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How do you Solve a Problem like Amanda Eliasch?

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Amanda Eliasch is very, very rich.  She is the ex-wife of Johann Eliasch, owner of tennis racket and sports wear company Head.  Currently Amanda is trying to get me to remove a blog reference made last week after she posted some nastiness about me on Facebook.

Sadly, as Jake found to his dismay, even if I removed any or all evidence… the blog will remain in the virtual ether forever and ever. FOREVER.  Then, she persuaded some weird friend of hers to say that I only have 3 readers a day…that’s like telling a man he has a very small penis.

Let me remind you how I know this woman Amanda Eliasch…she was/is going out/hooking up/in confused hyper emotional ‘relationship’ with my old friend the genuine article… writer Tim Willis.  Poor Tim, the first time I was summoned to her house he was a quaking, smoking, drinking wreck. Exiled to the tennis court at her architecturally significant, now recently sold Beverly Hills house. His already weakened body covered in welts from Amanda’s sharp little tongue.

The 1st and least problematic of the litany of problems with Amanda: she is a bully.  In some lame attempt to stop me from posting anything about her on my blog she reminded me that she had let me visit her home. OK. So? I reminded her (pompous hag) that I let her visit mine. The next barrage of emails, no doubt, will include reminders that she paid for a couple of lunches.

The emails after that will include homophobic slurs.

Well known to architects, and interior decorators as a person who loathes paying her bills, (I know two personally) She is currently working with ‘interior designer to the stars’ Martyn Lawrence-Bullard who told me he went to Eton… does anyone know if this is true? I met ‘interior designer to the stars’ Martyn Lawrence-Bullard with Chris “The King” Cortazzo the  realtor.  Why will ‘interior designer to the stars’ Martyn Lawrence-Bullard definitely get paid for renovating Amanda’s new home in LA? The simple fact is: ‘interior designer to the stars’ Martyn Lawrence-Bullard is far too well-connected not to get paid.

As well as converting Amanda’s brown Wimpy home (ex Janet Leigh) into a white clad Wimpy home ‘interior designer to the stars’ Martyn Lawrence-Bullard is also converting a small apartment in Sierra Towers Los Angeles as something ‘nice’ for Elton’s Nanny and child.

I really did not want to start the year slagging an old slag but hey, at least I’m not writing about Jake, eh?

The most perplexing problem with Amanda: she is totally bonkers… and not in a good way. She has no style, no friends and leaves a nasty taste in one’s mouth whenever one chances upon her.  Her conversation is limited and punctuated with barking noises… is this some sort of tick?  I have never once been able to get a reasonable opinion or for that matter ANY opinion out of the woman who wasn’t cribbed from some Daily Mail commentator/op ed…consequently her politics are slightly right of Hitler’s.  Amanda once complained to me, like many of her ilk, that there wasn’t a decent right-wing newspaper in Britain.

Now, I know that she will take issue with the ‘no friends’ claim but after her $500k fiasco of a birthday party last year where half her Facebook friends didn’t turn up… and, like an eastern European traveler, she tangoed for her startled guests then… to their growing horror played a sycophantic film ‘produced’ by her friends waxing ’bout how wonderful Amanda is. I wonder how she manages to keep the friends she has!

Good God! You can’t make this stuff up!

Amanda is surrounded by a certain type of woman, the ball breaking Aliai, Lady Forte, the ball breaking Tracy Emin and the drunk most of the time but harmless… unless sober when she too becomes a bone fide ball breaker… Kay Saatchi.  Throw a few insignificant men into the black lacquered pot and bob’s your uncle: Amanda’s World.

The unforgivably huge problem with Amanda (and British social-climbing women like her) she is ever so slightly homophobic. She likes to remind gays that in Amanda’s World they have no right to demand rights or equality ‘what ever that is?’… that we have no place in the army or in sport and she questions our integrity in the school room.  She tells us that we are of ‘no use’ to her… unless we are ‘decorating’ or ‘making things look pretty’.

Amanda, like her ball breaking friends, is also a low-grade racist and treats her black chef with imperial disdain.  Amusingly she has a desire to be close to film stars and celebrities but they are not eager to be seen with her.  Her life interminably chasing yet another film festival, film opening, red carpet event… is pathetic at best… tragic at worst.

Amanda, if she doesn’t mend her ways, will end up like Wallis Simpson who, though remarkably chic, died isolated and miserable. At Wallis’s funeral the bulk of the wreaths came from vendors all over Paris who, without doubt, missed her very generous patronage.

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40 replies on “How do you Solve a Problem like Amanda Eliasch?”

