When I gave up taking cocaine and drinking I remember that friends would call at 3 in the morning on my house phone. I’d say, “Why the hell are you calling so late?” They’d mumble back that they were ‘drunk’. At 9 the following morning I would return their call. They’d say, “What the hell you calling so early?” I’d reply, “I’m sober.”
These people were my ‘lower companions’ and my house was always full of them. They were a tough crowd to convince that I was going to stay sober. Slowly but surely they all vanished, off to different parties or on some occasions dying alone in their rooms, needles in their arms. Lower companions are neither your social or intellectual or financial equals. They are people you only indulge within the context of your addiction.
The halcyon days of early sobriety. Clean sheets and brushed teeth. I got sober October 1st 1996. How I loved that first autumn and winter of my sobriety in London. Flying around town in that cute little green Porsche those other men said I drove like a handbag, living in that glorious house in Kensington and wearing wonderful clothes. Within two years that would all be gone. Those were the tough lessons of early sobriety.
Lesson one: Whatever I have right now is ENOUGH and enough is all I need.
My last but one blog before I pack up my twitter bag and change my blog direction.
Sex Rehab finale airs on Sunday and not a day too soon. Oh you ungrateful gay! How can you be so ungrateful? Nobody knew who you were before Sex Rehab! Now people know who you are. The stinking wind of semi-fame, fame for no good reason, fame for fame’s sake blows over me at night and wakes me gasping for air. Duncan the obscure. Could you have sunk much lower than reality TV!
Oh yes I could. I have. Much lower-but on who’s scale? People seem to think that those of my ‘co-stars’ who made pornography are pretty low on the unfathomable scale. Nah, they are just performers, wandering minstrels who offer vagina rather than lute. Their acting skills have kept me calm when the demons are upon me.
According to some, when one agrees to appear in reality TV, one surrenders any claim one might have had to integrity or dignity. Is that true? Even an obvious aesthete like me? I am a fucking dilatant! I am on life’s grand tour sampling what culture a country has to offer and this is America’s cultural phenomenon. Reality TV! How could I NOT have been a part of it? I commissioned a great portrait of myself by the artist VH1.
Back to today’s theme: Lower Companions.
I tried yesterday and the day before to reach out to Jennie but she ignored my calls and emails. I wanted to avoid the scorched earth policy I usually enact in these situations. I did not/do not want to lose my temper; I did not want to disguise my pain with anger. I did not want to hurt myself. So, I wrote a blog.
Yesterday’s blog caused my usual commentators some consternation. ‘I will never read another word you ever write!’ One woman scrawled. ‘Poor Jennie! Poor Eric.’ They bawled. Let me tell you something blog readers/commentators. I enjoyed deleting those pathetic comments.
That’s how far I sank. Hankering to be let into the Jenny and Eric club? Are you fucking kidding? Their shrill laughter and bad skin. Over lit kitchens and badly cooked food. That’s how far I sank. Swimming in the sewer with Jenny and Eric. Come on pornsters-bring it on!
I turned and said to Anthony Rendlesham, “Get behind me, Henry Higgins! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of men.”
So that was the state of my scrambled mind yesterday. That and dog issues to deal with and lawyers late at night and the reckoning-which is Polish for cheque please!
Can you remember a time when all your closest friend began to die all at once?
I had breakfast with John and whilst we were eating Benoit emailed me and I was flush with pride. Then, in the afternoon, after a long walk on Runyon with Isaiah who wore tight brown boots and a pompadour Joe stopped by. Beautiful, sweet adorable, bright-eyed Joe.
Joe asks me the most exacting questions. He was asking me what I was like when I was his age. I told him that by the age of 24 I had become a nihilist. That in 1984 we were four years into an AIDS epidemic that would go on to kill millions and millions of people but at that time just seemed to be killing my friends.
Nihilism is sometimes used to explain the general mood of despair at the perceived pointlessness of existence that one may develop upon realizing there are no necessary norms, rules, or laws.
I realized what had happened when I first met Joe and his gang of friendly friends. The revulsion I felt. These beautiful young men gathered around me talking and having fun and I felt nauseous. I called my therapist Jill and she said, “How old did you feel?” And I said, “Not like I was a child..more like in my early twenties.” And I saw that I had never ever talked about being left behind by my tribe who had all died and I had not. That there were so many funerals and tearful farewells with boys just like Joe. With friends who one felt abandoned by-even though they had died and I had not!
