prison Rant Travel

Stealing Virginity

We are in Marseilles.   Bad hotel in the port but very welcome after our long journey from Calais.

Our trip?  A spontaneous event.  Bought a ticket and jumped on a train.  The train was packed and we were moved around a lot.  The dog was in good spirits. The coffee was delicious.  In Lille I ran to Monoprix and bought ham and cheese forgetting that Jake doesn’t eat cheese.

We sat next to very good looking man and his gf who I befriended.

The last part of my stay in London was irritatingly dramatic.  A largely drama free vacation morphed into the worst kind of melodrama.

Firstly, the iPod turned up.   Whether it was in fact stolen or not is another matter.  It was not my iPod.    Yes, you heard me.  It wasn’t even my iPod.  Yet, I felt incredibly responsible.  It was Jake’s iPod – and critically, if not found, would jeopardize my relationship with whomever the fucking iPod belonged to…Jake.   Pride before a fall.   My pride before my fall.

I have only myself to blame.

A little more information about the incident:

The cast of characters I mentioned yesterday included a tall spotty boy who was recently expelled from school for stealing a girl’s virginity in the school toilets.  Ruby, a small, fat girl with bright red hair with a nasty mouth and attitude – until she wants something of course, like a fag then she sweetens up pretty damned fast.  The ugly gay friend and his pretty Greek ‘best friend’ were perhaps the worst of the lot.

Paul, Phil’s long-term man friend explained to us how rude and impossible he found them all.   He told me that Ruby was a thief.  Actually he really fanned the flames once the iPod went missing.   It seemed like there was no other reasonable explanation.

Sure I over reacted but nobody tried to help.   Yet, it was none of my damned business.  The moment it went missing I offered to pay for it as if I were somehow responsible.  Why?

I had no reason to feel responsible for somebody else’s stuff.  Especially as they were drunk and had lost the damned thing.  I was sober and didn’t lose anything.    When I left my sunglasses in Whitstable I didn’t expect anyone to pay for them yet for some extraordinary reason the moment someone else loses something I feel as if it were my fault.

As I was sitting in the cell I had a series of catastrophic thoughts.  The dog was dead, my friend was dead, my stuff had been ransacked.  I sat on the edge of the bed blaming myself for introducing someone essentially blameless into a den of thieves.

As it turned out the kids had not stolen the fucking iPod and it was LOST.   I was angry with myself that I had brought a sweet, kind, good person into a den of thieves but as it turned out I brought a forgetful person and my temper into a largely innocent adolescent smoking den.

As much as I loathed them for their promiscuity, their smoking and rudeness I had no reason to jump to conclusions.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

There is an Indian woman taking very loud telephone calls on her very large phone with a very loud alarm that goes off with appalling regularity.   I think every train should have a mobile/cell free zone where other travelers can escape.

Delightful dinner with Charlie Parsons at Dean Street Town House.  Just me Jake, Charlie and delicious food.  Calves liver.  Bumped into at least twenty old friends on the streets of Soho including Tania who was in Clancy’s Kitchen.  Ended up at Soho House with Richard and his friend.

Today we are going to rent a car and aim toward Monte Carlo.  The streets at night around the port are transformed this morning.  I am wearing a brightly patterned Etro shirt and my black sandals.   I am tired but eager to get on the road.

10 replies on “Stealing Virginity”

it is strange I Ame looking at a program with Cristian digby its a rerun its such a shame he was so beautiful and funny but it is very hard to see knowing he is no more. I hope you can relax the rest of your vacation you really deserve it it has been a turbulent year for you

Good news Duncan, glad that is sorted, put it behind you and stop beating yourself up, I would have reacted the same way had I been around this bunch of f*kwits.
I truly believe that groups of bad people bring clusters of evil, like a dirty fog.You did the right thing to try and find the ipod and I would have suspected them, anyone would have come to the same conclusion.
It does not matter in the big picture, you are on holiday and everything is wonderful.
Marseille, lovely, Monte Carlo, love, love, love.
May I make a suggestion? take the hydrofoil to Capri.It is so beautiful and elegant, charming restaurants and idyllic scenery, you are so near, don’t miss the chance.Blue morning glories cover the hillside from the bay and at the top are lovely old buildings and the a fabulous little shopping area with gorgeous scrumptious shopping. Canfora, hand made sandals, Carthusia perfumery and Limoncello liqueur chocolates.Nothing touristy in Capri, It is delightful. http://WWW.CAPRI.NET
I really want to be there!


