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Gratitude..

Grateful for the little dog, grateful for my truck, grateful for money in the bank, food on the table, a safe house, a holiday to look forward to, my birthday and most of all I am grateful for a higher power that, when I bother to listen, never lets me down.

Dinner with Justin at a deserted Soho House.  He paid.

An old friend called and I was startled and flattered.   Spoke briefly with traveling companion who was feeling yesterday like I was the day before.   Had a long walk with Eric.  Most of all I was just enjoying being here, here being..in my own body, looking out of my own eyes..no interruption on the horizon.

Note from Stephen Fry about Sebastian.   Had a quick coffee with some lad who wanted advice about the film industry but I cannot help him.  I saw Kate Rigg at the 101 Diner.

When the panic comes I refuse to fight it.   I let it wash over me and then I look out of the window and check that I can still see the view, that it isn’t being mired with any unwanted thought.

I am going to overcome this fucking malaise by doing what we do..by taking action and not giving in.  Remind yourself: I didn’t get sober to be unhappy, feel less than or fear that life isn’t worth living.

Off to Ikea with Jenny.

4 replies on “Gratitude..”

I know what it’s like to have bad thoughts popping up in your head a lot, and I am so glad you’re overcoming yours. You’re right, the Higher Power won’t let you down in the end.
Hope you have a wonderful rest of your day!

Duncan,

Bravo! Thank you for starting your blog with a gratitude list. It’s a good reminder for all of us that in order to progress, you have to be grateful for what you have and accept where you are. I’m glad that you’re starting to see the good in your life.

You are a courageous man and I know that not even a panic attack will have you laid low for long. As someone who was suffering such anxiety that I, literally, used to quiver like a leaf at times or weep uncontrollably at the drop of a hat, I know how hard it is to just let the emotion flow through you and just be with it. And each new fear or pain just dredges up all the old ones, so it’s like an avalanche coming at you. But with each victory, you grow stronger and more certain that you can and WILL prevail. And once all the old stuff starts clearing out, any new anxiety can’t add to a deluge that threatens to drown you each time. It’s just some rain. A little bit of rain.

I’m so glad that Jenny A is in town and spending time with you. Just the tonic that you needed. Some tea, sympathy and a kick in the pants. 😉

Blessings,

Amanda

I am happy you are happy, It’s time, your time now. I wonder if the panic and anxiety was the bodies last attempt at purging itself.
It is so great to hear you so positive about life.

Duncan,

Right before reading your blog I was having my own panic attack, and reading you made me feel better. I am not the only one who has these scary thoughts of being alone, looking for a job but don’t know where to start. I will look at what i DO have, my health, my friends, a great home, great family even the sun outside.

Thank you and have fun at IKEA, it’s a week day, it should be fun!!!

Light,

Vanina

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