One day you faint when the gardener cuts his finger the next you’re wrapping the dead, emaciated body of a young man in a turning cloth because nobody else will do it.
Do you remember Danny and Evan? Do you remember how much they loved each other? How they couldn’t bear to be apart? How kind Evan was and how beautiful it was to hear Danny tell Even how much he loved him. Evan looked just like Joe and was just as full of hope. They both lay screaming in separate hospital beds surrounded by nurses dressed in body suits. Danny was screaming because he didn’t want to die. He was too young. ‘I’m too young.’
I asked Joe to imagine a world where he watched all his young friends die of AIDS. Every beautiful man he knew and loved dying in the most harrowing, ugly way. Regardless of income. Plagued by shame.
I don’t want to hear ONE criticism of me or my life. I lived through a fucking plague that killed all my friends and I survived! I survived. Survive to be excluded by people like Jenny and Eric? Fuck that.
And I never talk about it because I can’t. It’s not my tragedy-it’s ours.
Black people write to me and tell me that I will never know what it is like to be black. We all hold onto to our own experience and in moments of peril hold it out in front of us like a shield. And I whisper to myself that the blows may stop falling if I say: I am a black man, a gay man, a woman, an abused child, that I saw my friends, a generation of fine young men die of the most disgusting disease.
Powerful, Duncan.
I have an invitation to a x-mas party tonight and the theme will be all about alcohol and drugs. These are dear friends who are my lower companions. I am torn between putting myself in a position where I KNOW I will end up using. Why? I want to see my friends. There is voice and feeling within me that will probably won’t go. I don’t want to get messed up, I really don’t.
Thank you for this blog Duncan. You have helped me make a sound decision. : )
Much love,
Jennifer
I am not as articulate as many are on your comments section, but know this Duncan, your touching lives and opening eyes of people like me who might have never had the thoughts and ideas to explore if you had not put them here. To read you some times, brings me to tears..and thats what its all about. If anything vh1 brought you to us.And i appreciate you much more than lady gaga! 😉
The saving grace is that you are an artist, Duncan, not a dilettante. You will endure a Jacobean wrestling match with an unbeatable angel, dislocate your hip and still end up making art out of it.
It is indeed terrible to have to endure the costs of plagues. When you are as sensitive as you or I, it is excruciating. For me it’s been wars. Coming from a poor, rural state, most of my friends could not go to college. That meant they all went to Vietnam, drafted or joined. Although some did not come back in coffins, they were still the walking dead. Shattered, addicted, homeless, and for what? I still feel angry any time someone who didn’t live through that tells me it wasn’t in vain. John Kerry was right, but the “just war” lie dies hard.
Some went to Vietnam still buoyed by the myth of the “just war”, the one to stop Hitler. My father was in the South Pacific for that one, and unlike me he watched all his friends die in close proximity. He came back addicted to alcohol and rage, and beat the crap out of his wife and children until lung cancer killed him (saving us). Thanks, “greatest generation”. Like in the film “Life is Beautiful”, I was good enough at hiding to win the tank. Boy, did I cry seeing that one!
It took decades, but I’ve learned to forgive, to get to the hurt beneath the anger I will always be living with. Plagues, wars, ignorance and want. It’s the artists like Dickens and Twain and Shakespeare and Bergman and Kurosawa that saved me. I couldn’t afford therapy, but the same accident of birth that made me sensitive and intelligent gave me the capacity to discern truth in art.
As long as you keep making art out of whatever you are going through Duncan, you’ll be remaking and saving yourself, and those like me who feel it.
Amen!!!
I love how real you are. I love how you say what you want, not caring if you offend anyone. Chase after those who want your company, surround yourself with people that lift you up and don’t look back on the past. Keep on pressing forward. You’re an amazing person and I appreciate everything you have to share with me.
I will miss your honesty in your blogs. I love that you say what you think and how you feel. I hope that your life continues to grow into exactly what you want it to be and you are healthy in all you do. Good Luck in everything, work, love, health, and friendships.
Fantastic, direct writing with a sense of urgency. This is my favorite type of writing. I understand your decision to do reality TV. It is a trivial medium with no lasting or even important impact on society. One show airs and ends, only to be replaced with another show just like it.
