Dogs Travel

Rocky Outcrop

The final day of my holiday with the mysterious travelling companion.  We are staying in Cannes then will make our way home tomorrow.   Will update you all on the tone of the past few days when I get some space between the adventure and me.

We arrived in Cannes yesterday afternoon.  Last night I ate salad Nicoise in a small brasserie behind the Majestic that I enjoy whenever I have been here for the film festival.

The last time I was here was when Suzanna and I rented that house in Seillans.  I had driven to Cannes to take Dicky to the station curtailing his time with us.  After a walk around the harbor he decided to stay.  Now, THAT vacation was hard.  Surly children, love affairs and God knows what.  From what I can remember, I seem to have paid for the lions share of that holiday…for eight people!

Cannes, here we are again.  We chanced upon Suites Hotel on the Blvd Camot.   It’s like a hotel from the future!  The bed linen is really crisp and expensive feeling, the room is huge and well laid out and the bathroom and toilet have a pod like quality.  It might be described as flexible accommodation.  There are Japanese type raffia screens that divide the room if so required and even though the colors and fixtures are not to my taste it is incredibly comfortable and ergonomic.  The television moves around on wheels, there are a desk and a daybed.


Our room in Canadel at the Hotel de la Plage looked much nicer than it turned out to be.  The bed was uncomfortable, the room was noisy and the breakfast unbelievably expensive and not, as we first thought, included in the price.  Consequently, we paid eighteen Euros for a basket of bread.  The day before I had spent only twenty Euros in the market feeding us both for the entire day.

I have really enjoyed the last week here in France more than our time in London, mostly because everything, apart from Cannes and St Tropez, was new and unusual.   Showing someone around your life can have its drawbacks.

Yesterday, on our way to Cannes from Canadel-sur-mer we spontaneously stopped off at a cliff overlooking a small bay.  We scrambled through the brush over hot red stone to a rocky outcrop and swam in crystal clear waters.  The little dog watched from a shady ledge.  The sea was teaming with tiny, silver fish skimming the surface looking for food.

You know, there were times when I was with JBC, toward the end of our 7 years together, when we would find ourselves in some remote, beautiful place and I would hanker to be with someone I truly loved.  That this maybe beautiful but to make it perfect one must share the moment with a man that I loved.


There is something dismal about looking at a wonderful view and not have a lover by your side.  I think, during this past week, we may both have felt that.  To be with someone familiar, hopeful and in love.

We did not stop for lunch after the swim so by 5ish I was exhausted and desperate for water.  At moments like these I feel like I may have become Uncle Monty from Withnail and I.   Monty, the tenacious old queen who pursues Withnail with gay gusto.  Example: the day before yesterday the car had been laden with food to eat and water to drink.  Yesterday, with the companion in charge, the cupboard was bare.  Instead of just buying more food I sort of expected my companion to think ahead and do as I do.  To no avail.   A sticky wicket that one..expecting.

Like leaving your fingers in the car door to prove how selfish someone is when they squish them.

Do you know the film Withnail and I?  It used to be a cult film.  Uncle Monty arrives in the freezing country cottage where Withnail and his friend have escaped from London.   They have no money; unable to light a fire, nothing to eat and both look utterly miserable.  Within seconds of Monty’s arrival the table is groaning with food, the fires are roaring in the hearth and the lighting is perfect.

Unlike Monty, and men like him, I have a limited desire to provide and make perfect day after day.   I foolishly expect him to think ahead when he just can’t.   It is not in his nature.  It’s not his fault.  You see, I have a fantasy that includes being looked after as well as I look after him or others.   It is a fantasy, it is unachievable, and it is my role and my role alone.  I have only myself to blame when even the most simple of expectations remain unfulfilled.   If I want water in the car then I must buy it, if I want delicious food then I must go to the market.

As vacations draw to a close there is the inescapable dread of going home.  We return to very different scenarios.  He climbs back into the bosom of his family with yet another vacation and I will peel off elsewhere to make something happen with that extended family of AA men and women who have become my solace.

