For those of us who live in this part of Hollywood the Security around the highly anticipated Oscar Award Ceremony can be a big pain in the ass, at least for the one day of the ceremony.
I live exactly two minutes walk from the Kodak Theatre in the very heart of Hollywood. Franklin Avenue, where I live, has been completely closed and all the cars that were inadvertently left after the 6am deadline have been towed. More money for the city of Los Angeles.
Swarms of security guards patrol the streets, armed police with vicious dogs hang out in ominous gaggles, guards check under cars with mirrors on sticks, concrete road blocks hamper normal journeys in and out of our neighborhood and for one day only we get to feel what they must feel in Baghdad every day.
I had a huge dream last night. Kay S, Amanda E, three other unknown women and I were descending a steep mountainside. Lil dog had transformed into a waist high dog/goat, his soft ears all leathery like a goat, his soft coat transformed into wiry fur. I knew that we were facing something treacherous at the bottom of the mountain and as with all of my bad dreams the light was eerie like during an eclipse. I woke up exhausted.
When I last saw my therapist she asked if I thought I might be depressed. I could tell immediately that I might get all sorts of expensive medical attention if I said yes. I gleefully imagined a warm hospital bed somewhere. My favorite.
I remembered the terrible car accident that my family were involved in when I was a small boy, remembering the moment that I was thrown off of my mother’s lap, out of the warm car and through the front passenger window and into the cold rain and the wet grass. I remember my aunts bleeding legs, I remember the ambulance, the hospital where I would stay for a very long time as my head repaired. I still have a huge scar that when I have very short hair everyone comments on.
When I write the word family I wonder whom I could possibly mean? Does that word apply to me?
I am sitting outside the supermarket Fresh and Easy waiting for the store to open. It is 8am, an endless stream of determined Academy Award production crew pass by me, their scripts in their back pockets. They are all dressed in black so they can vanish amongst the stars. They are the night.
I feel like I have been fast asleep. I wonder if it is worth waking up?
15 replies on “Oscar Day 2010-Academy Awards”
For such a young man you certainly have been through a lot haven’t you Duncan. I thought I had been through my share of trauma and I have but it doesn’t compare to what you’ve been through. But I often wondered how I still was standing. I guess we hope there’s always something better in the next moment of life. Yay us!
Duncan – your post this morning reminds me of the dark observations in Kenneth Anger’s Hollywood Babylon. The Oscars – glitzy-glam-red-carpet and underneath, something dark and unwholesome. While you’re at Fresh & Easy you might want to try the house-brand of white pomegranate tea – it’s lovely and may take the bad flavor of a Hollywood Oscar morning out of your mouth.
I was in a crazy car accident when I was 6 and when I have shorter hair people can see it, the scar isn’t from the accident but from the surgeries that had to happen after. I’m still having to deal with the aftermath of it and that was 15 years ago…its craziness.
I’ve been thinking about the same thing, about what it means when I write “Family” and who it applies to. I don’t have an answer yet…mabe someday.
Duncan- we are neighbors albeit up Outpost and to the left here.
Similar fate at 6 ( we are also of similar age, as well as sexual persuasion ) only the car door swung open at an intersection collision and I was left with the first truly dramatic decision of my young gay life.. seeing the asphalt and aware that all cars involved had come to a burnt rubber/ screeching stop.. if I gently rested my head on the concrete.. a better story to tell..
your comment is really reassuring-I didn’t think gay men read my blog. thanks!
… if it brought a smile to the tawdry Oscar excess..
You didn’t think gay men read your blog? WTF? I’ve made comments on what I read on your blog recently and we even briefly corresponded…and you knew I was gay! So I don’t understand how you can make such a clueless and insensitive statement, when you know a gay man has and is reading your blog. But I assure you, I won’t anymore. Good luck, Duncan.
I was kidding about gay men not reading my blog! I was smiling broadly when I wrote that ironic remark. Why are people so eager to jump to the wrong conclusion?
oh dear, settle down Jon, dont jump down Duncans throat over imagined slights! I dont take offence being a straight woman, its a eye opener for me reading of Duncans life and thoughts. I dont always agree with him, but it isss his blog. Lifes too short to be melodramatic and carry grudges, keep your heart and mind open ;).. so many other things to carry a torch for, such as in my city of Boulder, where a child is being expelled for her having gay parents at a catholic school.To me , thats something to get upset over.
I adore Duncans blog but sometimes one must ask Duncan if things are literal…..I have a question Duncan…..were you actually adopted( if you were this is a shock to me as this does not go along with some of your postings)or do you just feel as if you were “adopted” from the lack of closeness and the problems with your Mother. Please address the issue of adoption.
Joan, re: adoption. When I was born I was put up for adoption. 6 weeks later my mother went to the orphanage and told them she wanted to keep me. Upon marrying my step father I was legally adopted by my stepfather. Understand?
Thanks so much Duncan….that is REALLY terrible as the most important bond is in those first 6 weeks…actually from the very beginning…shocking.
I am not a man. I am not gay, but I do enjoy reading your blog 8)
Duncan, I just read your twitter comments of today and I am concerned. A couple of times you have talked about how nice a warm hospital bed would be–surrounded by nurses and doctors who are caring and nurturing I imagine. I hope you will spend the next while doing simple things to nurture yourself, and perhaps someone else as well. Do you have a friend who could use a bit of company, perhaps make some chicken soup together. Or if you prefer to be alone for awhile, look at the wonderful home you are creating for yourself (and for the planet), and do some little things that add to its comfort. You might think this sounds silly, but these are things that have gotten me through many “cloudy” days. Hug to you.