Waiting at JFK outside a Peet’s Coffee and Tea drinking a paper cup of inflated airport priced coffee. Peet’s charges a dollar extra to drink coffee at JFK than at any other location.
I am now up in the air on my Virgin America flight back to LA writing this. My back is sore from clambering around Cooper’s air mattress and there is a small child behind me deconstructing the tray table. Over and over again. When he is not slamming the tray table he is kicking the back of my seat. On no occasion has the accompanying parent corrected the child. I am in no mood to correct the parent.
Apart from my deliciously pro Octomum rant, the blog post that caused the most negative reaction from readers was my blog about civility-also inspired by airplane etiquette. The lack of civility between people simply interacting, in public life, or between countries.
Some examples stick in my caw: Paris Hilton’s ex bf pissing on a homeless person, the guy on the flight to New York shoving his seat forcefully back ward or the racist congressman Joe Wilson calling President Obama a liar in the White House.
There is little or no politeness/humility/vulnerability evident anywhere and that, as far as I am concerned, is the end of civilization. Nor, I am afraid, are any of those attributes neither considered virtues nor championed by the media.
Yet, arrogance and self-centeredness is sadly understandable. The culture of self-obsession encouraged by ‘therapy’ (I’m too selfish to have a relationship, I’m working on MY stuff). Languishing in self. We are all we ever think about.
Against a backdrop of unsanctioned wars, lying politicians, unchecked larceny committed by public servants entrusted with our hard earned money! On top of all THAT-we deal with the cheaters and the liars who emotionally asset strip within the context of personal relationships. Who wouldn’t just concentrate on their own stuff?
When I arrived here I warned myself that I risked losing everything and that indeed may very well happen. The entire system is based on taking as much as possible from any working mans pay cheque legitimately or illegitimately-preferably as quickly as possible.
Do please read Jeremy Rifkin‘s Empathic Civilzation for more about civility.
It still amuses me to hear people here tell me how much more tax we pay in the UK. That UK citizens are not free, that our healthcare stinks. Total lies! Comparatively Americans pay far more tax than the Brits yet get nothing useful in return. The only thing Americans really love spending huge amounts of money on is security. Hence the theft of billions of dollars in Iraq on bogus reconstruction projects and bribes to terrorists organizations supposedly keeping the peace. Their huge taxes, their government, their church and now the corporations enslave Americans. As I have said on numerous occasions slavery did not end in 1863, that was merely the year slavery was mandated for the rest of us. We are all enslaved.
Enslaved by debt, obesity, shame and fear.
Whenever I write about inequality I am accused of America bashing. Go back to Whitstable they squawk-if only I could get back to my darling home town-but for the meantime I am here and whilst here in the land of the free I can exercise my right to free speech. Is this what freedom means to you all? The freedom to steal from each other? To treat each other like shit? To allow some the right to marry and equal rights and not others? What kind of half-baked FREEDOM is this?
Is it wrong of me to want the very best for every man? To understand the frailties of men and make provision for them? To face up to the messes of my own making? Am I responsible to offer my hand when those around me are drowning or do I just think about myself?
We watch images of people desperately trying to feed themselves in Haiti or after Katrina and describe it as looting. Every day the government and the corporations loot from every one of us. This time they have gone too far, destroying the middle class, creating an unbridgeable gap between rich and poor.
My detractors fail to understand how much the British taxpayer gets in return for our supposedly huge tax payments. I can only speak on behalf of my family but during the past half century I have received excellent health care, three free years of university education as well as the BBC, public arts etc. The list goes on and on.
And, as much as I used to loath them-we even get a jolly good, year round entertainment called The Royal Family with all the prerequisite dramas of any good soap opera: Murder, marriage, duplicity, infidelity.. you can’t write this stuff.
I left behind, on the cold winter New York streets, a man that I love. Conflicted about us he may be but I believe in my heart that he will find a true path and follow it. If only he could let himself off the hook. I looked into his eyes and told him that I loved him. I kissed his mouth and eyes and remembered how hard it is to say I love you to another man. I remember the first time I loved another man-when I was just a boy. To another man? When two men say I love you how special and different that feels.
