Returning to LA I was recognized on the plane.  I felt like saying that I was NOTHING like the man they thought they knew.   I felt like telling him that as much as I would like to be the compassionate, helpful man he met on the TV I am not that guy.

I was almost rude.

Instead I smiled sweetly and let him believe in the man who had obviously helped him by sharing my story.

Why should I burst his bubble?  I did not take his number.  He so obviously wanted to be my friend.  I can’t be your friend.

I tried that and now look.

I sat next to a girl who is going to be on a reality show that prems next week.  I told her, WARNED her..that under no circumstance date ANYONE who knows her from TV.   Avoid!

I told her my sorry story.  She looked aghast.

I have been dreaming very vivid dreams.

I dreamt that I was at the back of a church watching Jake get married to a man.  He was wearing a white suit.  He looked sooo happy.  In the dream..I was happy for him.  Then I woke up.  I wasn’t so happy.

I went to therapy this morning at 7am.  It was very helpful.  I listened intently to the men in that room and found solace.

There are things I need to do to make it all better.  Help others rather than myself for instance.  Concentrate on positive thoughts.

I bought a mouse trap.

Wish I hadn’t looked at that picture of Jake.   He looked happy.  He looked like he was having a blast.  I am now merely the wreckage of his past.  He plunders my life and just behaves like it’s party time.  It galls me so.

Yet, have I treated others like that?  I think I might have.  That was coy.  OF COURSE I HAVE.