Im glad you found me.
duncan, I am 24 yr sober, I survived 2 wars and I love you, I often am disappointed in the lack of real compassion in the sober population but that is also a symptom of narcissism, if someone is condescending to me or to you we need not take it personally, they just have their heads up their asses
Duncan – Survivor guilt is real and death, especially when it seizes the young full of potential, is a deeply ugly evil. The suffering of your friends who passed from AIDS is over, but you remain, carrying the suffering forward as its witness. This is meaningful. The Higher Power who is all-seeing, honors and shares your pain. I wish I had something magical to tell you about the nature of suffering but I don’t. Alcohol, drugs, porn, gambling, shopping are what the world offers to relieve pain, but it’s a damned lie. The only way out is through. Just know that you are not alone and what you feel matters.
Too many endings at one time bring up too many endings at another time brings up questions of purpose. Don’t forget yours. Little Dog needs to be fed and watered and played with so he can fulfill his purpose.
duncan…
i got sober 26 years ago, 9/20/83. i was very lucky early on, in the first couple years to be exposed to a number of 12 step programs, any number of which applied. the AA/ALANON combination, emphasis on ACOA issues was the most efficacious. an abortive experience with SLAA proved far too unregulated for the problem’s nature. that’s a bridge i would rather cross with a therapist, even one not a sex addict.
after having been a slut in the last years of my drinking (and brokeback marriage) in sobriety, i decided that sexual expression was something i wished to reserve for significant others, and have lived by that credo all these years. i never became asexual, nor entirely celibate, just didn’t sleep around. i never did find that S.O, BUT i did find my integrity and my self esteem. i have only recently reclaimed my right to shared orgasm as a form of bonding with like others, and i seem to be managing this is a sane sober manner.
watching the bits of the show i could catch on basic cable, i was able to filter out the pablum and see once again, especially in your genuine breakthrough, the miracle of recovery. i just wanted you to know there were some genuinely sober people who heard you after reading your BEAST column.
happy trudging,
jack
Thank you Duncan for your powerful blogs. I will miss them.
Don’t stop writing Duncan. Watching the t.v. show we could never, ever get to know you. Your writing is brilliant. You are navigating life, bravely with your own personal truth – ugly and empowering. You ARE reclaiming your light and there needs to be more of your truth regurgitating from your soul to the keyboard. Thank you.
Your blog is way better than Jennie’s, so chin up.
Your show is a lot different than say “For the Love of Ray J.” Your show has more meaning and everyone knows it, so don’t worry about “sinking” to any level. Plus anyone that has half a brain knows there is much more to all of you than what is actually aired. Next time you get a comment you don’t like, just remember: they’re just silly internet people who don’t matter. Just because they say it, doesn’t make it true.
Hm. Or even the ones you do like I guess. At any rate- just read them like “Hm. It’s interesting that person thinks that way. How nice for them.” Ok I’m gonna stop babbling 🙂
Duncan-
Please, whatever you do, don’t stop what you are doing. You are an inspiration to so many people out here. In situations like this, it’s often the ‘haters’ who you hear from the loudest. You have many people who are behind you and are rooting for your success. To me, the biggest problem I see, is you took this ‘reality’ TV show serious. It actually helped YOU instead of the machine spinning what they needed for ratings. For you expense, possibly. But know that out from the ashes you have many dedicated followers who are behind you and don’t want you to stop anything you are doing. From the very beginning I ‘latched’ on to you, Kendra and Phil. I thought out of all of the people, you all were serious in getting to the root of the issues. I am so glad to see the progress continuing.
Just remember, on so many of these boards it’s the people who want the attention and those who want to stir the pot who speak the loudest and once they know they are getting under they skin, they will continue.
BTW, I will love for you to watch my 20 month grandson (I’m a young 44 yo Grammy!)any day of the week.
Also, I am a huge animal person. It breaks my heart to hear the sadness you have about Big Dog. I’ll put our Abigail (1 1/2 yo Lab) before most people. Maybe that’s my link to you and Kendra.
Keep up the good work. I’m in your corner through thick and thin.
My husband and I were discussing it and we perceived you as kind person, often peacemaker on the show. Multidemsional, interesting. I hope to continue to read your blog or have an occasional correspondance because the reason I am a “fan” of yours is not because like me, you deal with addiction, but precisely because of the kind of person you are. I have never been a celebrity seeker, I have some celebrity friends on FB for instance but not because of their celebrity, but because something about them has resonated with me.
