“What you looking at? Slag!”
“What the fuck are you looking at you slaaag?’
“Slag!”
I love the word slag. It fills me with joy.
We live in timid times. Nobody wants to offend anybody. Yet, everybody seems so angry. We all need to live more robustly. I loathe lots of things..but I should not be defined by my anger.
Some fluffy queen left comments for me yesterday. He had that part of his brain missing that determines’rational thought‘ or ‘over view’ or ‘context’. He felt ‘sensitive’ and marveled at my well-documented insanity. He thought I might be ‘obsessed’ and accused me of ‘cyber-bullying’.
Ho Hum.
I could hear through the written word his rasping voice…his terror of living in the light. As ‘Ryan’ defends fellow tribe member JB I want to drink a glass of neat whiskey.
I want to drive fast up the PCH in a red sports car to escape his whimsy. I want to call hookers and tell them that I will only pay them if they remain mute. If they keep their fucking mouths shut. If they said one word…I would not pay them.
Of course, I don’t have a red sports car and I am not interested in any kind of hooker..even a mute one. Ever.
Like the cancer in my balls the cancer in my head is JB. I am plagued with him. His flapping gait like some kind of untreated Victorian cripple. His wide eyes, open mouth, the face he affected of child-like-innocence that had indeed sucked a thousand cocks…just before he choked down mine.
I think I should give Ryan JB’s address and have them meet. They could be very happy together.
Last night I cooked dinner for a friend.
This morning I have more research to do.
Last night I watched the last Chilean miner pulled out of his tomb and into the light. I cried but wanted to cry more.
14 replies on “Bad Baby”
Feel better now?
yes
I think it is incredibly hard to detach after loving (and still loving) a sociopath.
And there are always thoughts of …if you could just somehow get them to see how they caused the pain, they would *understand* and so are tempted to try with them, long beyond what is healthy.
But they are like black souls, who will never understand and cannot feel such things.
It is very hard to forget about them, because there’s always that lack of closure.
Jesus. I say something non-psychophantic on your blog and suddenly I’m an entitled prick, a fluffy queen with a raspy voice. Seems a bit glib. Seems a bit manipulative (in context, I was trying to talk about your anger, how unhealthy that seemed for you, and how it _is_ defining you). Seems a bit irresponsible, remorseless and shallow… just checking off the list here, Duncan.
It seems like we’re all part of the same tribe, you, me, him, all gay men, just some of us are a little further along in the introspective process, in our own personal growth. I just want to say that hashing all of this out in such a public way makes your actions no better than his. Christ, man, aren’t there about 1,000 things you could be doing that would be making you feel better, rather than wallowing in this hurt, anger, and cruelty?
But if you want to chalk all of this up to just being the whining of a mincing faggot in the corner who’s missing part of his brain, OK. I’ll raise a glass to you.
OK Ryan, you put a smile on my face. Thanks for that. x
men he realy kised your as there
Robb you are a passive aggressive slaaaaag.
Frankly, your blog is boring when you constantly talk about Jake. Your petty jabs at him are actually pretty pathetic, and make you look way worse than him. Just my opinion.
Yes, I totally agree with you. I am really praying for this to go away too. It comes in waves you see. Some times I don’t give a damn about him. However, this is why I write the blog…to purge rather than bore my real friends in my real life. I am bored with it too. I have agreed with myself that once he pays me the money he owes me I will never, ever write about him again.
But what would be his motivation to pay you now? Other than doing the right thing, which, from all you’ve said, doesn’t seem likely. I mean, you’ve already written so much bad stuff about him, sent it into the cosmos, what would be the point?
Well, we will let the judge decide shall we? November 22nd. Lewisboro Town Court…I’ll keep you posted.
I can totally respect the need to vent. I sincerely hope you find peace, much sooner rather than later.
Ryan, I also wrote great and beautiful stuff about Jake. Stuff he was equally upset by when we were together. In fact, if you search from January onward everything I wrote was in awe of him…but you probably aren’t interested in that. You don’t seem to understand Ryan. He apologized for writing the bad shit he wrote to me…I just wasn’t willing to accept it. You live in NYC so why don’t you just seek him out and placate him yourself. He’s easy to find…everybody is nowadays.
Ha, not interested. I did read through, actually – part of the reason I said this anger didn’t seem to be doing you any good. You seem to have the capacity for great happiness when you focus on that… you just haven’t been focusing on that for the last couple of months, it looks like.