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Kristian Digby

My friend (briefly my lover) Kristian Digby died yesterday; apparently of auto asphyxiation.

Kristian was a sweet, thoughtful intelligent man.  Not intelligent enough, he would have scoffed, to think twice about pulling a bag over his head, a belt around his neck and deprive his wonderful brain of oxygen.

By inducing a lucid, semi-hallucinogenic state called hypoxia-combined with orgasm, the rush is said to be no less powerful than cocaine, and highly addictive.

Kristian and I met in 2001 at the International Cannes film festival waiting in line for the Soho House annual Cannes party-bonding over the sight of Andi McDowell being pushed and shouted at by her surly, over weight publicist.  After becoming immediate friends-later that night, very drunk and having gate crashed a very grand yacht party, Kristian told actor Ray Winstone that he had always fancied him and tried, much to my horror, to kiss him.  Like most of his antics it was very, very funny but realizing how inappropriate trying to kiss Ray was we ran like mad children into the night and had a very romantic time walking bare foot back to his hotel room along the deserted beach at dawn.

I introduced Kristian to one of his many and varied heroes, the glorious Marianne Faithful. We were at Will Self’s house.   He sat at her feet.  She spilt red wine on his white linen trousers.  Whilst she fussed over the stain he was delighted that Marianne Faithful had spilled red wine on him.  Delighted.

He did not have one bad bone in his gorgeous body.

Creative, funny, erudite.  He had so much further to travel.

Kristian loved the films and books of Dereck Jarman-his true hero.  We had great fun exploring the dead filmmakers garden at Dungerness.  We ate a very high tea (english expression not drug induced) at a local hotel over looking the bleak gray sea.

I was always in awe of Kristian and those of us who knew him very well knew that there was much to be in awe of.

During the time that we knew each other best (when I moved to LA permanently we saw each other less often) we explored ideas, cites and over coffee in Old Compton Street the state of our gay lives.

He was a regular visitor to my house in Whitstable.  Everyone that met him there loved Kristian-I have been overwhelmed by sad emails from friends he met from my old home town.

He was not without his dark side-a troubled childhood and un-accepting parents blighted his early years as a gay man.

Lastly, let us not forget how much enjoyment he gave to those who never knew him personally: his loyal TV audience.

Oh Kristian, you silly billy, what did you do that for?  I will really miss you.

23 replies on “Kristian Digby”

I knew someone who died in the same manner. What a shame it is. So sorry to hear about this, Duncan.

As young children we used to hyperventilate then have our friends hug us tightly around our chests from behind & then enjoy the euphoric feeling. I’m talking about 7 – 8 year old children. We had NO idea what we were doing nor did we know how dangerous it was. Scary.

I’m so sorry to hear about your friend, Duncan.

I, unfortunately, also know someone who died this way. He was only 16. It’s too bad that news of the death of David Carradine, didn’t wake up people enough to the reality that this is a deadly way to get a sexual rush. Of course people don’t always “think”.

it happens more often than most people want to know. when i was younger i dabbled in a less dangerous form, not involving bags or constriction of the throat. solo edge play is a REALLY bad idea.

i wondered what the cause was going to be. another lovely young man gone. so sad.

a sweet remembrance – thank you. my condolences to you and all who knew and loved him.

How sad this news is, such a loss. Clearly a much loved and cherished friend. Your words are beautiful.

Duncan, I wish to extend my heartfelt condolences on the untimely death of your friend. I pray for his soul to rest in peace and you to gain strength from this.

