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Troubled Child

My friend’s 13-year-old troubled child is here at the house.

To tell you the truth…I don’t find him very troubling.  Why?  Because I was just like him when I was his age.

Difficult, intransigent, argumentative, addict manque.

Though our home situations are very different I began feeling a deep regret for how I had treated my mother and brothers.  Without doubt the genesis of my anger toward them had some basis.

Seeing him treat his parents so appallingly, confound them, fight them…distresses me and everyone who witnesses it.  He demands money with menace, internet privileges and rides to see other equally troubled, weed smoking teens.

It has been a particularly hard week for my friends.  Interrupting a drug deal he was making with a pair of 16 year olds in a car, a deal funded by money he had stolen from his mother, he attacked his Cambridge educated father and literally ripped the shirt off his back.

Until that moment his father had been his great ally and protector.  Until he saw what the rest of us had seen for some time…that there was nothing his own child wouldn’t do to get what he wanted.

The violence toward his parents is shocking to witness but he tends to behave properly when I am around because, rightly, he is scared of me.  I refuse to co-sign his bullshit.  I am bigger and potentially twice as violent and, of course, he knows that I will not acquiesce.

He steals anything he can lay his hands on and lies about it.

The last time I was at the house he stole $20 from me.  I just demanded it back and he handed it over.  When caught he tends to walk into a weird cloud of denial.  Glazed, fearful.

After he attacked his father the police came and cuffed him.  They wanted to take him to juvenile hall but his parents balked at the last moment.

It is only a matter of time before he ends up in very serious trouble.

I was sent to boarding school so my parents could live a normal life.  It suited me to be away from the house.  It suited them to get on with their normal, family life.

The problem seems to be that this kid has no passion for anything other than money.  He isn’t, as I was, sketching imaginary couture collections, writing plays or poring over houses I would one day build.

His stated aim: the acquisition of money.  He will do anything he can to get hold of it.  He doesn’t have anything particular he wants to spend it on.  He just craves hard cash.

Ultimately he will leave home and make his own mistakes…in his own time, on his own dime…but for now he tortures his parents and sisters with tantrums, violence and vile words.

When things get really bad at the house his desperate mother calls me and I sleep over.

Calm is restored.  Last night we made tea and dipped strawberries in chocolate.

I know, of course, how things will end up for him: jails, institutions and death.

It is the way of the addict.  We are all similarly destined until we take those imperative steps toward sanity and abstinence.

4 replies on “Troubled Child”

that’s a wonderful thing you are doing to help your friends.It is a horrible age to deal with. I think a straightfoward approach like your ‘take no prisoners approach’ and the fact you are not afraid of upsetting him will help him see his behaviour is not acceptable.Kids like him think they are smarter than adults, he’s met his match with you

As the song says, “Hide your wife, hide your kids”, above all, buy a stout safe and hide your silver! Good on ya for doing good, but the road to hell is paved w/ good intentions. Don’t let that lil bastard get to you, they are master manipulators.

Don’t forget the safe. I have to use vise grips to open my 50 yr old one, b/c it’s been thru 2 teenagers and has the handle broken to a nub, due to an attempt on it w/ a pipe wrench.

If my kids ever get into it, they will soooo disappointed. It has silver-plate flatware and $20 bills LOL. Plus my car keys-those are sacred!

I work with teeangers in a childrens home in Scotland, i can see both the parents and the childern i look afters point of view, it is incredibly difficult as a carer too, you get close to these young people, and like you with this kid, they know the boundaries, but sooner rather than later they get into serious trouble and i am left feeling a failure! I am currently studying psychology and have to blog on a topic of my interest which is addiction. Feel free to look at my blog, its only the begginning so dont expect much.

I really love the way you write x

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