Returning to LA I was recognized on the plane. I felt like saying that I was NOTHING like the man they thought they knew. I felt like telling him that as much as I would like to be the compassionate, helpful man he met on the TV I am not that guy.
I was almost rude.
Instead I smiled sweetly and let him believe in the man who had obviously helped him by sharing my story.
Why should I burst his bubble? I did not take his number. He so obviously wanted to be my friend. I can’t be your friend.
I tried that and now look.
I sat next to a girl who is going to be on a reality show that prems next week. I told her, WARNED her..that under no circumstance date ANYONE who knows her from TV. Avoid!
I told her my sorry story. She looked aghast.
I have been dreaming very vivid dreams.
I dreamt that I was at the back of a church watching Jake get married to a man. He was wearing a white suit. He looked sooo happy. In the dream..I was happy for him. Then I woke up. I wasn’t so happy.
I went to therapy this morning at 7am. It was very helpful. I listened intently to the men in that room and found solace.
There are things I need to do to make it all better. Help others rather than myself for instance. Concentrate on positive thoughts.
I bought a mouse trap.
Wish I hadn’t looked at that picture of Jake. He looked happy. He looked like he was having a blast. I am now merely the wreckage of his past. He plunders my life and just behaves like it’s party time. It galls me so.
Yet, have I treated others like that? I think I might have. That was coy. OF COURSE I HAVE.