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Love

Fuck You Jake

Duncan and Jake Bauman

Well, that’s that. I ended it. My relationship with lying Jake is over. That would be Mr Darling NYC and the mysterious travelling companion. That would be the man I paid to take to France.  My literary agent.

He is gone and I am relieved. As relieved as they say you feel when you file for bankruptcy. The tension and holding on and making good is over. The plans, the desire, the moments of hope that things will turn out better are turned to dust.

The very fact that I want to call it a relationship is somehow absurd. He didn’t want a ‘relationship’ because he is ‘protective of his independence’ one can read that as: wants to do whatever he pleases, just like he always has. Before by deception, now by finding an idiot who’ll put up with his shit.

It seems to be true that sometimes you can’t be friends with those you have loved. There is simply too much baggage.

I really loved him and I loved making love to him. I loved holding him in my arms but I often wondered who he was really thinking about when we made love. After all, you were so often drunk or stoned or, on that one ghastly occasion, high on nitrate.

As the days passed since we returned from France my serenity began to slip away. I was less happy with our arrangement, with our situation, with our open relationship, with the just enough rope he let me have that tightened exponentially around my neck.

What I didn’t want, upon our return, was how things were before we left: a chasm that could only be filled with jerk off sessions on Skype, even though he was without doubt a genius at performing on his web cam. That was our staple until we got to France. Sex webcasting, firstly in his old place when he was with her then in his parents kitchen whilst they were out at work. Hygienic eh?

I realised that John was right..his ‘smidgen of compassion’ remark hit me hard. He saw that I was prepared to put up with not a great deal and be happy when actually I wanted and deserved a whole heap more.

You know, when the axe falls it falls swiftly and all communication must be cut. No more texts, no more Facebook, no more telephone call or emails. It is the only way I know how. I don’t hate the guy. Of course I feel used. I feel let down. The absence of reassuring emails before I went to have my testicular scan was evidence, irrefutable proof that he really didn’t give a fuck. Complete strangers seemed more interested in my health than he did.

More importantly I had enough. His final email summed it up:

I realize a large part of your life is devoted to confession and full disclosure but though honesty and directness are important to me, I deal with things differently than you do–not by speaking in front of large groups or blogging about my life…

He had seen me on TV then met me through my blog, deceived me into believing that it was my blog and not me that he was interested in then moaned when I wrote about what was going on between us. Suddenly privacy was paramount. You might be wondering why he went to France with me? Well, who in their right mind wouldn’t want a free trip to France with a doting fool?

As for honesty being important to you? I think others might think differently. When I challenged you in London during our street fight that you had lied to a woman for seven and a half years you kept on telling me that I was wrong, ‘I didn’t lie to her’ you cried, so deep was your denial.  Every time he fucked a man behind her back he lied to her.  A woman who expected to marry him.

He told me once that he was ‘addicted to lying’.  He certainly seemed addicted to drugs.  Using weed daily.  Crystal meth during sex.

He said that he didn’t want a hyper-emotional relationship yet the first five months were spent listening to him, willingly listening to him, divulge every detail..often in tears..of his coming out. He was always crying.

I lost my usefulness to him. he seemed to forget that I was there for him in his darkest hour yet he could not be here for me as I embark on what could be mine.

This morning was the final straw. “Why are we talking about me?” he whined when I asked about him. Suddenly he was off-limits. From the incredibly intense weeks of his ‘coming out’ where I made myself available to him 24/7 his story was suddenly secret.

Oh Jake, what a silly billy you are. You think ‘freedom’ means meeting endless fuck buddies on Manhunt. You thought that I would put up with that because just a smidgen of compassion would do. You thought that you wouldn’t bring two very different people to the same conclusion about you.

You were wrong.

I totally get why she doesn’t want anything more to do with you.

There was a moment in an airport somewhere in the world when I was irritable with you about something or other and you looked sad, sad that you had treated her like I was treating you.

My friend saw the pictures on Facebook that I posted of us and he said, ‘He doesn’t even like you.’ I felt sick because often I felt that, that I was doing the loving for both of us. That at the end of the day you would and did tell me I was too old and difficult and all the other reasons you gave me for not letting me have a hope in hell..then you’d come crawling back when things weren’t working out for you. A drunken text on the train home. I knew that when you were with the other Manhunt men I just became an irritation. Like she was when you met me. She was just getting in the way.

It is vaguely irritating that I let him so close to everyone I hold dear in my life. It is even more irritating that he has made friends with my friends yet I know not one of his. Telling isn’t it?

You met me here, we’ll say goodbye here.

For more information on JB please see Adam_Patch on Manhunt. He is looking, so he says, for good people. Oh yeah, and don’t be a cliché.

Avoid this man.   He will lie to you.  He’s cute but he’ll only be interested in you if you have money and let him get away with doing exactly what he pleases.

