Amanda in Malibu
Miserable day in LA. Misty British rain rather than the fat tropical raindrops we usually have.
After breakfast with John and the lads I drove to Malibu and built a HUGE fire. It was raining so hard I had no view what so ever. A huge cloud had gobbled the entire house. Luna went on a garden adventure in the rain and came home covered in mud. I had to turn a hose on her, which caused her some consternation, then, being the Luna dog, she began to LOVE.
Now, when it rains, rather than looking downcast, worrying about how many weeds I’ll have to clear in the spring so my house doesn’t instantaneously combust when the fires come-my eyes sparkle. The property is now one big goat buffet. I cannot wait for them to arrive!
One of my readers suggested that I contact a goat rescue if one indeed exists. And, blow me down; one really does exist in California. I’ll call them tomorrow.
The general contractor arrived to discuss the changes I need to make to the roof to accommodate the solar cells required for me to get off the grid. I also discussed how we would pump the spring water that bubbles up at the bottom of the property into where the vegetable garden will be.
Anna as Garbo
Last night Anna invited me to a party at her and Mel’s house in East LA. I was the only man. It was such a groovy party. We wrote down on pages of Anna’s old script what we wanted to forget about last year and what we wanted for 2010. I wanted to forget rather a lot. My aims for this year are simple and sure. I stayed a couple of hours, chatted with Jamie Babbitt and some girl who is going to be in the reality version of the L word.
Since writing yesterday how much I had forsaken during the past three decades in pusuit of hedonism I began today to formally grieve. In pursuit of selfish ends I have destroyed a potentially wonderful career, the chance of a lasting intimate relationship and an enduring happiness.
This is no time for self-pity, however.
Misty View December 2009
My father died when he was only 53 and I like to remember that on his deathbed he would turn, at last, to God.
I’m so glad that I have a God in my life who I trust will show me the way, regardless of whether the route is treacherous or not. To put ones life in God’s hands is not for the fainthearted.
Tim and Amanda drove from Beverly Hills to sit by the fire with me then we hacked back down the mountain and ate lunch at a raggedy hole-in-the-wall Thai restaurant on the Pacific Coast Highway. It was perfectly delicious.
As we were leaving we complimented the chef who was also lunching but on a plate of boiled hen heads.
Duncan Roy's Blog 
It is never too late.
You will adore the goats. I had one in my backyard in Hilo, Hawaii & she was pure sweetness. She played like a dog & loved to butt heads with me. And another plus was my yard stayed nice & neat year round.
HAAAA @ goat buffet. And wonderful that you can rescue some! Id hate to believe that youve destroyed any chance of happiness, career or a relationship..its just coming for you at a different time in your life when perhaps youll appreciate it more and understand it. Because if theres no hope for you, then theres no hope for me , and just like you, never say never or give up. You seem to be moving along in the best direction for yourself, heres to a new year with promise!
Duncan – Do you realize that what you are doing up there in Malibu with rescued goats, a vegetable garden, solar energy and daily contemplation attains to the monastic ideal? Bear with me. As a former hedonist with 14 years, by the Grace of God, of sexual sobriety, I have come increasingly to understand the peace and purity of the monastery and to re-create it in my life insofar as possible. The peace and legitimate satisfaction that accompany it so far outweigh the cheap thrills that carried such a crushing burden of shame. In their times, “normal” folk considered people like (former hedonist) Francis of Assisi to be insane when he embraced nature, simplicity, chastity and submission to the Will of God. There are hundreds, thousands like him across many religious traditions. I always liked that in poor Buddhist countries like Laos and Cambodia, everyone, single, married, gay, straight, male, female is expected to spend some time as a monk or nun. Some of us could never sustain that for a lifetime, but what a lovely experience! Best wishes for the New Year!
There is nothing that is destroyed that cannot be rebuilt in a way that you now choose with a clear mind and heart. Be patient and kind to yourself first and all will be revealed.
It’s funny but I’ve been thinking about that very thing. My husband’s father is dying and I can only think of God keeping him safe. He’s a lapsed Catholic and the Priest came to pray with him. Faith seems to be, at the end, a wonderful friend.
Meanwhile, on goats and chickens, the pounds in LA, especially West Valley, do have goats and chickens. We got our chickens there. Rather fun, too, adopting scrappy chickens and seeing them grow into happy, healthy, fat hens.
Happy New Year dear Duncan.
Love,
Miss W
Best of luck in your goatly ventures! In my days as a hoeserider, exercising a friend’s horses, I became sure that I’m unsure whether goats are brilliant or complete morons! If we couldn’t catch them before we went on a hack, they would follow us right into town! Imagine! 2 fat horses, 2 fat goats, and 2 girls. We would get some stares. They couldn’t bear being without their horse companions. If we were able to catch them in the barn, they would scream bloody murder and we could hear them in the barn for miles. Don’t get just one, they love their buddies!
I notice that you never came out and said it, but I hope you don’t think of your past with regret. One thing I learned some time ago is that our past only gets us to our present. You have the insight to know that your former lifestyle wasn’t healthy for you, and now you can live as you feel is right for you. What happened before got you to where you are now, and it all sounds rather exciting. Imagine if you weren’t able to have that insight now. You’d be just where you were. Your life seems pretty amazing now. We all look forward to reading your posts, and feel your successes. That’s an incredible gift!
I love your swanky pad.
I started reading your blog a few weeks ago and I just wanted to say I enjoy reading what you write and how you write it. I am interested in reading about your attempts to live off the grid. And yes, I agree about the banks. I had pet goats when I was a kid living in the country. And chickens. Some chickens are quite nice. We had little hens that laid blue and green eggs. But roosters can be quite aggressive. You’ll have fewer bugs on the property though (I’m not sure how they do on the tick population but they eat a lot of bugs). I wish I still lived in the country. I’d love to have chickens but I can’t do it here.