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22 replies on “Rocky Outcrop”


When you write things like this, “You see, I have a fantasy that includes being looked after as well as I look after him or others. It is a fantasy, it is unachievable, and it is my role and my role alone. I have only myself to blame when even the most simple of expectations remain unfulfilled.” I just want to fucking SCREAM! BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT!!!

WHY can’t you believe that you deserve AT LEAST as good as you give?! WHY do you excuse someone being thoughtless and careless? WHY in God’s sweet name are you condemning yourself to be an old queen at fucking 50 years old? WHY for Christ’s sake are you continually listening to those nasty voices in your head instead of handing them their luggage and kicking them to the curb? God in heaven! Is this what you REALLY want? For everything to be over at 50? To be a pathetic has been who can only look forward to being the laughable Uncle Monty? Because if it ISN’T, STOP TELLING YOURSELF CRAP AND START TELLING YOURSELF THAT YOU DESERVE!!! TO HAVE A GREAT LIFE AND A LOVING, LASTING RELATIONSHIP! For God’s sake, you’d give the benefit of the doubt of a happy life to a reformed criminal. Don’t you deserve at least the same? Jesus, Duncan, SNAP THE FUCK OUT OF IT!!!

I’m SORRY. But sometimes, I wish someone would just take you by your lapels and shake you. DAMMIT, MAN. YOU DO DESERVE TO BE HAPPY AND SUCCESSFUL! Why can’t that be your mantra? You said in “Sex Rehab” that you’d escaped and on your own terms. And in the commentary to “AKA”, you said that you MAKE things happen, ESPECIALLY when someone tells you that it isn’t possible. So WHAT THE HELL IS HOLDING YOU BACK NOW?! I’m just seething right now because I JUST DON’T GET IT. It’s like you have better than 20/20 vision where everyone else is concerned but for yourself, you’re fucking blind as a bat. I’m going to meditate and chill the fuck out and pray that something gobsmacks you and you get it.



This is quite the soap opera!

Amanda, I feel like you got beat up a bit over your entry. I had a similar reaction to what was said in the blog. Not so much ‘BULLSHIT’ but rather, how depressing it sounded.

People are who they at their core no matter what generation they’re part of. Every generation has their givers and their takers. It all depends on who you choose to surround yourself with.

A blog is a form of entertainment and should be treated as such. Try not to take it too seriously — it’s an interesting read; seems to be sprinkled with some reality, some fantasy and a whole bunch of mystery.


First, thanks. Second, I don’t read Duncan’s blog to be entertained but to learn something as he writes about his journey. To understand. If I want to be entertained, I can read a novel. And I do. Yet, as I said to NYC, if you can’t believe the truth of someone’s words when they’re saying that they’re being truthful and that that’s why they’re writing, to share the journey and the process, what’s the point?



Just to clarify. Although I used caps here, I wasn’t screaming. I was just EXTREMELY EMPHATIC. Wanting to scream, and screaming, are two separate things. If the caps were taken as screaming… my apologies. I should have been clearer.


Amanda….I have been reading your posts for quite some time….obviously you care very much about Duncan but you seem very caught up in his life, very emotional..when I ask this question I do not mean to be rude etc….has this become an obsession for you? I know Duncan personally and you cannot judge a person by what one writes or what your impression is….nor can you scream at them through the Internet….


Perhaps if I had not finally watched “AKA” this week along with listening to the director’s comments, twice, once before the film and once after, I might have dialed it back a bit. Maybe. Have you listened to the director’s comments on the DVD? Particularly, I had Duncan’s voice talking about his younger self, and commenting on himself now as being a “fat monster” ringing in my ears. His words. And later talking about how the day after all the accolades for “AKA” while he was driving to Santa Monica, how he never felt more alone in his life. What should have been one of the — happiest — periods of his life and he felt isolated and alone. And now, over a year after the breakthroughs of “Sex Rehab”, instead of affirming what he wants — a loving relationship with a soulmate — and that he deserves it because he’s worked SO HARD, he says over and over and over again that it’s no wonder that someone he wants does not want him and does not treat him with the sweetness, kindness, love and consideration with which he treats others. Does that not trouble you?