I definitely identify with the frustration that comes with dealing with ‘lower companions’ – especially when they hurt & disappoint us. But I would gently offer that all human beings are expressions of the divine, no matter how low we may sink. I think we only further our own self-loathing when we regard others as ‘lower.’ Reading your blog for the first time today, I’m in awe of how many lifetimes you’ve lived, how many experiences you’ve had… And it sounds like you’ve paid a painful price for many of them. May you retain your compassion, courage & voracious pursuit of life – while continuing to do the difficult work of healing.
The best of everything to you, Duncan.
Sincerely,
Mary
Duncan, please don’t ever stop writing. Remember most people who post on blogs and message boards are those who are the ‘haters’ and want the attention. It’s sad, but the internet has bred so many people who say things that otherwise would not be said to the person if they knew them or met them on the street. Most times it’s just to get a reaction.
From the start of the show, I took the most interest in you, Kendra and Phil. I felt that you three were actually there to work you yourselves, not just for a show. I think you all just got caught in the machine of ratings be the Machine.
You have so many people out here rooting for you and feel some sort of connection. My husband is a sex addict to some sort of degree. So far it hasn’t affected us, we work through it and I am very supportive. I have learned more about what to do/not to do since reading your blogs/twitter since the show started and I thank you so much. For that, I ask you not to quit what you are doing, at any level because you are touching people.
I also think I relate to you and Kendra because I’m a dog person. I had tears flowing when I read about Big Dog. It broke my heart. I have my Abigail (1 1/2 yo lab) who is our child. Abigail came on the heels of Abby, our 14 yo Lab who we had to put down last year. I still cry at times over her. We only have on daughter who is 24 now so it’s like having kids again, that’s how devoted we are to our Abigail.
BTW, you can babysit my 19 month out grandson anytime you wish. I feel like I’ve gained a new friend and I thank you for that. You have helped me at a time when I’ve needed it more than any time in my life. Thank you Duncan.
You won’t hear any criticism from me. I had many friends die of AIDS as well including a relative. I think you did the healthy thing. You blogged instead of harming yourself, which can only be a good thing. We, of course, do not know the situation between you Jennie and Eric, but I hope whatever the break is, it can be repaired if you would like it to be. I gather you intend to stop Twittering and Blogging after tomorrow night. I shall miss you.
I feel that there is nothing I can say that hasn’t already been said about your blogs but I just wanted to thank you for sharing. I love your blogs and I love learning more about you as a person. You said on twitter that you wouldn’t be writing anymore about your sex addiction and I think that is a great choice because there is so much more to you than your recovery and I cannot wait to see what else you will be sharing. You are a beautiful soul 🙂
I kinda love your blog today too ! I know how you feel – I too buried my circle of friends and lived to tell. The AIDS crisis is not over.
Hi Duncan-
I posted this a couple of hours ago. I’m new to posting on a blog and I know you are approving posts and I see that some have been approved after mine. Did I say anything to offend you? If so, I did not mean to and I am sorry, please let me know what I did. You can reach me at lmdough@aol.com (I’m not sure if you can see my email or not). Obviously, please do not approve this post since it has my email! I didn’t see another way to contact you. Thanks, Lisa.
I love the blog today. Gut honest so thank you!! Remember, we are NOT our disease. So write about what you would like, it is after all your blog, but write about you, we all love you and support you in all that you do. How is your broken toe? I have broken mine alot, shit they hurt!! Take care and here is hoping you do have a wonderful Christmas and New Years.
Trina…we are not our disease. I needed to hear that today!
I am still in my addiction 😦 Two stints in treatment and still eating disordered. Still restricting, purging and thinking about food calories and weight. I like you. Since seeing you on VH1 there was just something about you that touched me. You seem like such a genuine real person. Authentic. I guess that is what I am striving for. I like your writing.
As long as we remember how they were, those beautiful, special, funny, creative beautiful people aren’t totally gone.
While Dr. Drew’s Rehab shows *do* are technically within the “reality show” genre, in concept they are on the furthest end of the spectrum from the others. Reality TV prey upon the outrageous, erratic, and narcissistic behavior of the cast members–the more extreme the better–for the purpose of higher ratings. They *exploit* these people… people whose behavior generally stems from traumatic experiences during their childhood development. I have always found these types of shows loathsome and refuse to even watch them–which is giving silent consent that this exploitation is acceptable as entertainment. (I guess I am also unique in that I find no interest in celebrity gossip or the other so-called “entertainment news,” and always believed that gaining celebrity does not revoke a person’s right to a private life. (I know, that makes me a freak in today’s society.)