Hi Duncan

That is such a great story that makes me smile widely through this truly awful tragedy… I have been thinking of all the times he made me laugh out very loud and his crazy spontaneous timing…! He would effortlessly light up a room and willingly be a nut! Likewise I now live in Australia and only got to have many hysterical little exchanges on FB (apart from the brief occasional catch up when I was in the UK). We all do silly things at times and it is such a shame that accident happened. The silly bugger…! He will be dreadfully missed but will everlastingly remain in my heart and memories. Just thinking of him makes me smile. We can simply hold a glass up to having him in our lives. My deepest condolences Xx SJG

Duncan, Addiction claims another soul. How desensitized and sick a culture we have that beckons people to pleasure and/or relief to the point of suicide. In all of the research on the Roman Empire’s moral entropy, we find gluttony, drunkenness, lascivious behavior, human trafficking, bloodlust, torture for pleasure and victimization of children and the dispossessed. Nowhere is there to be found suicide for orgasm. Thus has human civilization further devolved.

That having been said, I am truly sorry for your loss. Such a death, rightly appreciated, is horrifying. My best, LR

Such a sad, sad waste of life. Kristian is the third person I have known to have died in similar circumstances, and as with the previous two I had no previous knowledge of the huge risks they were taking, or believe me, they would ALL have got SUCH a talking to!! We chatted online on and off, and as his tv persona showed he was an intelligent, thoughtful and attractive human being, with a witty and charming personality. I only hope that Kristian, as yet another highly publicised celebrity death in this manner will speak the voice of common sense to other risk takers, so that they learn that breath control games are all very well, but you do them WITH someone else to protect your safety. All these previous guys thought it wouldn’t happen to them either.
I am hugely sad at what this dreadful loss will put Kristian’s nearest and dearest through, and those left to pick up the pieces, but on a personal note, I feel dreadfully sad at the hole he will leave on our television screens.
I will close with a Kristian quote I recall from one of the “property abroad” programmes he hosted with Dominic. Dominic had made some lame joke about being in Sardinia for three days and not having seen a single sardine. Kristian came straight back, quick as a flash, with “Oh, yes, I can’t tell you the wasted evenings I’ve had in Cockfosters”
Rest in peace Kristian, you will be sorely missed.
Jx

Kristian was a brilliant man, that all of us got to know too little. His depth and passion as highlighted here by Duncan was often overlooked.

I just listened to his “Coming Out Stories” (iTunes/audible) the whole series is great but it was tough to listen to Kristian. He talked about how proud he was of who and what he was.

I wish you hadn’t done that Kristian, good men are needed here.

I’m so sorry Kristian, if only you could have seen what happiness you brought to people who didnt know you on a personal level. Possibly my favorite TV presenter of all time! I loved watching you all the way over here in Australia, and I am still saddened and shocked by our loss – your loss. I’m with you Duncan, I wish you hadn’t done that Kristian. Gone too soon my friend x With love x

Is it true his mother was hateful to him, he was as God made him, wish he had been my son.

I didn’t know Kristian but what I do know is I sobbed unctrolably when I watched the morning news befor work.
No details but a rough time for me over the last few years – so watching the mundane Tv in a morning was, when he was around a joy.
He made me smile he was warm funny and someone I would have been proud to have as a friend or a son.
Those small moments he made me smile I will treasure for ever. for the 30 minutes in each Tv programme he made me smile’ thats just worth more than I can ever say.

Shine on Always Kristian : )
Tracy x

Kristian was not a friend of mine and I might this delightful charming guy only once. He was filming A self build programme I presume we will never see in our area and the small crew and kristian stayed with us overnight at our boutique b&b. They arrived and he was so lovely complimenting my partner who was gardening at the time on her black grass,(laugh out loud!!!). They sat in our lounge drinking glasses of chablis and kristian was holding court getting all to guess which of the films from my ‘1001 movies to see before you die’ book he had opened to. He over slept and missed breakfast blaming us with a smile for our super comfortable beds and we sent him packing with a bacon buttie and a coffee. A week later we heard the news that he had gone on the news.
Bloody hell, silly boy. I found him real, charming and just lovely. If his parents really couldn’t except his sexuality they should be ashamed. Very intelligent, very charming and very funny . Be proud of your friend and your son.. You should be.

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