We weave the fabric of our lives with the lies and the truths that we tell, both whispered to ourselves or spoken out loud to others. Words have incredible POWER. And what we visualize can have physical effects. Literally. Athletes who visualized a better golf swing, free throw, fast ball, improved their performance. By SEEING and FEELING it as if it were a real event, it changed their physical ability to be better as if they’d used their bodies to practice. Therapists found that they could predict who would have a better outcome in therapy by having patients first take a psychological inventory as themselves to get a baseline and then they were asked to answer the questions again the way they IMAGINED that a healthy “normal” person would answer. The ones who could IMAGINE the possibility of themselves as healthy, even though they weren’t at the time, had a much better chance to get well.

All the mystics are saying that the harmonics of this world are changing and that we are much more powerful now than we imagine. THAT OUR THOUGHTS AND WORDS ARE AND WILL CREATE THE WORLD THAT WE LIVE IN. And whether we live in a world that’s divided and sick and at war because that’s what we focus on. And tell ourselves that we’re helpless to change. Or whether we live in a world that’s healed where we are united and we and the Earth are well because we focus on unity, and wellness and beauty, because WE CAN BE THE CHANGE WE WANT TO SEE IN THE WORLD… it’s up to us. To BELIEVE that there IS a Higher Power and that it imbues US! That as Milton said, we can create a hell out of heaven or a heaven out of hell. If you keep affirming crap, you get crap back. If you’re aware of crap but see it as fertilizer for roses, you get a rose garden. We are being called to reassess and re-visualize our reality.

Again, WORDS HAVE POWER. I don’t read Perez Hilton or Paris Hilton or anyone of that ilk. In fact I mostly read people like Deepak Chopra or others that have something positive and healing to say. And I read Duncan’s blog. I want to read someone who is being honest and truthful which he says he is and who’s not writing about trivial, gossipy ephemeral crap. If as you say, “… you cannot judge a person by what ones writes…” which is pretty much the only way that most of us can form an impression of Duncan, by what he say’s is the truth… what’s the point?

I do care. I have a bleeding heart and I wear it on my sleeve. I always have. And until it get’s crushed so deeply that it can no longer beat — if it ever does — I will continue to do so. I’m told that I’m not the typical Libra, more like an Aries. Not as diplomatic, soft and sweet. But then I was born in Japan in the fall which I love but also Spring. The in-between seasons. I try to find balance and to communicate with well reasoned and temperate language and to live that way. But sometimes something tips the scales of my balance and instead of being moderate, I dial it up to 11. As we all are, I am a work in progress.



…IMHO you are taking this all and making it YOUR truth when you really have no idea what the truth really is….this is your perception and I think you are waaaaaay too involved in this….you might want to lcok into why you are so involved…

…oh and by the way….you still do not know Duncan…just your perception of who you think he is…

well nyc I think you struck a nerve there, amanda you can not judge someone on there writing you cant think you no him especially no him enough to judge him

agree with the above, MR means well and is obviously a very caring person.
MR, I suggest you try not to be the first to post, take the time to think it through.
Duncan,I found the post very entertaining, I hope you include the part about the dramas when you stayed in France with the disfunctional family in your book, it sounds like it would make a great script.
All that happens when travelling with a companion, lover or not is just life.Pesonally I love to travel alone.
I truly feel that the companions lack of resourcefullness (is that a word? am i doing a sarah palin?lol)is the generation he belongs to.
I attended a class on generation types, his generation had everything done for him all his life, therefore does not have any idea how to hunt and gather, or simply prepare for himself never mind 2 people on a trip!
it goes like this;
Age 50-65,post war were latchkey kids, learned to fend for themselves.Parents both working long hours.These kids can cook and organize themselves.
next came
45ish were determined to do better than their parents and nurture their kids, spoil them.
gen X are the result, no or little initiative, had everything done for them.
Next is the ‘Me generation’ I have had the delight in employing gen x and ‘me’ for the last 15 years. OH BOY!.Of course there are exceptions, the kids that have had a job since they were 13 turned out to be the ambitious ones who soared.
sorry if this is off point, but i do see a generation gap being the issue, not his fault, it is time to travel alone like I do or have a more age compatable companion.
Duncan, you love to show people around and introduce them to new and wonderful places, you are a seasoned traveller, your pal is not because he’s young.
He will however remember this trip for the rest of his life and learn from it when he takes a companion in your footsteps, That’s when he will buy bread and fruit for the day and be prepared.
He has you now to do that for him, but he will learn and one day be a better person because of you.

