Gay Hollywood Malibu Rant

Renters From Hell

The day started out badly and after getting a great deal better ended with a bang…quite literally.

A friend called me a ‘drama queen’ after reading this morning’s blog.  Thanks friend.  The fact is:  I was sick with a migraine, the first real one I had ever had.  Nausea, blinding headache and dizziness.  Silly me, I decided the best way to solve that particular problem (after writing my blog) was to drive 30 miles to Gold’s Gym and work out with my friend David.  Bad idea.  Hillary met me after the gym to eat lunch at the French Market in Venice.  Bad idea.  My reasoning was that if I could just behave as normal everything would get better.

I am sure that my migraine was actually a combination of stress, high blood pressure and depression.  It followed soon after some particularly loaded conversations.  After I posted my blog the comments came thick and fast.  You guys were all so sweet to support and love me.  The reason I write this blog?   Because you are all there to read it.  To understand, to reach out, to condone and condemn in equal measures.

After lunch I went back to bed and slept deeply.   The phone woke me three hours later… my friends from England  arrived in LA but decided to stay elsewhere.  I can’t say I wasn’t happy.  I wasn’t in any mood for 10 days sharing my life with English people.  Laying in bed feeling so sick, the bathroom floor unwashed.

Woke up to an email from a disgruntled Malibu renter and his blousey girlfriend/fuck buddy.   I knew that we would have some sort of disagreement about the return of the damage deposit.  When he left the house he left it in a terrible state: broken coffee pot and coffee cups, 5 huge red wine stains on the carpet.   Thankfully Jerome was with me when I checked over the house and the moron was forced to admit what he had done.

They were the sorts of tenants who couldn’t do anything for themselves and were constantly summoning me to look at things they could have fixed… like the stove top they locked by accident.   As usual it is the cheap skate tenants who nickel and dime that seem to cause the most problems.   On the first occasion I was asked to go to the house the tenant was so drunk he couldn’t stand up.  I should have chucked him and his lady friend out there and then.   I was embarrassed for him.

When they, rather amazingly, asked to come back to the house I made it so prohibitively expensive… I knew they wouldn’t be able to afford it.   The letter I received from them was littered with quotes from this blog.  Well, blog on this bitch!  I was in no mood to deal with bullshit, no mood to be lied to or manipulated and certainly no mood to deal with a woman (not on the contract) the renter had confided in me he couldn’t wait to see the back of.

My anger toward these nasty, cheap people had the affect of shaking my headache and forcing me out of the house.

I walked briskly down Sunset.  I had my hair buzzed and beard trimmed at a barbers on Ivar and began looking for appropriate BEAR WEAR as I now intend, whilst I am in NYC, to attend the Urban Bear Weekend which will be fun-exploiting my tiny celebrity for a bunch of hairy bears and their bear cub boy toys.   A friend of mine suggested the Urban Bear idea as a kind of joke but it looks like a great deal of fun.  This may be my future!

Now all I need is a cub to drag around by the belt loop.

Anyway, by the time I got home it was time to get dressed and head to WeHo for dinner with Spencer my very intelligent British friend.  Over beef burgers and fries trying to understand the cultural DNA of the average citizen of the USA.   My new theory?  That the ‘puritan chromosome’ is not nearly as dominant or as influential in the American genome than the ‘wild-frontier chromosome’.  That the majority of people who live in the USA came from simple European ancestors who, for their freedom, had to combat rattle snakes, bears, hostile climate, native Americans as well as their brutal own.  The threat, real or imagined was always there.

Suspicious and mistrusting by nature these people believe that government is good for only two things PRISONS and THE MILITARY.  White settlers distrust Obama, discrediting his empathy.

After dinner Spencer and I wandered around WeHo and met a couple of handsome cops.  Handsome but dull.  We wandered aimlessly back to the car and outside the Abbey some young man threw a can of vile smelling alcohol at me from a yellow school bus yelling homophobic rhetoric.   The full can hit me squarely in the chest.   I can still feel where it hit me on the sternum.  At first in shock, I grew increasingly angry, then I buried the  anger under a seething fury, quietly determined that ‘they’ can’t hurt me, that they can’t hurt me any more.

‘Drama Queen’ that I am I sank into a pit of man hating quick sand.  I hated the entire crew of my Wednesday morning therapy meeting with their frat house homophobia, their cheating ways co-signed by a dodgy ‘therapist’.   These men miserably attempt to patch up their sham marriages to avoid alimony and see their kids whilst yearning after mistresses, transexuals and sophomoric freedoms.