I didn’t even watch Celebrity Rehab because I assumed it to be another shameful exploitation of celebrities going through their worst during detox; an assumption which immediately changed once I learned of Dr. Drew’s involvement and being already familiar with his work. Dr. Drew is unique in his approach with these shows. In his latest book, “The Mirror Effect: How Celebrity Narcissism is Seducing America,” he makes a point to elaborate on his motivation and how it is unique. He does not intend to exploit these celebrities and their problems and glamorize their antics and behaviors, as other Reality TV does. Instead, he explains the intent is to portray these patients not as celebrities, but as the human beings they are and show that the underlying—often very serious—root causes which stem their outrageous behaviors. He explained that, to him, it was necessary for him to have complete control over how these patients were ultimately portrayed in the show and not have their experiences and treatment be exploited. Without the Executive Producer role, Dr. Drew said that he would never have agreed to the show.
If it was “Sex Rehab with Dr. Phil,” then yes, you would have sunk to the *very* bottom of Reality TV. Instead, Dr. Drew is a highly skilled physician with experience in these areas who has a *genuine* interest in his patient’s recovery… and the recovery *beyond* the length of the series. Anyone who cannot see beyond the “celebrity status” of the patients and does not see the emotional implications and traumas which lie below it is the kind of person who compulsively follows gossip media yet endlessly mocks, ridicules, and loathes everyone featured in it. Anybody unable to empathize with you and the other patients as you go through the process is not a worthy to be a fan–nor are they a fan you would *want* to have.
I hope that your recovery continues to be going well… I found it was your experiences and revelations which were some of the biggest of the group (which is not to downplay the traumatic experiences or the breakthroughs of the other’s, of course) and will take much longer to resolve, and be an enormous emotional drain. I sincerely hope you are able to keep from being overwhelmed as you work to resolve these cognitive dissociations and hope that you will be able to begin placing at least some amount of trust in other men. I hope you continue to find your blog as an effective method of expression… your posts are exceptionally well written and convey great emotion within the posts. Yours is a blog I which I will continue to follow and I look forward to watching the season finale.
Joseph are you kidding me? Drew does nothing but exploit his patients. Have you not been reading Duncan’s blog or watching the show to see how contrived it is? He’s even obviously in league with David Weintraub and allowing him to supply the show with half its cast. Weintraub is a bottom-feeder who takes vulnerable celebrities, and under the guise of managing becomes a questionable influence and once he’s sucked as much as he can out of them drops them and moves on. He’s apparently the pimp for any one of Drew’s shows. He may be an “addiction specialist” but I even wonder about that. The accepted practice is that in order to counsel those with addictions effectively is that the counsellor has to be in recovery from an addiction as well. What is Drew’s addiction? Besides becoming a fame whore? At least we know Phil is a fame whore and I’ll bet he’s helped way more people than Drew ever will because Drew is sneaky. I seriously doubt that Drew’s interest goes beyond what he can Twitter.
I had to come back and re-read this because I was all verklempt and at school today.
*sigh* Where to begin? I too have lost friends and loved ones. The first was in 1985; a music teacher- the first person to tell me that I actually COULD sing. I wouldn’t be doing what I am doing now if it weren’t for him. He died before people- at least in Indiana- knew what was going on. He died in “isolation”- everything that went into his room had to be disposed of, visitors had to wear masks, he couldn’t be touched without gloves. NO HUMAN SHOULD BE TREATED LIKE THAT. It makes me sad beyond words to think that he went that way.
Here in San Francisco, the disease is part of our collective conscience. Everyone knows people who died. It makes me very angry when my friends don’t take precautions- I had 2 friends become infected about 5 years ago. They were on meth.
Like I’ve said to you via Twitter- you are more than this show. I have found you to be truthful and brutally honest and enjoyed what you write and if you allow your future blogs to be public, I will read them. I would bet you have a lot of interesting things to say that don’t revolve around the show, or even your addiction!
I thank you for your courage and your candor… I hope you have continued success in your sobriety and everything else in your life.
Keep your chin up- the world is full of a*holes. But it’s also full of wonders and people who get it.
Best, Trisha
“One day you faint when the gardener cuts his finger the next you’re wrapping the dead, emaciated body of a young man in a turning cloth because nobody else will do it.”
This blog really spoke to me, Duncan. Thank you for sharing this. I can relate.
Deep Duncan Very deep.