Love the new “look” of your blog. I love even more when you’re shamelessly caddy, so much fun to read. Does this make me one of your 3 readers…lol. Be well Duncan!

No don’t flip it – it’s great like this – hanging out, literally. Always good to make the audience work a little – upside down on their little computer chairs across the world. Maybe you should use the technique in the next feature – certainly liven up the cinema a bit…

A new target, as you said…
Checked out Amanda’s Facebook, when you two were getting along last year. I was surprised; rather juvenile and shallow, I thought.

If Amanda Eliasch is very very rich already and will be remembered like the glamourous Wallis Simpson that had a king abdicate for the woman he loved, who cares about all the tripe in the middle. Tracey Emin is a great girl and only shows her teeth to those that deserve it

why the eff did mr. e. marry that weirdo in the first place?? knocked -up?, and why are you writing so much about her? confused. your new blog design is lovely.

as in successful you mean women who have married rich men? Julia Verdin I assume? When you get successful let me know and I’ll tell you if I like you. As for me not liking women Julia…you know very well I cant abide anyone of any sex.

By Post Author

No not Julia Verdin, but you are quaint not liking anyone.
I know some of the girls you mention and find them all charming, you must like some women, how about the one on the beach in Whitstable, maybe you had a forgettable christmas and are still fed up but there is no need to hit everyone on the head with it

some of the girls love litigation, is it wise to mention them, they always win, brace yourself

Oh Julia…Mr Duncan Roy

I refer to your blog article about me. It contains highly defamatory statements about me and also a number of other people.
Unless this article is removed by close of business today, I will commence a libel action against you.

Yours faithfully
AMANDA ELIASCH

The problem is: in America free speech is free for a reason. And, it’s only worth chasing me if I have any money. I think a highly paid lawyer will tell you this.

By Post Author

I have reread my blog post and I don’t think that there is anything in it that I can’t substantiate! My descriptions of Amanda..though not complimentary are my opinions…and in the land of free speach..I am entitled to them. Therefore hag, ball breaker etc are perfectly reasonable.

By Post Author

One might take a look at her own blog and read the poorly written attacks on people..like the hapless interior decorator she ripped off or the talented architect (my friend) who she reduced to tears.

By Post Author

Amanda Eliasch sounds like those iconic women the world secretly wishes they could be, i have always wanted to be Joan Crawford with a coat hanger, Margaret Lockwood with a riding crop and Lana Turner in The postman always rings twice, she obviously has had a big impact on you too

oh i see lol, no we are different people, funnily i also lived in Whitstable for a while too, in Joy lane Seasalter

…American courts also have ruled that various kinds of published information are generally immune from libel charges. For example, it is almost impossible for a writer to be found guilty of libel if the writing deals with opinions rather than facts. “Under the First Amendment, there is no such thing as a false idea,” the Supreme Court said in a 1974 libel ruling.

By Post Author

You keep talking about American courts when you are obviously British, since all the great ladies mentioned above are British or are mainly based and known in Britain: In the United Kingdom “Expressions of hatred toward someone on account of that person’s colour, race, nationality (including citizenship), ethnic or national origin, religion, or sexual orientation is forbidden. Any communication which is threatening, abusive or insulting, and is intended to harass, alarm, or distress someone is forbidden. The penalties for hate speech include fines, imprisonment, or both”.

The Criminal Justice and Public Order Act 1994 inserted Part 4A into the Public Order Act 1986. That part prohibits anyone from causing alarm or distress. Part 4A states:
(1) A person is guilty of an offence if, with intent to cause a person harassment, alarm or distress, he— (a) uses threatening, abusive or insulting words or behaviour, or disorderly behaviour, or (b) displays any writing, sign or other visible representation which is threatening, abusive or insulting, thereby causing that or another person harassment, alarm or distress.

For those of you who are perplexed or confused as to where I live: I live in the USA. I pay my taxes in the USA. My primary residence is the USA. My resident alien status confirms this. Thankfully the libel laws in the USA are…First Amendment orientated. As for where the ‘ladies’ are from..one is American, one is Italian and the other is English…all are…in my opinion BALL BREAKERS.

Charles’s attempt to make me anything other than I am…well…

By Post Author

To be honest, Im not trying to make you anything other than what and who you are. To insult my mother is disgusting. I do not want mother spoken about in this way, neither do I want Lady Forte, Tracey Emin or Kay Saatchi who have been wonderful to me: My mother has taught me everything, intellectually, musically, artistically, etc, Lady Forte, is my godmother from my confirmation, Tracey Emin is a lovely human being, and Kay, well Kay has been there since I was born. Remove the blog and desist in this second rate abuse which not even my friends or contemporaries resort to. My mother is not a bully! She has helped everyone that I know, even in the smallest measure. As for social climbing, she didn’t need to , she was already there. Whether you like her or not, keep your fighting off the web! It is vulgar to fight online. And with reference to Victoria, my father did not marry a weirdo in fact they still love each other. Life is complicated and blurry. We are humans first and for most, who ALL make mistakes. So I forgive you, where others would not.