46 replies on “Fuck You Jake”

and let it go now D, purge yourself darlin,you deserve the real love.
you knew, its in yer eyes..xxxx

That was the best ‘gfy’ letter ever! I’m glad you’re rid of him. So he’s that NYC dude who comments here, I guess. I could tell he knew you somehow. I’m glad you exposed him. I sure hope he sees it. He must be a total feminine hygiene product. You need to find someone who isn’t aware you’re famous at first, or someone as famous as you, so you are sure he isn’t just wanting you for fame or wealth.
This isn’t to say your commentors here don’t love you, because we do.

Oh good! Very sorry, truly am. Totally embarrassed. You see, the NY tag threw me off, plus I’m an airhead. For instance, when he first spoke of the companion, I thought they were just friends. Doh!

Duncan, I am sincerely and deeply sorry for your pain. You are such a loving person. You’re such a good and honest person. Sadly so many are not – Q.E.D. You didn’t deserve any of this. Best, Leslie

You have every right to that blog.. I only wish you kept it to yourself. Path gets harder when you kick up the stones in front of you rather than leaving them behind. Anger simmers and you deserve better and you knew it. Been there. Fools for love beauty and inspiration. Good luck.

Robb,

I get the idea of not publicly burning bridges. However, I think that this excerpt from George Carlin’s “Last Words” is relevant, “… Even more basically I needed to authenticate myself by hearing what I was thinking said out loud. The best way I know to clarify my thinking is to hear and see what I think I’m thinking. Because however clear it may seem to you internally, it’s never clear exactly what is is, until you speak and hear the words. You are your own first-night audience.” We are Duncan’s audience and bouncing his thoughts off us, whatever our responses, helps him clarify things to himself. He can accept our input or ignore it but we are like the wall in the handball court. The ideas get bounced off us and returned to their originator. Perhaps with more spin. 🙂

Blessings,

Amanda

uff robb, dont be harsh, when your pissed, you do whats best for yourself, regrets be damned.we have all been there and thats why i sympathize..let D gut it and go on, how is it that D has the right to the blog, but not to keep it private?
we all get meshuganah when we are hurt, we are his m8s, his readers who care, who else can you vent to?

good point. taken. perhaps i enable , just hate to see any one in pain.
but we have all had to pull our selves up.

and ive never had to worry about my balls, other things yes, but all in all it has to be stressfull

Duncan, I believe that publishing his name and picture are your way of letting him go.
Does anyone else see the resemblence between you two? He is your alter ego in more ways than one.You look so hurt in that picture.You deserve so much better.
I hope he reads this comment,he is a selfish shit.I remember advising you not to pay for this man’s trip, didn’t even know who he was.
I am not kidding when I say that the more you give to a partner, the more they’ll walk all over you, especially with a younger man, younger men are programmed to be takers.You are confirming that all consuming love every time you give. Next time, oh yes, there will be a next time, hold back, observe, and let them love you enough.
I hope you are open to receiving the lover thats been waiting in the background for this episode of your life to end. He is out there D.the intellegent, generous, fabulous man you deserve. Please make that list, don’t forget to put generous and sharing.
Don’t let anyone have the power over you ever again.
I mean it when I say I send love to you, seeing you on TV (fantasia piece) brought a big smile to my face.
Good luck with the biopsy, I have a feeling you will be fine.
best regards,your friend.
I know you will be fine

If you check your comments, I predicted you would end up hating each other from the first day you took off on your vacation with “the traveling companion.”

Actually Ruby, I don’t hate him. I hate what he does. And, if I remember, your half baked prediction was all about us hating each other before the end of what was a glorious vacation. I am perfectly sure that this will teach both of us a great deal.

Bravo!!! That was pure poetry
We all deserve to be loved, and specially to be appreciated. WHAT A SAD PIECE OF ASS IS JAKE B.!!
“Life without thankfulness is devoid of love and passion. Hope without thankfulness is lacking in fine perception. Faith without thankfulness lacks strength and fortitude. Every virtue divorced from thankfulness is maimed and limps along the spiritual road.” -John Henry Jowett

I’m glad you found the strenth and the self worth to correct a situation that wasn’t right for you. You are a valuable person and the right person will really be present for you in the dark and light times. There is nothing more precious in this world than love. Love for yourself and the love of another for you. You are someone’s bashert and they will be blessed to find you.

Duncan,

Alexandra’s comment..”you are arrogant”

Leave you with women who don’t need a male perspective .. venum or mothering.

Good luck bloke.

aaww don’t go… I’m sure they didn’t mean to run you off. I always like to hear what you will say whether I like it or not. I believe there may be some truth in what you said, because if you blog w2hen you’re angry, you might regret what you say later. But on the other hand, if it makes Duncan feel better, then more power for writing this post. I bet Duncan would like a male perspective, because women often are nurturers. You tell it as you see it, but you’re never mean to Duncan. You really should stay, which is my humble opinion.

You deserve much better than you were getting. I’m sorry that his actions were so juvenile.

Duncan,

God! You look so SAD in that photo. It’s so telling… he’s resting peacefully leaning on you, and you look miserable.