Here is a heads up I know you came from the U.K. I too live in Hollywood
and out here as you know and are finding out a lot of people are fake and
just use for whatever it might be, it’s sad but true! Like I say you should
say fuck all the small shit. Out here you always have to keep a ear open.
Duncan –
I’ve been reading and watching, but haven’t commented. Sounds like this could be one of your last blog (or maybe you’ll post after the finale) anyway–
thank you for fully opening yourself, perhaps filleting yourself during this process. As you’ve opened the depths of you’re being you’ve allowed us to peak over you shoulder and be there with you. I have no advice, no feedback, no critique, just gratitude. Reality TV may be contrived, scripted, etc. But in the midst of the script there are real people and I thank you for letting me see myself, some of my family members in you and some of the other cast. That might be the one benefit of reality tv.
I wish you much happiness, contentment, love, true friendships, and continued sobriety in all areas.
-jon
Second paragraph, my second sentence made absolutely no sense! Should have read:
As you’ve opened the depths of your being, you’ve allowed us to peak over your shoulder and be right there with you.
i wish i could hug you right now. your words tonite resonated with me. i had a painful interaction with one of my former, ‘lower companions’…thank you for reminding me and so many that we survived them, our pasts and will endure much more…and not to deal with their junk.
you’re loved and appreciated, duncan.
xo
Duncan.
How much will you be blogging after your reuten to UK? I read infrequently but like in a great meeting or when you come across someone with similar recovery stories it feels so comforting. Oct 17th same year of your recovery I was awakened and have lived my life according ever since. Lower companions is such a great way to describe people during my past but if it wasn’t for the lowest companion in my life I would have not have reached my bottom as quickly as I did. He died of menegitis 2 years later alone in S F. And probably cremated the way cities do for indigent addicts. I am so grateful to him for taking me down that cocaine hell path. But during my own using period I was a lowest companion for many of which I used and brought down with me. I asked to be forgiven universaly and by making my amends. Now I am not higher or lower than anyone because I am aware I find my capacity to just be me suits me just fine. Your description of clean sheets and driving around on a green Porsche also resonates with me. I was in SF when I got sober and went to a TLC sober house for a year and did 2 years of the best meetings daily in the mission district, grace cathedral and pacific heights. And flew around SF in a corvette. And now I am in the mountains above Reno near lake tahoe minus the trappings of things. No more Cartier, the boxster is gone and I am finding newness in making people happy. Need and want for nothing. I am greatful for health, my life is such a gift. And you Duncan have been a blessing. I did not watch the show but was curious about your blog because of how real a friend mentioned your recovery appeared on the show. Oh I do like my tea. 🙂 happy safe travels and may you please continue your blogs? You are more than substancial and the gay community who ignored you.
Hello Duncan, just want say that I am so grateful you survived. I believe God put you through it all because one day you would become a support to others. That day came when I watched Sex Rehab. I have a lot to learn from your life experience, and don’t you think this is a perfect example that everything happens for a reason?
Duncan, please don’t stop writing. It is my source of support right now. You put my feelings into words. Words that up until now my mind would not utter. You are giving me a chance to finally understand through your words why I behave and act out the way I do. Please… not yet….
Brittany Murphy died today at age 32. It makes me sad. Sad for the friends I have lost, not through death but disagreement, my illness (I have bipolar), and grudges. No one are really lower companions. Each human being has dignity and worth. I do not write this as any sort of judgement. I am just really sad. Everyone is worth a chance in life whether we meet up socially, intellectually, or financially. What is in the heart is what matters. I hope you recognize I do not mean this in judgement, I’m just so damn sad.
Duncan,
I viewed the last episode of Sex Rehab tonight. I was left wanting to know more about how you were doing with your journey. I have been reading the last hour on your blog, and you have so much to offer the world, and your unique insights on situations. The Aids/Hiv part of your life left me feeling guilty…i have often thought to myself why them? How have I dodged that bullet? I was in deep thought and i looked at the photo of the HIV slide you have posted>>>>and i found it ironic that the Virgin Mary seems to appear in one of the red cells> ironic?
Since reading your blog over these past weeks I left watching the final episode of SR with a feeling of general malaise and disappointment. No discussion or recommendation of SAA, AA or NA- just a 25 minute ploy about Kendra: would she or wouldn’t she take the offered help? Oy, that was manipulative reality tv at its worst. Thanks for these few months, and good luck in all your adventures. γνωθι σεαθτον!