The house is rented for the week to nice sounding people from Texas. They arrive at 1.
I am looking forward to spending what may be one of my last weekends in Hollywood. I fill my suitcase with favorite things and return them to Malibu.
I am listening to BBC Radio Four, Gardeners Question Time. One of my favorite programmes, the show was first broadcast in 1947. My grandparents loved listening to it. My mother loves it too. I particularly enjoy listening to the advice of the more elderly gardeners they interview most weeks. Softly spoken with thick regional accents. Even though I cannot take their advice directly because, of course, my high sierra garden is nothing like the lush, green gardens of England.
This morning they discussed string beans.
I often forget that I can tune in and listen to BBC radio live everyday. It’s very reassuring listening to British news and opinion, current affairs and of course..The Archers.
Yesterday I trimmed the Bougainvillea around the terrace so one can eat breakfast and look over at the ocean.
I am struggling with my sad head, my achy balls, the move, the renovations and the house sale that I hope to make this year.
As for where next? God only knows.
The door that regularly opened between me and my creative mind is jammed shut. Barricaded by resentment. It is obvious that a life which includes a deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness…
I am planning my trip to Australia. The little dog will have to be in quarantine for 30 days and I fear that he will go mad without me. I can visit him every day at the kennel but I know that he will hate it. I would much prefer that he lived with someone he loved here whilst I am away. Or..maybe I shouldn’t go.
Whilst I seem to report only the most catastrophic thoughts and feelings in this blog I am actually working hard in therapy to understand the consequences of my actions. As a single man the consequences of watching porn, masturbation, hook ups etc, are few. However, I had a delicious revelation at group therapy on Wednesday night. I have struggled applying what I know to work in AA to my sex/love addiction. I needed a key to unlock this conundrum. Someone in the group shared that when he read the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous he replaces the word drink with think. We have lost the ability to drink like normal people. Becomes: We have lost the ability to THINK like normal people.
I began to make my way through the Big Book replacing the word drink with think and suddenly began to totally embrace how I could make sense of my sex/love addiction.
Through the pain of the last few weeks as I hurtle away from Jake leaving him somewhere in the cosmos I have wilfully forgotten the solace I get from my commitment to sobriety in which ever form that takes.
Must remember to sweep the paths.
14 replies on “Think Like Normal People”
Amen.
please.. oh please don’t quarantine little dog.. I suspect you may have it backwards. Little dog is taking care of you! Fingers crossed for you little guy.
I agree with Robb. Putting little dog in a kennel for a month would be torture. Why are you going to Australia? Treatment? Work? New place to live? Would little dog be better staying with a friend? Depending, of course the length of your stay.
If I go it will be for 3-6 months. It’s the sort of kennel that you visit every day
I would love to take care of your puppy until you come back. No strings attached
Duncan,
It sounds like you are getting to a good place. Using the wisdom of the Big Book, can only continue to give you solace and a well-tested way to navigate the madness of the world. There’s a book called “The Sane Society” that proposed that our society itself, is insane and warps the people that live in it. It also talks about how to create sanity in society and to prevent being infecting by the insanity that exists.
You didn’t mention why you are going to Australia but if it’s necessary for your health or your sanity, the “Lil Dog will understand. He loves you and he needs you to be well on all levels. If you think that he will be too upset by having to be in quarantine, then ask one of your friends to take care of him for you. What about Jenny? Or John? They both know how much he means to you and they’re both loving, caring people.
As for your creative mind, they say to write what you know. If you’re feeling resentful, then write about resentment. Write poems, short stories. Write a roman a clef about that person who is anathema, that will never see the light of day. You can print it out and burn the pages afterward. You can run a program that totally erases the file from your hard drive. Shreds it. It will have served it’s purpose. Write about anger, resentment, sadness. Write about a man who’s struggling with finding his way now that he’s sober. Who’s feeling almost paralyzed and unable to make future plans. Write limericks. Write anything. Just write. It doesn’t have to be up to your normal high standards. It’s just drafts. Just to prime the pump. Just do it.
Do you ever remember reading a writing technique where you write a character name or a description of a setting for a story or a premise, put it on the center of the page, like the hub in an orb spider’s web, and then just free associate? Write whatever words or phrases or sentences that come to your mind. It’s just an exercise to free up the gummed gears in your head. It’s from a book called “Writing The Natural Way”:http://www.amazon.com/Writing-Natural-Gabriele-Lusser-Rico/dp/0874779618 Here, also, is a link to a creative writing primer: http://braindance.com/bdimmap4.htm I know that you’ve never had to use anyone else’s techniques because it’s just flowed naturally but since you’re stuck… why not give it a shot?
