It’s 4am and I can’t sleep.  My head is full up with doubt and death, my heart remains broken.   I don’t think it will ever be fixed.  It was herculean, the task of keeping what I thought was worth fighting for.

How long does convalescence take?

There are solutions to deal with this…like prayer…but it’s not always easy to get the path cleared sufficiently.

Yep, after a week of gardening, path clearing…well…the path in my head that leads to clarity and peace of mind is still cluttered.

There’s a great deal to sort out before I leave for France this December.  I am trying to organise a house swap.  Somewhere for paradise.  I want to be in Paris.

I had dinner with Toby on Saturday night and he asked if I had any desire to go to places I hadn’t already been and the answer is no.  I don’t want to visit anywhere I don’t already know.

Who isn’t shocked by the angry white man who murdered all those people in Norway?  I am not often shocked. Angry white men who can’t bear the way the world is changing.  Turning on his own to make a point.  What’s the point?

I have a painful bite on the back of my head.  Mosquito I hope.  Itchy.

The A List airs today.  Why did I get involved?  I know why.  Part of my Jake madness.  Making so many bad choices.  Then I saw Midnight in Paris, it’s a sweet film.  Charming.  Going to Paris with a man you think you love only to find out you can’t stand each other.

I wish him well.

I began to have the same feelings for somebody else recently.  Banished them.  I will not go through anything remotely like the misery of the past year.   I can’t.

Then I thought about the film Charlie and I started writing.  My idea, he developed it.  Neither of us had the stamina to complete it.

It was a beautiful idea.

I am going to write the research this week.  Let you know what we saw, who we met.

I may try sleeping more.  Crawl back into bed.