Blogging…

There are people who act like a. hats and Triste was acting like one. If that person keeps being nasty you can block the ip address by sending it to spam. I had to once when an ex-chatroom friend kept being nasty to me.

Duncan, I’m so glad you choose to be honest and open. If we can’t be, who are we really? And isn’t being true to yourself and the public what life is all about? It’s your blog, it’s your feelings that you put down. You don’t do it for the approval of others. It’s a cathartic action that helps most of us cope with troubles we have. I say continue with it and if someone doesn’t approve or like what they read, then maybe they should look into themselves and see where the root of their ire comes from. I hope Jenny continues to have a long, fulfilling life. And being able to share her moments with you would be rewarding in that quest. Much love!

Duncan,

To use the analogy of a handball court, your posts are the ball and we are the wall. We return the ball with perhaps a slightly different spin, depending on the formation of the architecture that is struck by it. You can return service or let the ball sail by and then throw out a new one. Or walk out of the court. All up to you.

As for Tres Triste, I believe that he/she really had your best interests at heart. Looking back on the blogs where you wrote about “Mr. Darling NYC”, it was quite the roller coaster ride with side trips through the looking glass and into what you call your “mad head”. It seemed for a bit as if your equivalent of the Mr. Hyde were taking over when writing about Jake, and perhaps seeing you vent in such a scalding manner without calling you on it was not in anyone’s — especially yours — best interests. Asking you to take down the pictures of Jake, however, showed somewhat of a lack of understanding as to your process here, where you have shared with us, your friends, lovers, and business associates. Some framed in fond memories, and some… uh, not so much.

There are people in this world, whose hearts bleed for everyone on either side of a controversy, even feeling sympathy for our particular bete noirs, the extreme of which is the nun in “Dead Man Walking”. I really think that Tres Triste felt that perhaps in the future, in this day and age where jobs are lost because employers can Google old, embarrassing Facebook posts from one’s undergrad days, that you might regret linking Jake to some of the more vituperative posts with a picture. Especially, since you conceded to taking down his last name. I really don’t think that there was anything more to it than a very sensitive soul who suffers when someone gets bitch slapped, whether they deserve it or not. There after all, is an incarnation of the Buddha, called the Compassionate One, who vowed, despite gaining enlightenment, to not leave this world until all the beings in the realms of Hell were redeemed and liberated. Amazingly hopeful, don’t you think?

As for this, “I return again and again to this question: why didn’t he tell the truth sooner?”, the truth was simply INCONVENIENT. It wasn’t that he was suffering a terrible psychological/emotional dilemma. He was already doing what he wanted to do and he already thought of her as an inconvenience… but a USEFUL one. Get it? Hearing him fight with her about bills, knowing his penurious nature, the reason that he didn’t tell her the truth is because it would have inconvenienced HIM. He could prowl Manhunt and the streets of NY and still have the safety net of his life with her. He only became “courageous” when he thought that he had another person, who would put up with him. Namely, you. Did you ever discuss moving to NYC? Perhaps he thought that he could have you replace her as his safety net but with the addition of his now being “truthful” and being out of the closet. It’s that simple. That sad. That infuriating. He has an incredible sense of entitlement that you blew to smithereens. Bravo. (I am not THAT enlightened. Working on it.)

I’m so glad that Jenny A is with you. If you even needed a profile of courage, there she is in front of you. And being the relentless optimist that I am, here’s the cheerleader riff… medical knowledge and treatment are advancing in exponential ways. So many people are here today because of the advances of medical science that were unheard of a decade ago. Just believe and hang in. And always remember that we are more than our DNA. We are POWERFUL spirits experiencing the world in a human suit. Whatever the components from your father or your mother, YOU are far more than the sum of those parts. Don’t lose sight of that. And when you feel like beating up on yourself, think on this: within the past year, you have had the beginning of your health scare, getting involved with Jake, the anniversary dates of your sexual sobriety date, Luna’s death, the actual deaths of Kristian and Sebastian, the milestone of your 50th birthday, breaking up with Jake, having to undertake a move and now the anniversary of your alcohol/drug sobriety date. All incredible psychological stressors. Good God, man, the fact that you’re still on your feet and not collapsed in pieces on the floor is a testament to your strength of will and character and your steadfastness to the guidance of your Higher Power. And yes, you screwed up. You’re human. You make amends and move on. Living out loud and with Grace. So say we all.

Blessings,

Amanda

So sorry to hear of Jenny’s illness, is she railway children Jenny? I think of her everytime I visit Haworth.