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Death Dogs

One Year Ago Today

Therapy, collect cheque, Jennie Ketcham for breakfast.

Jennie and I walked the length of Abbott Kinney, found a new collar for the little dog and chatted about our various relationships.  She, of course, has a relationship..I do not.   She is in love and making a TV series and I am off to Paris with a friend.   A friend, nevertheless, who makes me smile.

Last night we saw some cool live music on the roof of the Standard down town..that would be Ryan, Justin and I..then we ate dinner at Bottega Louie.  I ate pork chops.  Somebody sent us a Shirley Temple with delicious cherries floating around in it.

I have to be discreet about the location but Prince and Lionel Ritchie played impromptu performance on another roof in another part of town..it seems that Prince is always up for an unexpected gig, I have seen him perform at hotels and bars and in that huge house he rented with purple carpet everywhere.

The night we saw Prince and bumping into Barbra Streisand in the Pacific Design Center are perhaps my most startling close encounters with celebrity..oh, and befriending Roseanne in Starbucks.

From out of the woodwork crawl all sorts of characters from the past and this week an old friend called after he lost his job.  It was all the more interesting because we had not had a cordial end to our friendship a year and a half ago but time heals and we said our brief apologies and got on with being friends again.

There is probably more to gain from knowing me than not knowing me.

Time is the greatest distance between two people. Tennessee Williams wrote that.  It is time that will end up miraculously mending all the smashed Ming vases that I am surrounded with.  Remember what I said about love being like a Ming vase?

Joan brought me a rather splendid Japanese tea-pot for my birthday that arrived in a huge box from Memphis.  I felt like a five-year old again.  Opening my birthday presents.

This day last year the darling big dog was killed.  Ripped apart in front of me under that truck..she kept on trying to live, trying to stay alive for me as we lay together in the back of my truck..in the flat-bed.  Jennie drove us to the animal hospital on Ventura Blvd and the nurse put her down with a lethal injection as I sobbed my little heart out.

The next day we collected her from the freezer and I cried all the way to Malibu, apologizing to her, reminding her of all the great time we had, crying and laughing until we buried her in a coyote proof hole in the garden she loved.

Sarah sang a beautiful song.  The little dog said his goodbye.

This year has been all about death.  The death of friends, the death of my dog and of course the death of love.   Tomorrow I want it to be different but I cannot be sure.  All I know is that I am trying to be the best man I can be, let go of the past..even the recent past, and forge ahead.

17 replies on “One Year Ago Today”

I just got back from England this morning. The loss of the Big Dog will always be with you. Please remember this in our grief. My husband’s mother is dying. She is 86, with a bad heart. She has lost her husband, her brother in law and sister in law in the last four years. This year she lost her oldest child. Please, for your own sake, don’t let this year be about death. Let it be about life. Every time you think of something painful and dark, think of the joy that same situation brought you. I look into my mother in law’s eyes and I see no light. She wants out. You are alive right now. Be alive.

Sonia,

Thank you.

Yes, please, Duncan, let this year be about life.

Blessings.

Sonia, you are so right. Look at that smile on lil dog laying upside down. Your right D, we have gained so very much by havin you in our lives.
Birthdays are for fun and just as much for the people who love you. Go with it, besides presents are wonderful!

….I am so glad you liked the teapot….and guess what….I think I will be back by the time you arrive….dinner….Soho House….etc..and of course a trip to Comme De Garcons….(I assume you are bringing the pink shoes)….I will call you later tonight!
xo

how the hell does any one shop for D?
but i bet you had fun shoppin for him! seeee birthdays are not just milestones or getting older, its a chance for people who love you, to give you something that reflects that. and cake. cake rules.

I love the picture of your dog. Little Dog I think. You will never forget your beloved Big Dog but your heart will heal in time. The violent ending was traumatic so it may take longer for you. But soon those bad memories will be pushed aside by newer and happier ones.

Duncan,

Firstly, I want to apologize for any insensitivity. I had no idea that the anniversary of the death of your lovely Big Dog was so near (today). Sometimes, I miss important details. I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine how you must feel. Everyone always says that they understand if they’ve suffered a similar loss but no one can really experience your pain or your loss. I’m so sorry. She looks so sweet, at ease and content. You were a blessing to each other. I know that she still does bless you.

You seem hopeful and sad as well, but certainly, that’s to be expected considering the circumstances: the remembrance of loss, the recent loss of Sebastian, the loss of a lover — but certainly, not the loss of love — and the financial issues that you’ve discussed. You ARE a good man and I know that you are blessed today, and that your tomorrow will be blessed because you live each day courageously and try to stay in the now, to the best of your ability. Like this poem: “Look To This Day, For Yesterday Is But A Dream, And Tomorrow Is Only A Vision, But Today, Well Lived, Makes Yesterday, a Dream Of Happiness, And Tomorrow, A Vision Of Hope, Look Well Therefore To Today.”

Blessings,

Amanda

I hope your 50th year ends up being the best one yet!

I am sorry for all you lost this year and I will keep you in my prayers.

I’m glad to hear Jennie is doing so well. She really touched my life in a profound way just from her writing her blog and even her tweets. She even made me want to write again and it’s really done a lot for me.

You can be sure people are blessed to know you. You have a great personality and its obvious your friends adore you.

I hope you have the best time in Paris and that you can forget about the things that trouble you while there.

All the best,
Lisa

Duncan she looks like a happy dog take comfort in the fact that she had a wonderful live with you. don’t beat yourself up about your wiet incident because that is just what it is an incident I have been sober for six months I have been stoned for ten years I had a incident to it will only make you stronger it reminds you that you don’t want this live

I live in Holland I can be stoned in a second I smell it on the streets there is an coffeeshop in every city I could be legally stoned for all of my live!!!

You are like a wife beater but with good intentions. Meaning you scold him with condamning words (you mean well), and then you feel bad and apologize because he feels he has to explain himself. Is just an observation, you sometimes can be harsh with your comments. I am sure that Duncan is not asking for our approval. I love his honesty, and you are not his therapist nor sponsor to tell him otherwise. Just saying…

Wow! A wife beater?! Not hardly. I expressed what I thought because I was concerned. I don’t condemn anyone, EVER. If you watched “Sex Rehab”, you know that one of Duncan’s breakthroughs was about seeing that he was recreating a pattern of abuse and not wanting to continue doing it. And when he seemed to nostalgically, look back on that and call it “LUSH”, I felt that I had to speak up.

As to the whole weed incident… he said that it WAS an accident and that it was a mistake. And that after discussing it with the people that count as far as his sobriety is concerned, that he is not resetting his sobriety date. I take him at his word.

As for me apologizing. I did forget that the next day after the day I wrote my response to Duncan’s post, that it was the anniversary of Luna’s death. It’s one thing to be honest and speak the truth as you see it, which Duncan encourages. It’s another to pour salt on someone, by chastising them, when they are so raw it’s like they don’t have skin. And where the Big Dog’s death is concerned, it’s a wound that is very deep. If I’d have been more aware, I would have waited to make my comments. I probably would have said the same thing, but not at that time. When you care — and we all do — sometimes, timing is everything. Mine was lousy.

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