Good on you. You finally kicked the damn door off the hinges of the closet that you were cloistering yourself in to protect his poor, tender sensibilities without any regard to your own. I’m so glad that you finally stopped casting yourself in the role of the wicked wizard who lures poor Hansel to the gingerbread house and a nice hot oven by means of the lovely, tasty aroma from your blog that tempted the poor starving lad. It seems that you’ve roasted your gigot and served him up with mint sauce for our delectation. Delightful, I must say. And way past due.

You said that he was sad in the airport because he had the realization that he had treated his ex-girlfriend the way that you were treating him. Au contraire, he was sad because he sensed that you were finally getting tired of his shit and that his free ride was coming to an end. That you were spellbound, no more. From your description, he’s a narcissist. It was always about him and rarely about you. He gave you just enough to keep you hooked, so he could reel you back in when it looked like you were going to break the line. Like you said, he gave great performance. You are so well rid of him.

You deserve so much more as everyone has said. Not someone who calls you old and difficult but someone who loves you for your manliness and maturity and who appreciates and can handle complexity. Someone who wants to be in their body, looking into your eyes and making sure that when you make love that you KNOW that it’s YOU that want to be with. YOU, that they’re seeing, even if they close their eyes. Certainly, not someone who was “so often drunk or stoned or, on that one ghastly occasion, high on nitrate.” I can’t imagine how lonely you must have felt.

But right now, I think that you’ve come to the realization that you loved your ideal of him. Of a companion/soulmate. It wasn’t the man, himself. Like I said, he was the test run. Now you know a relationship is possible and that you want one. Now you can create your vision board for the real deal. You already got someone “somewhat sincere”. I don’t know about the “kind” part. So now, go for the gold. Someone at least as kind, generous, wickedly funny, catty, scary smart, courageous, whimsical, nurturing, nature loving, a foodie, an art/theater/film/literature lover of words, dog lover (of course)… oh, and someone with at least a bit of dash. Handsome, can’t hurt, either. 😉 Someone on your level or even someone who makes you play above your game. YOU CAN HAVE YOUR SOULMATE! Just remember that word’s have POWER.

I can understand why a few people think the blog maybe should have been one of those closure letters that you write and either mail to the person or just burn. Without posting on a blog. However, I think that you’ve done what you’ve been doing for so long which is living out loud and sharing the process. Giving yourself and us the honesty that you compartmentalized for so long to make the illusion last. And you’ve done the rest of the world a favor by warning them of what they’re getting when they begin to fall for that handsome face and beguiling line of bullshit of his. That old black magic. You’ve outed him for what he is. A user. I’m glad you don’t hate him. That would mean that you’re still attached and that he still has a hook in you, poisoning your life. He’s out of your life and you’ve wiped the dust off of your shoes. Bravissimo!

I’m so sorry for any residual pain. Remember, you have great friends like John. And you will get through this and any medical tempest in a tea pot that brewing. I REFUSE to give energy to anything other than saying that scary words can’t hurt you. You beliefs about the scary words, can. Keep your chin up. Keep the faith. I know that God didn’t let you come this far only to give you the horse laugh. We DO NOT live in a malignant universe. Find your center and breathe in the beauty and the Love and Light. *Metal Rabbit, with permission, gives Duncan a huge bear hug.* Get to gettin’.

Blessings,

Amanda

I met that Jake and you are well shot of him..He was all charm and politeness and I knew he would piss you off. He reminds me of my attempts at finding love through chemistry.com and the ghastly Steven Pomeroy, not the plumber. He left me with all the bills and mumped off me for a week in the England, before returning home and taking another girl on holiday, Julie somebody who had apparently read my blog and continually insulted me behind my back, not comfortable with face to face, anyway he owes me 7,000 dollars.. and that was just for a week end. Anyway I am lucky nobody on the planet is as adorable as Tim Willis, whatever the relationship is it doesn’t matter he is allowed by my fireside wherever it is for however he long he wants to stay. I suggest we share him. Love you and come back to the good old NHS, they will kill you for nothing instead of charging you.. Then I can have two baskets by the fire.. AMANDA ELIASCH xx

Heartbreak is a motherfucker, especially when you’ve been deceived. As it appears, you gave him all of you and he just had no desire to reciprocate such generous actions(for who knows why) I always appreciate your sincerity and God-awful penchant for candor(I mean this in a good way) Like a wise man once said: things don’t change, only people do.

This post cracked me up, I think it’s because I was exposed to those dating sites at a young age and when the fun and humor were no longer so much, I was pretty disgusted. Mainly because of the dumbass shit that phony people write, such as what you mentioned at the end of this post. Hilarious, but kind of sad…

I met this guy recently. He sure does a good job of disguising his true nature. Glad I read this.

This guy must hate woment to have treated his ex girl friend like that. Risking her with HIV. Probably hates himself more.

This post ROCKS! This Jacob guy sounds like a fooool. He lied to you. He deserves to be punished. I heard about your blog from a friend. Gay men treat each other really bad.

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