There is a storm brewing over Los Angeles and it seems also to be brewing in my heart.

I really need to connect with my 12-step brethren.   I am experiencing a disconnect.   My head is thumping and I know that this isn’t brain cancer just anxiety.

I know what to do-all I need to do is get on my knees and pray but I am scared of using up my only option.

I have a million things to do tomorrow.  Cooper arrives from NYC so maybe we can do those things together.

I have to take action rather than let life wash over me.  Yet, I feel tired-exhausted.  Keeping optimistic in profoundly pessimistic times is exhausting.

I think that you can tell, dear readers, that I am under the weather.

So, this week I have goat shelter, garden plan and solar decisions to make.   I have to prepare the house for rental and get the sofas that need repairing out of the house.  I have to call the bank and respond to various requests that have been left unanswered.

I think that the idea of a relationship weighs heavy on my soul.  I can’t go though any sort of misery again.  I want joy in my life and to share the projects I have with another interested party.

Haiti is a ghastly mess.  The images and news reports from the Caribbean are harrowing and add to my sense of helplessness.  It reminds me daily that a large earthquake in LA could cause the same sort of terrible catastrophe.  I have made several charitable donations and am shocked that Rush Limbaugh has urged his listeners not to give to any charities suggested by Obama.  What kind of racist monster is he?   Where is the compassion?