So. My main obsession as of the 15th April is not some stray boy but this: I now have an assigned parking place at my apartment building in Hollywood.
I am free to come and go without fear of having nowhere to park.
This may mean nothing to those of you who live in parking heaven-like Kensington London or Bourke Street Sydney but to me in Hollywood club land where every miserable Saturday night I spent HOURS looking for somewhere to park it is like driving through the pearly gates.
Bloody Hell!
I can now glide effortlessly behind my mechanized gate and slip into a glove of a parking place. Bliss.
Implications: less gas used in car, less walking to and from the house, less time squandered looking for parking, accurate departure and arrival schedule. I no longer curtail my pleasure in fear of no parking.
Oh brother, that I conned myself into not paying for assigned parking because I would save money! I ended up paying $700 in parking tickets last year. Can you believe it?
The little dog and I have an exciting day ahead of us. Very glamorous party in Beverly Hills. Dinner with Dane. My morning meeting in West Hollywood first though. Let’s get reconnected with God and AA and start today as I mean to go on, getting stronger, refilling my poor depleted heart with the love of mankind and not one man but all of you-the great collective.
Why in hells name is love so fucking painful? Why do I do this to myself? Why? What lesson do I refuse to learn?
I know things are bad when I start imagining that I am a great chanteuse wearing Chanel. At least YOU got a laugh out of it dear readers.
The truth will set me free. That is all we have. At the end of the day, that is all we have.
P.S. And I promise this is not some morbid recall. One of the best things you know who did for me when he was being eager-beaver-boy was to start editing my blog for publication.
I must admit that it was really rather good. This makes me think that I should pull out those ancient diaries and start cobbling together some sort of autobiography. It would be selfish not to really, wouldn’t it?
5 replies on “Parking”
A wonderful idea, Duncan! Your blog alone has helped me and so many others! I appreciate your honesty and self-awareness and that is far from selfish. That is courage and growth. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and emotions, you give me the courage to stay in my “present” journey.
XoXXo,
Jennifer
Ever wondered why the recovery rate for alcoholics who don’t go to AA is the same for those who do? Ever wondered who really wrote the steps? (It wasn’t Bill W, it was Frank Buchman). Ever wondered about the founders links with the Nazi party and the modern christian right? Ever wonder who really wrote the Big Book and why they never recovered? (Perhaps because they were cheated out of the copyright?)
You too can be free of AA forever. Enjoy!
Dude. Seriously? This is what you decided to do with part of your day… share THIS? Perhaps you overlooked:
“A.A. History – Emmet Fox and Alcoholics Anonymous”: http://www.barefootsworld.net/aaemmetfox.html. Emmet Fox wrote in his “Sermon On The Mount”: “God is the only power, and that evil is insubstantial; that we form our own destiny by our thoughts and our beliefs; that conditions do not matter when we pray; that time and space and matter are human illusions; that there is a solution to every problem; that man is the child of God, and God is perfect good.”
I hope that whatever motivated you to post what you did turns you loose soon.
Blessings.
Glad that you sprung for parking. Life is stressful enough and it’s worth every penny to ease that stress — I know, I live in SF and I won’t live somewhere unless there is parking!
Great idea about pulling together an autobiography. I’ve often thought that your blog is the perfect genesis for a screen play!
…commenting on a previous blog: True love isn’t hard and it doesn’t hurt
Duncan,
Gratitude for the simple things… like a parking space of one’s own. You’re already starting out the day in a good place.
As to why you “do this to myself”… you settle. You still don’t really believe that you can get, let alone deserve someone who is not damaged and unhealthy because you ask yourself why in God’s name would they want to be with you. So you get someone where you put on your Therapist/Fixer t-shirt and you can feel safe because you’re the one in control. (Oh, the lies we tell ourselves. And masochism is it’s own reward. Isn’t that hilarious? Not. I actually knew someone who had that on a t-shirt. For real. Yikes.) You sing “… send me someone who is kind and somewhat sincere”. How about kind, sincere and healthy? Or at least as kind, sincere and healthy as you. Someone to meet you on your level because dear Duncan, despite your caveats, to the contrary, YOU ARE SO WORTH THE EFFORT. Bloody hell, man, do you never give yourself a fucking break?
You are a phoenix. Stop acting like a damn charbroiled goose. *Metal Rabbit with permission, gives Duncan a bear hug & a lei.* I think that writing your autobiography is a great idea. If only to give yourself a little perspective.
Blessings,
Amanda