just another distraction and right now you don’t need any distractions. BTW, did you call the London police station? You did mention that you’d forgotten. Kind of important, that.
You said “Relationships are very confusing. It’s best that I don’t have them or think about them. I lose my balance when I am in a relationship.” but then “Spent a lovely evening with a bunch of gay men last night. I have always wanted a group of gay men around me who I like and trust and am inspired by. Last night I kinda found that rather than hanker after a bunch of cool gay friends..I already had them.” Relationships are confusing as hell for all of us, dude. There’s a reason why a book was written called “Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus”. But now that you’ve found your tribe, maybe you can just talk things out with them. I’m not talking encounter group but just a bunch of gay guys talking about life. Kinda like “The Good Men Project.” After all, you talked a while back about going on your first real date and you’ve only been sexually sober for a little over a year, so of course things are going to be confusing. You’ve got a steep learning curve ahead of you. But you’re up to it. Damn, Duncan, all that you’ve been through, you’re wicked, scary smart and tenacious. You’re going to be the best soulmate you can be. I’m sure of it.
I totally agree about the legacy of toxic shame that’s like a poison in the gay community that is still being fed by homophobia. I think though that when Alan Downs talked about the financial advantages of a lot of gay men, he was making the point that as in straight culture, so many people who have become advantaged are asking “Is that all there is?”. It’s the same question that was posed when it was found that the second highest suicide rate among high school students in the country was at a privileged “Beverly Hills 90010” type high school. The kids had everything this culture says makes you feel fulfilled and happy, yet they were desperately unhappy and empty. It really is about the content of your character and not the contents of your bank account. Happiness starts from within. Took me a while for that to penetrate and I’m still working on it, as shopalholic used to be my default position. I am the perennial grasshopper. Trying to be the butterfly. 🙂
Remember, concentrate on the positive energy and let the rest just slide off. Good energy multiples exponentially and is synergistic. Keep your pecker up. [Brit speak. ;)]
Blessings,
Amanda
P.S. I was being snarky with that “Stranger In A Strange Land” crack, what with the people who seem to be wanting to devour you at times. (Even though in the book, it was a good thing.) I figured that you could use a bit of snark. 😉
Duncan,
I forgot to mention how much I liked the photograph. It looks like a piece of abstract art. Was it taken on the patio? I love the way the light and shadow create it from the structure of the chair and… there’s a table, right? 🙂
Blessings,
Amanda