NO MORE DEAD WEIGHT

Duncan, Duncan, Duncan what are you doing?

I wrote this comment in response to your more recent Sept 6th post entitled George Clooney/Whitstable containing yet another diatribe against Jake – a particularly vile one at that (and one I am sure George did not want to have his name associated with), but by the time I went to submit my comment, you had taken the post down – wise move, so I am posting my comment on this older post.

Duncan, for your own good, you’ve got to stop trying to destroy and humiliate Jake, his girlfriend and his family with this blog. With every embarrassment you heap upon him by exposing him in such a public way it speaks much more to your unhealthiness and cruelty than any hurt you feel he caused you. No good will come of it.

I don’t know Jake, you or anyone else in your world. I began reading your blog (and Jennie K’s) last December after celebrity rehab aired to see if you would embrace your recovery and transform your life. I never cease to be inspired by people can overcome tremendous pain and trauma and build a happy life for themselves, as Jennie is doing.

In January, a red flag appeared when I read about your meeting Mr. Darling NYC as it seemed way too soon in the recovery process, given your history, to establish a healthy relationship with someone ready and able to give. And by the third week of January your words revealed that indeed Jake, a man in crisis, dealing with the torment leaving his girlfriend of seven years, coming out, wanting to experiment as a newly out gay man, was not going to be someone you could have a healthy satisfying relationship with. You seemed on a slippery slope back into addiction as you obsessively continued on with him (as you yourself said, this time in the form of a “love addiction” rather than a “porn addiction”).

You couldn’t possibly have wanted a real relationship with him because he was clearly not available. Early on he told you repeatedly he wanted to be with other men, even recounted his experiences with others and further angered you by partaking in recreational substances far too often for your comfort. So I don’t understand the rage and the claims of betrayal that underpin your continued savaging of him, his reputation and his family so publicly. Where is the authenticity in this? It is just cruel and undignified and more a testament to the state of your unhealthiness than his. You can never take these things back – they are all over the internet for all to read now and his full name still appears on your blog, in big print no less. You have effectively destroyed his reputation professionally (any time someone who is considering having him represent them googles him, they will read all this – and see the pictures), and it’s bad enough that you are using this blog like an AK-47 to try to mortally wound him, but you are firing indiscriminately creating a lot of collateral damage, taking down his girlfriend, family and friends who did nothing to you. I am sure there have been serious ramifications for him as a result of what you have done on these pages. No doubt you wanted this.

I have some compassion for the hurt you feel – even though you brought a lot of it on yourself. But that compassion is tempered by the fact that you could have walked away from him so many times early on when he was clearly not going to be able to give you what you said you needed. Why didn’t you just tell him you were looking for more and be done with it. Why keep going to New York to see him when you were so frequently disappointed and then take him on a trip with him to Europe – when by that time you had all the evidence you needed that he was who he was – it was you who chose to deny the facts and set yourself up for disappointment after disappointment. If you want to be authentic, be honest — you tried to make the relationship into something it was not. You used the blog to cajole, romance, provoke, control and punish him. Then when he decided enough was enough you turned your full public fury on him and embarked on a course of sustained public flagellation.

You should have known when you harshly shut Jennie out because she saw you vulnerable and honest about the immense pain you were in when you lost the big dog, that you had much work to do before you could embark on a relationship. You punished Jennie both publicly (sniping at her in the blog) and in your personal relationship because she saw you at your core – something I am sure only made her care about you more and feel more closely to you, since one is at their best when they are vulnerable, not their worst.

Now with Jake, instead of expressing your pain and rage at him privately, you are on a rampage to destroy him because you felt vulnerable with him. Why continue to demean yourself by spewing such public venom that seems to have no end, when you could just stop! Why inflict the brutality that was once so unfairly visited upon you on others? Who is ever going to want to get close to you if this is what they can expect if they don’t live up to what you want from them?

Put all your energy into aggressively getting yourself healthy physically, financially and emotionally. You are clearly in the throws of addictive behavior and in deep denial about your role in it. It doesn’t seem like group therapy has helped you. Think about intensive one-on-one therapy. Think about not blogging for a year, not dating for a year, focus that energy on getting healthy and working creatively or just working so you don’t have so much time on your hands.

I can’t imagine any good will come if you continue down this road of destruction and self delusion. If you truly do have 210,000 readers of this blog I am sure a many of them are as uncomfortable as I am watching you flail out of control or maybe it is a case of gawking at the aftermath of an accident. I have waited for someone call you on the vengeful way you have been dealing with things, but you seem only to have a very small coterie of regular commenters who pat you on the back and give you support no matter what you do (or maybe you simply don’t print the critical comments. It does seems odd that there are so few comments for a blog with 210,000 readers).

I feel as though I been watching someone banging their head against a wall and now there is blood dripping from the wound and they are complaining about the pain. You need to stop. I’m sure there have to be some people in your life telling you this. Listen to them, take responsibility for your actions, get some help and stop acting out. I truly hope for your sake you find a way to get to a better place.