Hey Duncan….I agree with Irena about different generations but you must remember JB had a relationship for a few years so besides being young he had someone who did it all (I assume) for him…hurry back….Lunch at Soho House NYC!

I must work with a lot of gen x men then, because when its 98 degrees out, they dont have the common sense to bring their own water to work. I usedd to be kind and give it to them , now i charge them for it. :)… i musta skipped a generation some how.

Yes; having expectations and fantasies can be rather cruel to our psyche and unrealistic at times… I too desire for such a life and look at others wondering how do they seem to achieve this…? But after being in my relationship for over 8 years; I now realize both me and my wonderful partner live two very different and separate lives; with the one main thing that holds us together… Love!

We love each other dearly and would never want to part even through we are two completely different thinkers… and want different things out of life…! Then I suppose this is where the word ‘Compromise’ falls into the equation… something that I feel is rather unbiased as I tend to do the majority of the compromising as it is easer that way due to me being the extrovert and he the introvert. Through I do get many things my way… I would say it is a 70-30%… Being the extrovert it is much easier for me to change… our biggest challenge is that I thrive on being around others and soaking up energies; where as he thrives from his own energy… We are both very aware of our individual needs and respect them too… (Though this took a lot of understanding from both of us… and a lot of accepting). Now we both are in a fantastic place and know that we are always adjusting and sacrificing for each other…! Don’t get me wrong it is difficult but by being with each other is our reward. We also laugh a lot!!! His witty, kinda geeky intelligent humour has me in stiches most nights… I always believed that opposites attract; I just never expected it to be either end of the spectrum… somewhere in the middle would be so much easier…! Maybe one day we will find an activity or hobby that we both like but I have now accepted that this may never happen but this is the old romantic that I am… at times it is Just a shame that my romantic views go to wast and will never be appreciated…but this is who I am and not who he is… do bear in mind that I am also his worst nightmare of a personality type so it does go both ways… Just accepting each other and our special time together is now very comforting.

Keep looking you will find that certain person who will look after you; almost if not more than you look after them… get your energy out there Mr and stay away from the strays… and as above re: Holly… start charging …!! Lol…


Oh and by the way MetalRabbit…..Obsession: A compulsive, often unreasonable idea or emotion….

Gee, thanks for actually — defining — obsession for me. I guess that you didn’t figure that poor little me understood what you were trying to get across the first time that you used the word. Gosh, and I thought that I had a fairly good command of the English language. Just shows to go you. BTW, why are you so involved because
you think that I’m so involved? Using your logic, it is your perception and you don’t really know me, either. Just sayin’.


you are very right amanda I hope I didn’t offend you that was not my intention I read your comments with great interest

oh dear, must be some thing wrong with me, i figured D was on holidays, doin as people do, and all i wonder about is what kind of cookies he had, not if hes moping or makin sense of life.
than again , a perfect macaroon cookie, can make life pretty damn good.

….some people want to dissect Duncans life word by word and Amanda IMHO you are obsessed or you have way too much time on your hands ..and I am not involved, I am a personal friend of Duncan’s….just sayin…

nyc you will not give up don’t you. sometimes it is best to say nothing anymore. you can say it once we listen if you say it twice we don’t take it serious anymore we now you are a very important friend off Duncan say hello from me wen you see him

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