Charles, I have known Tracey for thirty years. Your mother was vile and rude to me and I wont tolerate it. I think you are sweet to defend your mother. I really do. As for Lady Forte, her treatment of her son Charles was disgusting.

The blog exists and therefore, as much as I respect your defense it cannot be removed.

By Post Author

Why don’t you change the post? Stalin and Hitler deserve this, not my mother or the people involved.

Everybody is entitled to own oppinion, it is wonderful, people should express what they think. And to be who they truly are. It makes them more happy if nothing else. And this article tells more about the author than the people being tastelessly bashed in it.

who’s had their tongue in the pencil sharpener then, while we all form our own opinions on everything in our life i have found it better not to always voice them, however some people only learn from bitter bitter experience, i hope you never have to see anyone you decry ever again, even if for only their sake

What a bunch of cry babies!! If you don’t like it, don’t read it.
Hey Duncan,
I am reader number 3. Love, love the vlog

From Tim Willis:

Well, I’m a bit in shock, to be honest. I just think that stuff you blogged was not your finest hour. It made me worried for you actually – to have so much anger boiling away in you that, having had your fun, you wouldn’t even take it down or edit it. I owe you, because you were the one that got me to turn to the fellowship in my own ineffectual way – but to me It seemed so un-programme of you to come out in public and judge people like that. God knows, you and I have our problems, but so does Kay, and how will she think of the fellowship now? And so of course, does Amanda…

You know, you weren’t really fair to Amanda. I’m sure you were trying to stick up for me – albeit unasked for – but she and I were both dysfunctional in that relationship, and in her favour, she was madly generous to me. She was always kind to you, too. In fact, she liked you and you had fun teasing each other. And you know she’s not a racist or a homophobe. If she got cross with Debbie, it wasn’t because of her colour – and actually they’re fond of each other – while her roster of gay friends speaks for itself. You took a jokey saying and made it sound like she was a Nazi.

Then there was the stuff about Mark Guard and that decorator girl – which of course they denied saying to you. You may have been trying to stick up for them, too, but they didn’t return the compliment. As for Tracey, she said she really admired you and liked you, but she was sad that you were putting your incredible talent into a blog like that. (Because, yes, it was a good piece of writing, – but only in the sense that Lee Harvey Oswald was a good shot!)

Besides, think of the collateral damage to yourself that you risk. Amanda is best mates with Amanda Nevill, who runs the BFI. Johan has film interests and is a mate of Richard Caring. Do you need these people’s suspicion? I’m so fond of you, Duncan. We go back a long way, and I would hate to lose your friendship, but can’t you delete or soften those blogs? Take out the SEOs, start again, and lets all have a happy new year? As for Amanda and me, we’re friends, thanks. But whatever our differences, we always would have been in the end.

God. look at me, banging on and lecturing you. But I am doing it in private – and I am appealing to the angel in you. Whatever the anger was about, why not let it go? If we put all the history behind us, I think we three could still have a lot of fun. And I’m sure if you change the negativity into a positive action, good karma – for want of a better word – will follow. Hoping LA and your movie are working out. I’m in pretty good shape after six meetings in seven days (and off the number eight right now)! Much love,

By Post Author

why don’t you and Tim just get a room, take him back, its obvious to me that he has always wanted you.

As I predicted..the homophobic slurr…you people

Tim confuses Amada’s ‘friendship’ with homosexuals with acceptance and understanding. Employing a gay to do up your house is not the same as supporting and nurturing.

By Post Author

As an Out gay guy since the 70s being called homophobic is ridiculous, I worked hard enough for CHE and Gay Switchboard for long enough to be able to make a comment from one old queen to another without worrying that it made me look like a naive straight.
So, Why don’t you depressing old queens just sort it out before you give us all a bad name

oh i see i am stupid am i, you will obviously tell yourself anything to make you right, what century are you living in, i had forgotten in my old age just how bitter some scene queens can be, would you have prefered i had said meet him up the back of jackstraws castle, might that have felt less homophobic

Martyn Lawrence-Bull-shit went to Saturday school at Italia Conti… Loree Rodkin once said his sister talks like a pearly queen, all Cockney Barrow Girl…

Martyn Lawrence-Bullard foward slash Bullshit is the biggest twat in Hollywood. Why on earth did Amanda hire ugly face to her house???????????

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