1.
Time to reconcile, to forgive and forget. Time to see Jennie. Time to catch up, to make up, to explain. Time to confide and wear dark glasses again.
“Let us suppose that I have wept, on account of some incident of which the other has not even become aware (to weep is part of the normal activity of the amorous body), and that, so this cannot be seen, I put on dark glasses to mask my swollen eyes (a fine example of denial: to darken the sight in order not to be seen). The intention of this gesture is a calculated one: I want to keep the oral advantage of stoicism, of “dignity” and at the same time, contradictorily, I want to provoke the tender question (“But what’s the matter with you?”); I want to be both pathetic and admirable, I want to be at the same time a child and an adult. Thereby I gamble, I take a risk: for it is always possible that the other will simply ask no question whatever about these unaccustomed glasses: that the other will see, in the fact, no sign.”
Living in love, in a state of grace, in acceptance. Living outside of pornography, fantasy, catastrophic thinking-living in truth, trust and kindness.
2.
In Europe things, economic things are getting a whole heap better. House prices climbing, job prospects improving.
It’s funny listening to British people complain about their lot. They really have no idea how lucky they are. They are blissfully unaware what is going on here. Nobody really reports it-no journalist can bring themselves to say these words: America as we knew it is over. America where all our dreams would come true. Where the promise of freedom would be fulfilled, where truth and equality would be respected. Where innovation and hard work would be rewarded.
What happened?
There has been an economic catastrophe in the United States of America, brought on by endemic greed, corruption and false Gods. The American people are angry and rightfully so-but because they are so badly educated their anger is totally misdirected. Because they have no democratic choice their vote is meaningless. Because their government is utterly corrupt they have no voice. Their youth are disinterested in anything other than instant fame, fast food, sexual gratification.
The elections have become Corporate America’s great firework charade, costing millions, lights up the night then all smoke and ash leaving things just the way they were before. Conning the dumb people into believing that they have choice and change they can believe in etc etc.
The last election was the most cynical of all. Listening to Obama make any promise he could to get those folks to vote for him then watch him and his party of fools renege on every one of his election promises-knowing that the American people will never lift a finger to defend themselves from their worst enemy-their very own government.
Today I listened to Tim Geitner finally admit that the millions of lost jobs were not coming back anytime soon. Just as I predicted. When as my ‘smart’ white AA Palisades friends were looking down their suburban noses at me telling me that things would be back to normal in a year or so. I looked back at them in utter disbelieve. Who were they trying to convince? I would gently remind them that nothing was going to return to ‘normal’ any time soon. They sneered at me. They laughed because they didn’t understand. They are complicit you see. Complicit in the demise-in the USA’s financial melt down. Do you think they just totally underestimated the depth of the deception? The greed? Or was this a risk the rich were prepared to take?
I don’t trust Tim Geitner, I don’t trust Rahm Emmanuel, I don’t particularly trust Obama. But in a world of distrust I would rather have these bandits than the last mob. The characters in this administrative pantomime are more entertaining than the last.
This ‘Democratic’ administration cast by Ari Emmanuelle. Make up by..hair..
3.
The flight back home from New York was 45 mins early, which made up for the 6-hour delay on the way there. The staff were sweeter too. One of them gave me free food. If you could call it that-processed crap.
I had had a lovely time in NYC and even though it rained and rained I felt at home, like I always do, in the big city. I loved it. I really did.
For my last night in town Joan took us all to the Spotted Pig. I sat next to Lady Rizo and opposite Joan’s husband. He told us how he once dated a girl Elvis was dating and even though I had heard the story twice before I was still captivated.
Jake mooned over Lady Rizo’s husband.
9 replies on “Elvis Pelvis”
I can relate so much with what number 1…I can feel myself wanting to confide in my friend. Confide in a deeper way than just cryptic notes on facebook…but the other part of me doesn’t want to be the one talked about. A fear I have is them reacting in a way/or saying “We can’t talk about that because of you know who”. I don’t want to stand out. I worked so hard on blending in with the background, careful not to be noticed.
I can’t say anything about the economy…my plan is to stay in school for as long as I can and then move overseas somewhere.