We’re all in your corner. Remember that good energy multiplies exponentially and any bad energy dissipates because it enervates the sender. And I’m not talking about the anger or resentment that you’re feeling because of the pain that you’ve suffered. Just don’t brood. Concentrate on all the good winging your way and all the beauty that surrounds you. You are so lucky in so many ways being surrounded with beauty and with the resources to take care of yourself medically. Didn’t you write about a young man who had gone through the extremes of what can happen in your situation? How amazing it was that he was handling it with such grace? Are you still in touch with him? Maybe he would be grateful to be your sponsor in a way. On the journey that you’re undertaking.
If I was there, I would give you some lovely artisan bread and some Himalayan salt in a lovely reusable container as a housewarming gift for your new abode to wish you abundance, but since I’m not. *Metal Rabbit, with permission, gives Duncan a big hug and a horse shoe to hang above your door for luck*
Blessings,
Amanda
Robb: If you mean Varian Fry, the journalist, only what I’ve read. He’s called the American Schindler. Why? Blessings.
Very layered story. Might be worth a screenplay.
Robb: Definitely worth a screenplay. But why, specifically, ask me about him? Tell me if you’d like to contact me by e-mail or on Twitter. Blessings.
Compelling and Multi layered story that may or may not have homosexual undertones with regard to Eleanor rosselvelt as well as the injustice and dispair AFTER having done somethings so brave. Could make a great project for d. Wanted your vibe. 🙂
Robb: It was the reference to “The Sane Society” wasn’t it? Why you brought up Varian Fry. Blessings.
thinking like a normal person is awfully difficult when your not. as a addict, your not a normal person and it takes relearning everything from ground up.years and years of it. one is always a work in progress..is there ever a end result tho?can you ever say, here i am, im complete now? one day at a time, thats all you can do.
HI guys, (and of course Duncan) I work at a boarding kennel in Northern CA. We’ve had many dogs come for extended stays and it was not torture. Dogs are routine oriented, most dogs, once they get into the routine of kennel life; they are fine. My only (and completely un-asked for advice) is to actually not visit for the first few days. The dog may think it is going home with you when you first visit. Let it get use to the staff at the kennel and the routine there.
There was a documentary about Varian Fry on Ovation channel this past week. It may have been Sundance, sorry I don’t recall.
I can’t say enough about how much I appreciate and enjoy Duncan’s blogs, I’ve been following them since Celeb Re-hab started. Best wishes to you Duncan, Jan
Robb:
I might follow up — script-wise — on this, “He wrote and spoke critically against U.S. immigration policies particularly relating to the issue of the fate of Jews in Europe. In a December 1942 issue of The New Republic, he wrote a scathing article titled: “The Massacre of Jews in Europe”.” which is taken from the Wikipedia article here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Varian_Fry Especially, since it was obvious to a blind man and certainly those in the State Department, that after the Nuremburg Laws: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anti-Jewish_legislation_in_prewar_Nazi_Germany went into effect in 1935, that the follow through could be nothing but disastrous for all European Jews, and German Jews in particular. The prevalent antisemitism in the US was shown for what it was after the war in the 1947 film, “Gentleman’s Agreement”: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gentleman%27s_Agreement
The possible homosexual undertones, relating to Eleanor Roosevelt, would be very interesting to look at as to whether her marriage was one of convenience or a true love match between two people, who would have had to have an “open” marriage and therefore, would have been social outliers at the time. In particular, it might shed light on the decades long love affair of FDR. However, considering the types that were involved in the high society at the time, like Beryl Markham and Isak Dinesen, and the whole Happy Valley set in colonial Africa, where it seems that there was a great deal of fluidity as to marital boundaries and sexual preference, perhaps not. Mary Jayne Gold: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary_Jayne_Gold, the heiress, who helped finance Fry, sounds very much like Beryl Markham.
As to projects… have you considered Alan Turing? He was gay, brilliant, a major force at Bletchley Park and in winning WWII through the reverse engineering that enabled the creation of the Enigma machine that broke the German codes. He was treated dishonorably and viciously by his country after being outed. A year after being sentenced to take female hormones “to treat” his homosexuality, he committed suicide. He coated an apple with poison and ate it. If that’s not cinema, I don’t know what is. I think I first read about him in “The Mind’s I”: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Mind%27s_I. Infuriated me. Just tragic. He deserved so much better.