Man, manly, love.
Duncan Roy's Blog 
I enjoy the way you weave so many facets of what’s going on in your life and what you think about into your posts.
On civility, I agree with you as far as western culture goes, but I would question the size of your sampling (as we say in science). I’ve found the Vietnamese, just for one example, to be extraordinarily humble, welcoming and kind at any level of class or income. The same goes for many places in Africa and the Middle East. I guess that’s what Ghandi meant when the reporter asked what he thought about western civilization, and he answered, “Sounds like a good idea.”
The way you are able to watch “The Windsors” show as a dramedy is the same way yanks tune in for new episodes of “The Congress”.
(I posted about making friends with death, and about taming a haunted cat lately.)
Love is good. Air travel is bad, nowdays. We, the people, HAVE been robbed. The UK looks better and better, but they’d never take me. I’m a proud American, really, but things seem to be way crazy. Pet peeve-“Missionaries” trying to take Haitian “orphans”, then complaining that “Mr. Obama” isn’t helping enough. Errr, that’s “President Obama” to you and me, folks.
Rampant “quotation marks” abuse sucks too.
Hoping your arrival in CA feels like “home”.
G-d i love reading your blogs Duncan! I find myself thinking about your words later on every day.. such as the small minute or breath it takes to have manners and be civil.. even kind to strangers. I like to think ive raised my children with such kindness, and often times they prove me right..other times not so much. When people are accused of being anti government, your often labeled, when all your actually reaching for is a decent life for you and your family.Thanks again for another great read, and cheers to you on finding the love you so richly deserve And btw i dont think your anti – american at all, anti asshole perhaps! 🙂
A lot can be resolved with individuals accepting responsiblity, taking the blame. That is where we are losing the battle with civility.
It amazes me that that post got a negative reaction. I thought it was excellent.
Truth is, we treat each other like shit every day & we don’t even want to admit it.
I understand how you feel about how it seems as though no one takes another person’s feelings into consideration before they do things. I find myself constantly analysing a situation before I do anything because I don’t want to hurt anyone with my actions or words. My friends claim to be aware of these things but their actions always contradict their words. I don’t understand it. I feel as though people wouldn’t take advantage of me if I was harsher and selfish, but that’s just not in my nature.
i only wish more Americans understood what they have here. you aren’t America bashing at all, you love this country and are horrified at what you can see as someone with some objectivity and the experience of living elsewhere in other lives as you mourn for us. please don’t return to whitstable. well not without me. i don’t want to leave America, i just want to leave everything. i am weary of the angst. i am weary of the lack of civility as well. i am weary of the constant ache as the old wounds continue to heal, drain, open, fill again, and new wounds appear. i wish i really knew you. i lost my best friend last night, and my heart is so broken i don’t know quite how to breath without putting on a mask and pretending. i used to be quite good at that, but i am weary.
Could be worse. Natalie + 14 could have been on that plane 🙂
Completely agree with the piece on UK tax and health care, why do you think the US is so afraid of the health care proposal, every other civilised country has health care, heck, in Germany their health system even sends you for R+R for free!Iknow this because I lived and worked there. That’s right, a vacation for the weary and exhausted for 2 weeks to recouperate.
I love living here, have really done well, and I have employed people and paid more than my share of taxes. I used to think UK tax was higher but now I appreciate what we got for our 33% I don’t miss VAT (VALUE ADDED TAX) 17.5% on everything you sell and buy. I think that will be introduced eventually.
I finally figured out what the phrase “off the hook” means. Ever noticed how ambiguous it is? What do you think?
Enslaved by debt, obesity, shame and fear – yes, Duncan, I agree, that statement does sum up most Americans. I love the United States, but it is no longer the place where I grew up. While there are still so many wonderful aspects to the U.S., there is so much that is wrong, it’s hard to fathom how it will ever be right again.
The reason so many American’s are against Universal Healthcare is not because we don’t want to take care of our neighbor, but it’s because we don’t want our government to run the healthcare system. A good number conservatives, liberals, republicans and democrats recognize that healthcare is HUGE problem in this country. The question is: how do we bring to fruition effective reform? It scares the heck out of me to think that the same government that has pissed away my Social Security money, bankrupted the Medicare system and botched the cash for clunkers deal will somehow, miraculously, run the healthcare system correctly.