….you only heard the Elvis story twice…..I have heard it for 25 years…..xo
Duncan,
I don’t know what happened between you and Jennie. Was it, that after “Sex Rehab”, that you changed your mind about taking on more intense therapy and the onus of another show… and she had expected your company and moral support? I never did understand what happened with that. As I said, I’ve just started reading your blog a couple of weeks ago. However, you always seem to talk about her with such affection that whatever happened between you, I believe that if you treat each other gently and honestly, that your friendship can be repaired. Talk from your soul. Take off your dark glasses. I just read her blog today for the 1st time; it’s called “Spring Cleaning”. She talks about stripping away unnecessary things, habits, possessions, to become healthier, to uncover the soul and true self. She ends with a quote from Rumi.
As for our economy here, I hated that some of the same people, who were on “watch” when this disaster started, are now the ones who are supposed to pull it all back together, but then I guess the thinking is the same as hiring a repentant(?) ex-burglar or hacker to teach people how to protect their homes or computers. Who better knows how to advise about security than the ones who made a living cracking it? And your Palisades friends… well, they probably were caught up in the delusion that we’ve all been living under since the 70’s exemplified by the bumper stickers “Nothing succeeds like excess”, “The boy who dies with the most toys wins” and “When the going gets tough, the tough go shopping”. Sadly, most people don’t change until they step on that hidden rake in the grass and it smacks them in the face. How many stories are there about the driven type A personality, whose bumper sticker would be “I don’t get ulcers, I GIVE ulcers”, who has a massive heart attack (symbolic much?) and is forced to change body & soul to stay alive. People, who then say that having their heart feel like it was being crushed in their chests was the best thing that could have happened to them, because it FORCED them to change. This country has just had it’s collective heart crushed.
There were Cassandras reading the omens and foretelling the costs of our madness but few listened. Some were never blinded, like the little boy in the story about “The Emperor’s New Clothes” but we have a lot of wounded people in this country and the world, let’s not forget, who wanted to fill up the emptiness of the soul some didn’t even believe they had, with THINGS. Because if your teeth are “whiter than white” and you’re using the “right” toothpaste, driving the ritzy car, have brands on your clothes, live in a “trendy” zip code, are “branded” (Advertising term. Scary.) then you will feel, if not be, authentic. Filled. Satisfied… by things that can never give the kind of satisfaction that’s craved. And if you still feel empty, why there’s sex, drugs (legal & illegal) and rock ‘n roll to take up the slack.
We will get through this. I keep saying that the whole world is going through a healing crisis. So say the Mayans, so say our Native Americans. We are leaving the period of the fourth sun and preparing to go into the period of the fifth sun. It’s not the end; it’s a new beginning. Like the parable about not being able to pour more tea into a full cup. You have to be emptied out and cleaned in order to receive anything new and better. Remember the 5 stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. This country is grieving for the loss of the delusion but we have the promise of all that’s best about us. We’re young as a country. We’re an experiment in progress. Literally and figuratively. We can rally and move forward. We’ve done it before. There’s a learning curve for everything in life, people and countries. Sometimes it’s steep and daunting. In a patriarchal culture stretching back thousands of years, if you look, you can see the progression, the enlightenment, starting with men of whatever ruling class, then other men, then women and minorities. The sparks of democracy didn’t start with the masses, it started with nobles who banded together to protect themselves and leverage their power against their king. The questioning of sexual repression and breaking it’s bonds started with men. Think Freud. And yes, a lot of times women and minorities still suffered because they weren’t even at the table to be part of the discussion. I mean I was amazed to read that for all the good the progressives did early on (40 hr. work week, child labor laws, etc.) that a lot of them were racist. They wanted better conditions for the working MAN but the man they had in mind was white.
But that’s the thing about freedom. Once it gets started, it spreads. It’s a viral meme that can’t be denied. Knowledge and wellness, in body, soul and world are the same. A small group raise their little candles in the darkness and before you know it, there’s a wildfire. A spiritual tipping point. We’re there. It’s like we really are being born again into a new spiritual paradigm. And there will be casualties. Some would rather die than change as some people have heart attacks, heart surgery and go right out… and change nothing and are felled by another heart attack. Tragic. But the majority do LEARN, CHANGE and GROW. I know that some things hurt you so very much, but please try to not let yourself be wounded too deeply. You ARE “living in truth, trust and kindness”. Stay wrapped in Light.