7 replies on “Renters From Hell”

Renters from hell, morons, alcoholic morons.
School bus with kid and alcohol? hilarious, morons, soon to be alcoholic morons.
You can’t escape from this, its always going to be out there. Because of your celebrity you tend to have to take the good with the nasty and ignorant.

Don’t let these morons have the power over you Duncan, not ever. You will wake up intelligent and handsome with people who love you, they however will not and never will.

You are so funny when your cranky D! Screw those bastards throwing things at you! In the world, thats called assault, must be a big city thing, because i cant imagine it ever happening here, or i might be naive about people being homophobes.
And renters from hell, oh my. Im the kind of person who cleans to get every penny of my deposit back , much less bother my landlord?
I like to give him my money and say now shoo, unless its some thing like major leaks.I am so sorry you had a migrane, my daughter gets them, and it looks horrible, i have much sympathy.Hope this day goes better for you, mines shaping up better, after some stupid drama, and thats whats exhausting is drama. And your no drama queen hon, trust me , i know some and you aint it. 🙂

That is so awful! To be angry after being physically harmed wouldn’t be ‘drama queenish.’ Better to be angry at injustice, cruelty, indecency, and ignorance than to cry (I’d have cried).
I’m very sorry for all your troubles. It’s not you, it really is them and their ignorance and problems (but you know that).
Have a good weekend and I love your blog. This is priceless: The letter I received from them was littered with quotes from this blog. Well, blog on this bitch! Wish I were that brave!


Did anyone get the license plate number of that bus — I’m not kidding — or the school name that must have been plastered on the side of it? None of them were probably of drinking age and the bus driver and their escorts should be disciplined or fired for letting alcohol on the bus to begin with. Even if they were of legal age, again, no open containers of alcohol. As for the lowly pissant who assaulted you… he’s a fucking, miserable coward. And I’m sending prayers that someone on that bus will wake up with a conscience and report him. To the school, to the police, to his church, to his parents … to someone. Anyone.

I’m so very, very sorry. YOU ARE NOT A DRAMA QUEEN! You are a caring, sensitive, emotional man who was assaulted by a stunted souled barbarian. I don’t think that it had anything to do with your being recognized as Duncan Roy. Unfortunately, since if you look up the Abbey, it comes up as “… the premier gay and lesbian bar…”, it was simply — if it can ever be simple — an attack on someone presumed to be gay because you were standing in front of the bar. Horrible. Depressing. INFURIATING.

I think that the Urban Bear Weekend is just what you need. To be in community with a great group of guys and to have FUN! I hope you have the time of your life. You deserve it.

As for the national DNA…, we are a nation of “Outliers” and Type A personalities. I can’t remember the name of another book that was written about the two representative types of people, who willingly or unwillingly, settled here. They were either, the dreamers and explorers, who didn’t fit in with conventional society, or the criminals and scalawags, who couldn’t or wouldn’t fit in. We came here from many countries, willingly transported by dreams or unwillingly transported by England. LOL

And now for good or ill, as Michael Moore suggested in “Bowling For Columbine”, when he examined the difference between us and Canada as far as violence and paranoia — guns but they have guns, and they have a multi-cultural population as well — we’re media driven. Our media scares the pants off of us daily. Theirs doesn’t. Ours makes bad news seem like the only news. And unfortunately, now, there is no news outlet that has the ear of both the left and right, Democrats, Republicans, Independents and Greens. Everyone is listening to someone who will confirm them in their beliefs and not to someone who will challenge them and give them the information that they may not want to hear but need to hear. That’s the story, morning glory.

But like I keep saying, I live in hope. Truly. And I see little glimmers of Light all the time.

Sending you Love and Light and bear hugs. 😉

Infinite blessings,


Hello Duncan – I promise never to address you by your last name again. My sincerest apologies for that social lapse. As to your migraine – recall Shakespeare’s observation “tears unshed causing other organs to weep…” Dude, you are stressed! The A**hole tenants’ crude sensibilities surely offend you more than most as your instincts are exquisitely refined. Migraine can represent your body begging for less such input. Also, certain cheeses are known to be migraine triggers. But having an alcoholic beverage container hurled at you along with hate speech – that is TOO MUCH. I will pray for that person as an alternative to wanting to hunt him down. You be well. It’s going to be a beautiful SoCal weekend. Go into nature with Little Dog and let those awesome forces nurture you! My best, L

You are beautiful, I love everything about you. Remember they can’t hurt you.

I’m speechless. From the drama queen comment to the hate crime — it’s all so unnecessary and cruel. Reading this, I feel like a mama bear. I’m hoping that you’re feeling better and life is going a bit more smoothly this weekend. Big HUG to you.

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