On a lighter note: I’m excited to read that you are taking life by storm. Declaring your love; Getting off the Grid; and lightening your load and moving towards financial freedom. Good on ya!
We all know that if you repeat a lie enough, it becomes accepted as truth, and the Dems are so poor at articulating their position on taxes and healthcare that they have conceded these arguments to the GOP.
The myths and lies around taxes and healthcare are astounding:
Myth #1:
In contrast to the U.S., the rest of the world pays onerous taxes.
Truth:
Americans are taxed as much and often more than citizens of other countries.
U.S.: Federal tax = 0 – 35%; State = 0 – 10.3%; Payroll 15.3%
These rates put us in line with most countries, and even higher than many. In fact, quite ironically, Cubans pay a similar percentage of their income in taxes!
But yes, there are countries such as the Netherlands, Denmark, Sweden, etc., that do in fact, pay much more, but most of the people that live in these countries seem to perceive they receive value for their tax dollars. They are certainly under much less stress than most Americans. According to a study, the happiest people in the world are found in Denmark, the most taxed country on earth.
Myth #2: Universal Healthcare = Gov’t takeover of the healthcare system
Truth: Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! Universal healthcare simply means all citizens have access to healthcare, irrespective of whether coverage is provided vis-a-vis private or a public “option”.
Every industrialized country except the U.S. guarantees universal access to healthcare, but every country does it differently. The UK system is basically socialized, but I’ve used it, and found it to be excellent. In contrast, the Swiss system is mainly private, but again–like Britain–all citizens are guaranteed access. (Note: The Swiss had a system very similar to the U.S. until the early 1990s)
Myth #3: The U.S. has the best healthcare system in the world.
Truth: The U.S. does have some of the best medical schools in the world and some of the best doctors & facilities in the world, IF you can afford it. However, millions of Americans can’t afford it, or they can’t get coverage because they have a pre-existing condition. There’s no reason the U.S. cannot preserve excellent medical schools and doctors, whilst assuring all Americans have access to adequate coverage.
Unexpected medical costs are the #1 cause of bankruptcy in the U.S. This is unheard of in other countries. The U.S. also has one of the highest infant mortality rates of industrialized nations. And, we pay more as a portion of GDP (15-16%) than any other country, yet we receive less value for this money than most countries.
Sadly, as long as these myths continue, it looks like once again, we will find no pragmatic solution to the healthcare issue.
Totally loved this post. You are right on about everything!
Duncan, must you continue with all this detractor bashing???
j/k:)
I agree with almost every idea expressed here. The only sentence I might possibly take issue with is the one declaring that the only thing Americans really want to spend huge amounts of money on is security. Clearly Americans also want to spend huge amounts of money on bad Hollywood movies, fatty foods, fad diets, spectator sports, enormous gas-guzzling cars, televangelism, Nascar and pornography.
It seems to me there are some misconceptions floating aound regarding the way Americans really feel about universal healthcare/socialized medicine. Even though there is a sizeable (and very vocal) group of people in this country who oppose universal coverage simply because they fear the whole idea of “socialism,” most Americans now actually LIKE the idea of universal healthcare being instituted here. Their approval is somewhat conditional though. http://abcnews.go.com/sections/living/US/healthcare031020_poll.html
We already spend a relatively large percentage of our budget on healthcare these days, yet the prices continue to skyrocket, nothing ever seems to get better and politicians in Washington continually prove themselves corrupt, amoral and generally inept. So I can certainly understand people’s wariness about the ide of creating yet another huge, expensive government agency….and one to which their health will be entrusted. It has to be done IMO, but it’s worrying to a lot of people, understandably. I really think if Americans had a little more trust in their government’s ability to actually do any job correctly or efficiently, there would be very little debate about this.
The other day I got the bill for a recent three day stay ay a local hospital. A real bargain…just shy of a hundred grand! I kept thinking, “What would I have done about this if didn’t have the excellent health coverage I’m fortunate enough to take for granted?”