Blessings,
Amanda
P.S. I’m so glad you had a wonderful time in New York. 🙂
Blessings,
Amanda
Hey Duncan:
Lot’s going on in your blog today!
1.
Glad that you’re going to see Jennie. Be yourself and remember what the wise Dr. Seuss said: “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who mater won’t mind.”
2.
Please don’t underestimate the American people. As uneducated as we may seem, we’ve got it going on! We got spoiled from the economic boom of the 80’s, 90’s and part of the 00’s. Now we’re catching our breath. Regrouping. The key is to remember that we’ve been through this before (yes, in the 80’s, 90’s and 00’s) and we will go through it again. We will more than likely recover but if we don’t right away, we will deal with it — and come out stronger because of it.
Now we’re in a new phase. Life in the US needed to be shaken up. That’s a good thing. We may have lost our way. We will never be the same again, but isn’t change the only constant? We’ll reinvent ourselves like we’ve done so many times before because we are innovators, planners, investigators, humanitarians and dreamers.
3.
Glad you had a great time in New York!
4.
LOVE the picture of LA. Makes me miss lala land.
i simply adore your honesty and the no bullshit way you address the truth. i hope you don’t mind if i borrow a couple of your statements. of course i will be proud to give you credit for your words. only wish i could go to new york with you some time. the only time i was ever there was miserable chaos so i obviously don’t see the beautiful part that you experience. i also love your pink shoes! so few could pull it off even barely, and you are a natural! wish i could hug you and smother your gorgeous face with kisses!
Maybe you could do a little volunteering,
since you have so many opinions and good ideas to share?
i do volunteer
Every day is a new day. I am in a celebratory mood as my dog is beginning to look like he is recovering from an awful illness–yesterday I thought I was going to have to put him down, but today he appears to be on the mend. At almost 14 years of age…what a guy. Just thought I would share that with a dog lover and I am sure so many of your readers are dog lovers as well.
I loved your pink shoes and matching socks.
The italicized quote–I am assuming your writing? Absolutely true and insightful. I have read it through a few times.
Don’t you think we all complain about “our lot” far too much? Too many of us are blinded by what we do have rather than understand how incredibly fortunate we are. So we point at others and find fault or lay blame. Perhaps if we did appreciate what we do have, we would work harder to protect it — I am talking about the planet, not our cars, etc.
I find “the news” very frustrating because it is difficult to find out what is truly going on at home, and elsewhere. Even in Canada, the same news story is reported very differently in Quebec than it is in the rest of the country, and vice versa.
I will stop rambling on your blog now! I am so glad you have good friends to share yourself and your time with. Have a lovely Easter.
Thank you for writing with such candor. I am a comic book illustrator based in Northern California. I downloaded the VH1 rehab show without knowing why I was doing it. I abhor the reality show drama that is so prevalent on tv today. But I am a creature who operates on gut impulse alone. So there I was last night, having watched the entire damn season in one sitting, crying. I’ve spent the past year finally facing things that happened to me as a child and young adult. But I didn’t really know how to face the things I had continually done to myself up until roughly two months ago. Climbing up out of the pit…thinking I had found the light only to be knocked down a few pegs by some fucked up memory rising to the surface. Memories of my own actions. Then I watch this show and suddenly it’s like I’m not alone in this either. I know they must have edited out so much for the sake of ratings etc. But I knew by the look on your faces on that graduation day that something else had happened that was profound. So many times during the therapy sessions I heard something that resonated with me. I was like, “Holy crap. Been there!” After searching so long for answers to my dilemmas, and coming so far, it was this stupid fucking reality show that got me past the last hurdle. Now I took all my blogs and all my past writings and I’m bringing the together in one spot, here on wordpress.com so that I am no longer running from any part of my truths. No matter how ugly they are. I’m not hiding anymore. What began with a livejournal blog about child abuse (and helped so many of my fans and followers) will continue with this blog now…so that I can finally start anew. Fresh. HONEST.
Thank you for being on this little reality show, sir. Because it hit this artist girl in a big way!
Tess