I’m glad that everything got straightened out without any more drama. I’m sorry that it happened to begin with.

You said ” It was not my iPod. Yes, you heard me. It wasn’t even my iPod. Yet, I felt incredibly responsible. It was if someone else’s iPod – and critically, if not found, would jeopardize my relationship with whomever the fucking iPod belonged to.” and “…as it turned out I brought a forgetful person and my temper into a largely innocent adolescent smoking den. As much as I loathed them for their promiscuity, their smoking and rudeness I had no reason to jump to conclusions.”

You are a gentleman and yet you dived out of the sun with guns blazing and strafed those who turned out to be obnoxious, perhaps promiscuous but somewhat typical teenagers and most importantly “… largely innocent.” I’m reminded of what Jill said to Kendra during “Sex Rehab” about her relationship with her husband, when she asked Kendra if her husband was her drug. And I would ask you the same question? Is he your drug? Because you seem to feel responsible for taking care of someone, who in at least 2 posts, you describe as being drunk. I’m wondering why you, a sober person, would want to be around someone who wants to get drunk — not drink and get a little high, drunk — and whom you feel you have to protect from the consequences of their actions, on what is supposed to be your vacation. A true friend would be looking our for YOU during the celebration of your birthday and on your vacation. Just saying.

I hope that nothing else happens to spoil your journey but that if something does that you will take several deep breaths and will step back and assess the situation before you jump to conclusions again and have a hard landing. Love and Light.



I always say to myself I am not going to comment, but I find the annoying need to do so. I have a similar past as yours, you know of sex abuse and utter helplessnes, moving on. Growing up I was blamed for everything. As an adult I have become very defensive about everything, although I have nothing to do with a situation(s). I have to make sure I clear my name even I have nothing to do with it, plus I make my mission to find the culprits regardless the consequences. Very useless, a complete lack of self worth. Although putting yourself on the line might seem almost heroic it ain’t. My point is I feel you. But also innocent punks were blamed maybe unjustly. I don’t know.
I love your blog, please tell me if it bugs you my comments and I will just limit myself to read. Also I am sorry for my comments to mettalrabbit it is your opinion and comments. None of my business you seem to be a very nice person. Again, my apologies.


No worries. I appreciate the feedback. It was just the “wife beater” part that backed me up a bit.

I am an only child of two alcoholic parents, only one of whom toyed with getting sober and never committed to following through. I’m working on not being hypersensitive and sometimes, I fail to see that there really are accidents in the world and that sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. [Dream theory humor. ;)]

You seem like a very nice person as well.



Totally empathize with the desire to mete justice in what appears to be a vacuum, and the later boundary confusion once adrenaline ebbs. Something to do with never wanting to be weak or cowardly or scared into passivity again, for me. Of course, I feel out-of-control & embarrassed instead…

I’m terrified anytime someone loses something that I will be blamed. I wouldn’t steal anything, but the fear that someone thought I would scares me. I would definitely feel guilty if I brought someone somewhere and thought the people there were a raging den of kleptos too. I blame myself for any awful thing that happens and convince myself that it must be my fault somehow. Anyway, just wanted to say you aren’t alone in the feeling guilty for everything thing is all.

I hope that the “sum of the blog responses” make for art.. well, we can hope he get’s it..

God Duncan. I’m always down that way, living in Milano. Keep me posted. I’ll come down and introduce you to some INTERESTING people. Ain’t it great to be out the the US? People of taste and discrimination… like you and me… I’m going bald and you’re getting fat(tish)but there we are.. ther’s no escaping time…

You were dealing with drunk teenagers. No matter what country or culture, that could bring any one of us to the edge. Ask any parent of a teenager. Try to start appreciating yourself. I can tell through you’re writing that a lot of people do… you should be your own biggest fan. No shame in that!

Comments are closed.