New York bound. Virgin America. Everybody very polite. The Rasta gentleman that I was originally sat next to smelt of cocaine. The last time I smelt anything so repulsive was on Mike Elling’s breath at Jake and Rudi’s gayfest in Palm Springs.
Feeling very grumpy. Wondering what the heck I am doing travelling East. None of the reasons I thought were spectacular last week are spectacular any more. Nobody is picking me up from the airport even though I ferry people back and forth from LAX. They’ll be no more ferrying. I thought I was seeing my friend on Sunday but he has reneged until Monday. Oh Bollocks. As we say in England. Bloody Bollocks.
The rain that fell over LA last night was truly torrential. We woke up to mudslides, smashed cars, and trashcans hurtling like torpedoes in two feet of storm water. It was rather exciting. I quite like a big storm to take my mind off the internal storm that rages within. None of the people I am visiting this weekend are entirely appropriate for me to be visiting. I have huge, overblown expectations and, as I described in my last post, I become closed down and broken the moment I experience any of the heady ‘love’ emotions.
I may very well just go to 12 step meetings with my friend Alexi and fuck the rest.
The most rewarding aspect to this lightening visit to NYC is the price of the plane ticket $98. Very good value considering a taxi from JFK to Manhattan will be $45. I may very well spite myself and take the sky train into NYC thereby risking a million questions from random civilians about Kari-Ann et al. Actually, that’s not fair. I get asked about Drew. What’s he like etc. I think they are rather disappointed to hear that he just a really sweet, empathetic guy.
With the great snowstorm comes the economic shit storm. The markets are tanking. Nobody is telling the truth. Everybody looking to the ‘stock markets’ to see how a few miserable gamblers are reacting to world events. It’s like hanging around the slot machines in Vegas trying to divine economic policy. This country has been raped by a few cruelly greedy men who refuse the sanctioning of infra structure investment, who refuse to answer questions about who exactly has benefitted from all the money spent fighting dubious ‘wars’ in Afghanistan, Iraq and Pakistan. Who go on threatening the taxpayer with the threat of further bailouts? Good God, what has happened to this great country? Even the government, with a visionary like Obama at the helm, needs a fucking hip replacement to take one step forward.
Apart from their irrational hatred of Obama and their homophobia I have a great deal of sympathy with the Tea Partiers. Even though they are morbidly inarticulate in most instances they perfectly describe my frustration with government. Even though they refuse to use these words, they know that their money has been misappropriated. Stolen. They want to know where the money went, why it went there and when the American taxpayer is going to get it back.
At the same time those weirdo tea party people are terrified of healthcare for all, which just totally baffles me.
3 more hours on this bumpy plane heading over the great white planes of Middle America.
Duncan Roy's Blog 
Word. Duncan – you are the son I never had. Glad to see you parse out the illusion from the reality. How many fruitless derobades (to use the French term) have I also run down? Finally, weary, it is about giving myself permission to open fully to simple enjoyments and to stop chasing people and things that are, ultimately, bad for me. Some of us have an old reflex to chase fantasies even after sobriety. Had to remind myself of that today. Scholarly conference. Very attractive individual with all the wrong demographic (married, straight etc.). Wanted to drift off into fantasy, listen to a Cristian Castro ballad on the way home and indulge my limerance/lust for this intriguing person. No, No and No. My secret escape – the trap door to freedom – Gratitude. Service. Gratitude. And appreciation of having a home and a meal. LeslieLA
PS: Enticing thoughts are still straying in, but I have come to recognize them for what they are, at least in my Roman Catholic tradition – “temptation”. The appropriate response remains “No”.
Hello Sir,
I too agree with a lot of what the Tea-party people are trying to say. I am not however homophobic or Obama-phobic. I do wonder about misappropriated bailout funds and why as a veteran and current military spouse do my brothers in arms have to worry about being electrocuted by a shower in Iraq or Afghanistan due to the cheapest bidders using substandard crews and equipment to build the things.
As to why I am scared of the government health care plan is that I have it now and had it before in the service. The only thing worse than active duty health care is Veteran’s and Military Dependent health care and I say that having had Medicaid as a civilian for the birth of my son. All of which are before Congress at this moment facing more cuts to benefits. I really hope, wish, and pray that we fix the programs we have before we expand it to a larger audience. I fear the problems will grow exponentially with the number of people involved.
P.S. I can’t wait for the gay to be allowed to openly serve along my husband’s side and my own when I go back in. I know I served with some in the past and so did everyone in my company who politely did not say it as that was against the rules to accidentally accuse or out people. It was hidden in, “so he or she is Uhm…” replied with “yup” followed by “Oh” and that was that. Maybe a joke of, “If the medic is, you know, I hope they think I’m cute and treat me first.” Half sarcastic, half brutally honest.
Take care
Ignorance is Strength, as Orwell put it. The Tea Partiers are unwilling to acknowledge that the money was spent (and is still being spent) on wars of empire waged for profit first by a government of oil men they voluntarily voted in, twice, and now continued as a matter of status quo. They aren’t getting the money back, and they have no one to blame but themselves. In addition it is their own unfounded fear and simple, ordinary greed that prevents them from supporting universal single-payer tax-subsidized health care. It WORKS in other countries, and they refuse to investigate or accept that fact. So what if it’s expensive! Health care is money better spent than on wars and bailouts. I also can’t respect the judgment of a “movement” that would pay to have a functionally illiterate demagogue like Sarah Palin speak before them, as if she were qualified for leadership.
Sorry, I’m a bit wound up. Two cups of coffee. As usual, it’s invigorating to read your posts. Bad weather is a good metaphor for your subject.
(I posted about home upgrade hell, and about the spectre of Joni Mitchell lately.)
Find a meeting, and take care of yourself.
fuck the wars bush and his “friends” sucked us into. this will be my twenty third year of teaching school, and i have made less take home pay every year for the past five or six years. i’m pretty angry in general with the misappropriation of funds in this country and how the rich seem to keep getting richer and the poor keep getting poorer and the middle class, me, are treading water to save their lives. you posts always make way too much sense! and i’m sorry new york isn’t what you had hoped. are things ever? feeling a bit blue today.