My date last night was perhaps the first proper date that I had ever had. We were meeting to see if we could sustain more than a moment of initial attraction. Isn’t that what a date is all about? I had been looking forward to it all week not least because I am so eager to get over the hesitant, unwilling Mr. NYC…should I start using his name rather than some acronym?
Whenever one is transitioning from one relationship to another it is almost impossible not to compare what was with what is on offer. So, in order to beat that particular demon we talked about last loves and expectations. Frankly it was wonderful to just be in the same room as a man who one found attractive rather than the constant yearning of the past 6 months. The more I sat with this strange new boy the more at ease I became and the more attractive he seemed to me. But unlike the last I would have to work a great deal harder to capture this butterfly.
For a start-I am not and will never be his physical type. If we have types…I suppose I may surpass types. I am the charismatic, art collecting, goat rearing, F150 driving, Vivienne Westwood wearing anomaly so getting to have dinner with me is just about me and who I am.
Of course he knew more about me than I him as my life is flayed all over the Internet. He looked at me with curious blue eyes. At times he was deliciously coy. This man/boy is incredibly well-educated with a compelling story and good connections. A bit deaf-or maybe I was mumbling. Our recent experiences with men have confused us. I urged him not to let these last encounters destroy what we love most about men…anyhow it is the very essence of jade that is peculiar to gay men and is as attractive to me as rat poison. It is true to say however that we are both a little bruised by recent loves, a little reticent. I want to meet men unfettered and with abandon. It is my aim.
He is a recent émigré to LA so enjoying all that the city has to offer. Irritatingly, unable to stop myself, I began a tirade against my adopted home and found myself saying things to him that I didn’t even believe anymore-it’s just easier to gripe about Los Angeles rather than take ownership of it.
Of course he is strikingly good looking…a willowy boy, tall, and slim like an 18th century romantic hero. An extraordinary gait. Floppy blond hair and the most beautiful nose. He drank one glass of white wine, which scarcely seemed to affect him at all. We ordered three courses because I knew that today I was going to go on a diet and start my gym training with David at Gold’s in Venice.
Rabbit good. Bratwurst bad. Cakes divine.
I have no idea if I will kiss his neck or sweep the blond hair out of his eyes. I have no idea if we will meet in Paris or drive to San Francisco on a whim but there’s a chance that we may and if we don’t, well…I know I made good choices tonight. Good for my brimming heart.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-q4foLKDlcE]
6 replies on “Date Night”
Glad the date went well,ah… I remember that heady excitement of the new and unknown.
I loved the video, my little cat was in awe, staring at the screen, listening to the music, she is a fan.
Have yourself a fab weekend D.
You made the jump! YAY D!!! Does this dude know how lucky he is? You would make a great bf, one would never get bored, hope it progresses well.
And off topic here, I have never thought anything of gay men or women being parents.Being a parent doesnt have much to do with your sexuality, in fact i know lots of hetros who shouldnt have had kids.In these times I think it takes much patience, love and hard work to be a parent.Doesnt matter what your partners sex is, as long as they raise the child together, with love.Kids arent puppys{tho some times youd wish they were} Now go make your new intrest some banana nut loaf and dazzle him! and if lil dog likes him, tharrr ya go!
Duncan,
I’m so happy that I can sense such joy from you. I’m glad that you had a lovely date. A real first date, Flirting & conversation & exploration. It sounds like you had a wonderful time. Do you realize, from your description of him, that he sounds like a male version of Joni Mitchell? If he can sing and he surfs, you may have the complete fantasy. A lovely fantasy but…. Like a loving mother/father would tell an infatuated child, “It’s a first date. You don’t have to marry the guy.” It’s like your Inner Child can finally feel the texture and taste the candy in the candy store and is going on a binge. What I’m trying to get at here is,
In one month, you will be leaving to go to London via Paris to take care of what sounds like dicey, scary business. I can understand that you would want emotional back-up but I wonder if you’re thinking clearly when you talk about inviting someone you hardly know to go with you, instead of inviting one of the few close friends that you count on for emotional support & a reality check. It would be different if this was a pleasure trip. But it’s not.
Undertaking the care and feeding of a new baby relationship, let alone the hand feeding of an adolescent fussy eater which you did with the one with Lamb Head — when you were contemplating taking him along with you — is not something to be done when the chips are down. When the chips are down, you want to be standing on the rock of the emotional security provided by your true friends. And you know who they are. You don’t want to be standing on what may prove to be shifting sand. You’ve got too much at stake and you need to have a clear head and NOT LOSE YOUR FOCUS. You want someone who can feed you. Mentally, emotionally, psychically, spiritually. Who can put their back up against yours with swords drawn and fight whatever is coming at you with the same strength on all levels that you have.
Seriously, dude, you’re facing a tap dance through a mine field and you’re contemplating putting on pretty lead boots. I worry for you. Are you talking with your therapist, your sponsor? You seem on cloud 9 and that’s not a place you want to be right now. (Well, maybe, you do want to be there but it’s NOT a good vantage point.) You’re rebounding so hard, I worry where you’ll land. But then you’ve got your Higher Power. And I know that you’ll have a soft place to fall. And Love to retrieve you.
Infinite blessings,
Amanda
This makes complete sense. Take a old friend for support and fun.
Agree completely Amanda.
Very Hollywood-ish story. Please tell more! If you do, of course, I cannot promise we will not go Nile green with envy.
Or jealousy. Not envy. Jealous of the white-wine-drinker.
Cheers!