East 10th St, New York City 2010 again. The little dog and I traversed the city (east/west) three times today. It makes us very happy. My feet hurt. The little dog is curled up, fast asleep, beside me. I flew out of LAX yesterday afternoon, arrived late at JFK and miserably stayed at the JFK Comfort Inn as amazingly could not find a single room in any hotel near to where I usually stay in NYC, in fact, there wasn’t a room anywhere in Manhattan less than $1, 800 a night.
The Comfort Inn is a bit of a misnomer as it isn’t very comfortable nor is it ’in’. My room stank of old cigarettes and feet. Even the little dog was suspicious of the bed and refused to get under the covers. There was a $250 fine for smuggling animals into the rooms apparently.
Thank God we didn’t know.
When I arrived I was warned not to leave the hotel because it was dangerous. Hmmm.
“Is this the hood?” I asked innocently.
All week I received evocative, beautiful letters from Italy, descriptive, sexy and exciting. I await his return with delicious anticipation. I will be back in LA ready to be there fully for him.
It delights me! Everyday I get his beautiful loving emails. All this comfort and joy from a man who loves me and is not ashamed to say the words: I LOVE YOU. He is sure to tell me that he loves me, to make sure that I understand what this means. That it means something.
I came to NYC to help celebrate the birthday of a man who said he didn’t have anything to do. Now, apparently, he is sick and unable to leave his house so it looks like I am in NYC spending money needlessly. Call me foolish, call me an idiot tell me that I shouldn’t have made the effort! Remind me once again; wagging your fat pink finger at me ‘what did you expect?’.
The following morning I took the subway from The Comfort Inn into the West Village where I met J&J for lunch. It seems that VH1 is very well watched by the residents of Queens as once on the Subway I was stared at, talked about and asked for autographs. Once up on the Soho House roof we ate an emotional lunch due to my realizing that if my friend had known he was sick the morning I flew here why didn’t he just let me know?
So, there I am on the roof of Soho House telling my best friends that I am a fucking idiot and hating myself more than any one of you could ever hate me.
I was pleased to have two of my closest friends in town. I couldn’t actually eat my lunch because I was so ‘emotional’ and a ‘drama queen’. I am so sick of being treated like an idiot by a man who obviously has no respect for me and considers me some kind of sappy pushover.
Oh fuck it. I can’t be bothered to work it out. Anyway, he got what he wanted-I am now disengaged at a much deeper level than I was before. Totally. It is hard not to feel like I have been used. Needless to say my gesture of friendly goodwill has massively backfired. Some things are just not meant to be.
That all said of course, I am happy to be home in NYC and immediately lose weight pounding the streets. It is wonderful to be back in the city. Wonderful to have all those faces to gaze, everyone is so handsome. Windows to stare into, the anticipation of rain, city life at my fingertips.
The little dog loves NYC and we were up at 5.30am in Tompkins Square Park where we saw a feral cat and NO RATS. He fixated on squirrels and I on the vagaries of this mad and exotic city.
Back at home in the East Village now. Dan and I are catching up.
Dinner at Prune last night, I ate the mussels in lobster broth. Delicious.
7 replies on “Comfort Inn”
glad your actually enjoying yourself, , so the trip isnt a total wash! Lots of people in this world that take, not many that give..its always a disapointment when you figure out who those people are. But, lookin on the bright side, you and lil dog are having fun! and your boo is obviously missing you as much as you miss him. Silver linings to those clouds D. Have a wonderful time and no one will wag a pinky at you. 🙂
Duncan,
You are NOT an idiot! You are a very kind, caring, generous man. I’m so sorry that your “friend” disappointed you. I’m glad that you’re with some old, good friends to spend time with in NYC. I’m glad that you’re enjoying the city with the little dog.
You sound so happy when you talk about the letters from Italy. I’m so glad that your mood has lightened. I know that you will be fully present when he gets back to LA, as you are becoming more fully present , regardless. Your spirit is blooming. Don’t let anyone or anything change your wonderful heart.
Good luck in all your NYC endeavors.
Blessings,
Amanda
The Comfort Inn on Houston? Mmmm… Yonah Schimmel’s knishes and latkes.
Duncan, the self-loathing is a NO-WIN. Without being all ‘airy-fairy’, the universe is emphasizing THIS message about THIS person. No judgements, just information. Lashing yourself will not help; see the situation (and the man) as clearly as possible.
Sorry for your disappointment – so good your friends are here and you are sharing the city (& it’s smells) with your Little Dog.
Couldn’t agree more about the idea of a message with no judgments.
Blessings.
Glad you’re enjoying NYC with Little Dog. I am so sorry about what happened to you in LA with the jerk and the can of alcohol. I am sorry anyone has to go through this.
Susan is so right about the self-loathing issue. It is a no-win. But I have found that those of us who are addicts of some kind, tend to well, wallow in our self-loathing. It’s so easy to find ourselves there, and to stay there, because it allows us to pout, to point fingers and completely disengage. Lord knows I’ve done it enough to know.
But the days are getting longer and spring is here. When Mr. 18th Century comes back from Italy, the act of being there fully for him will leave you with a lot less time for the self-loathing, and that’s a good thing. But in the meantime, be there fully for *yourself.* Continue maintaining your sobriety and doing those good things you know help maintain it.
Take care of yourself. In every way.
Peace, prayers for health, sobriety and serenity, and God bless!
For pete’s sake enough of these shenanigans !!! I am in love with love , who isnt ? This is not LOVE.
Crap, at this point this isnt even infatuation . Is he really sick , or is this an excuse to bow out gracefully ? Enough with him~off with his head ! (joke )
Enjoy your time there and rid yourself of this wart.
The last time I read your blog I remember that you mentioned going back to NYC soon. I was there all week, and wondered if you were in town. Glad you had a great trip. Visiting there makes me want to rethink my LA plans. I feel so pleasant when in NYC.