It’s 4am and I can’t sleep. My head is full up with doubt and death, my heart remains broken. I don’t think it will ever be fixed. It was herculean, the task of keeping what I thought was worth fighting for.
How long does convalescence take?
There are solutions to deal with this…like prayer…but it’s not always easy to get the path cleared sufficiently.
Yep, after a week of gardening, path clearing…well…the path in my head that leads to clarity and peace of mind is still cluttered.
There’s a great deal to sort out before I leave for France this December. I am trying to organise a house swap. Somewhere for paradise. I want to be in Paris.
I had dinner with Toby on Saturday night and he asked if I had any desire to go to places I hadn’t already been and the answer is no. I don’t want to visit anywhere I don’t already know.
Who isn’t shocked by the angry white man who murdered all those people in Norway? I am not often shocked. Angry white men who can’t bear the way the world is changing. Turning on his own to make a point. What’s the point?
I have a painful bite on the back of my head. Mosquito I hope. Itchy.
The A List airs today. Why did I get involved? I know why. Part of my Jake madness. Making so many bad choices. Then I saw Midnight in Paris, it’s a sweet film. Charming. Going to Paris with a man you think you love only to find out you can’t stand each other.
I wish him well.
I began to have the same feelings for somebody else recently. Banished them. I will not go through anything remotely like the misery of the past year. I can’t.
Then I thought about the film Charlie and I started writing. My idea, he developed it. Neither of us had the stamina to complete it.
It was a beautiful idea.
I am going to write the research this week. Let you know what we saw, who we met.
I may try sleeping more. Crawl back into bed.
2 replies on “Doubt and Death”
I didn’t want you knowing I watched the A-list so I wasn’t going to say anything, as I would be humiliated to tell anyone. It’s like a makeshift collage, classmates made for broadcasting class. I saw they put all there money together for a hour long advertisement block on vh1 for there premiere which was taken down as soon as it was put up. Ryan’s whole head looks like a marshmallow peep; he touches and cuts peoples hair for a living that’s gross. Derek is so stupid * I meet someone who’s British* I almost died laughing when he said that. He was so happy/ ….he was in love with you I can tell and I see how he’s crushed nowadays from you. He changed everything from his body, personal style to the way he makes a face *thanks to me* I just love it. Were you calling me white trash? Do you go blind when Austin stands in your field of vision? The rest of the cast…should as well stick to there day jobs. Logo is not Vh1; it’s a daycare for warped homosexuals. Leave reality TV to the professionals. TEAM DEREK! His mother made it clear to the world where he got his uselessness from. It’s not even worth me watching and publicly ruining….do I ever get to have my fun?
Duncan, you take care of everyone, please take care of yourself, look at checking in to a healing place.Get well so you can pursue your talents.
The book is waiting to be finished, the film is on hold YOU are on hold. Stuck. Stop wading through mud and leave the past where it belongs, pack it in a box and bury it. Walk up the hill don’t look back, stand at the top and survey all that is in front of you after you leave the bad behind. Do you really need the court case ? Fresh start is whats needed. You have so much going on in your life, slow down, heal yourself and get ready for Paris.You sound exhausted.Go and relax somewhere and stop running .