You must have worked out by now…gay men have tempestuous relationships.
It’s not unusual.
What they did, the feelings they had…they weren’t unusual.
Gay men get restraining orders. Beat each other up. Gay men resent…themselves.
He had lunch with a friend from NYC who knows your lover/husband/partner.
He said…what a warm character he is, that he’s friendly and brave. Courageous and resourceful…has a great future ahead of him.
Anyone who gets up in the morning and wears what he wears, well…he wants to be seen in a world where most people crave invisibility.
He saw the video. A big man with style.
As for you two? He thinks you’re silly for not wanting to forgive the stupidity, forget the battles.
You are, without doubt, indelibly linked.
You two beautiful men pressed together (as you intended) didn’t make him jealous. He felt like you had given him a clue.
He ignored the angry songs…
Seeing you with your new love gave him a clue as to what you might have been attracted to when you contacted him that dark winter.
You see, he could never understand what you saw in him. It was a mystery. He just felt like an old, fraudulent freak when you were together. Over dressed, too loud, too confident….lagging behind like an Indian wife.
Now he understands.
Now, wearing your own cool clothes for all to see…you look pretty damn good…he began to understand.
Do you understand? Understand what went down between you both a little better? Now you’ve been in the world as a gay man these past two years…or do you still feel like he took advantage of you?
I don’t know if you have any good memories of your time together. Are there any? All bound up with lies and recrimination and your coming out.
You both dropped a huge bomb on everybody around you. Nobody escaped unharmed. Both in denial. Both fragile. Both afraid.
Ever since you published your blog…well, he has been in awe. Impressed by your openness.
I’m sure that you don’t give him much thought nowadays. You must have heard what happened…there was so much fanfare about it all.
He had a long time in jail to think everything over.
A long time in terrible circumstances imagining that look of delight on your face…and he wouldn’t blame you. He would’ve been just as happy.
I don’t know if he/you will ever truly recover from what you went through.
There were many times when all he wished was that things between you hadn’t ended so badly so he could tell you what happened. Describe it in detail…because he knew you’d be fascinated.
He knows that for so much of your life you hid your creativity and your desire for beautiful things just in case this betrayed your true nature. He can’t imagine how that must have felt.
Seeing you emerge from that closet into the man you are today gives him great pleasure.
He wishes you all the best in your relationship and your life.
