I climbed Runyon. It didn’t shift the feeling of rage that shook my body after a curt little note from Adam at the American Foundation for Human Rights.
I met Adam after the Precious event at the Chateau Marmont. I showed some interest in the human rights work he is involved in. I offered to help. We became Facebook friends. I offered to take Adam to lunch. Adam said he was available after Thanksgiving. I emailed him once again today.
Adam replied that he didn’t have time to meet to discuss the Foundation before say, February. He is ‘stressed’ too stressed, apparently, to think that maybe somebody like me could actually help. Adam will be appearing, however, in a choir, carving pumpkins and decorating his Christmas tree with ‘friends’ and ‘family’ during the holiday season. Adam, as you can imagine, is ‘single’.
Before I launch into this I just want to remind you that I have devoted my life as an artist and filmmaker and now TV personality to serving the gay community. My last gay film, The Picture of Dorian Gray a reworking of the original text by Oscar Wilde was either the opening or closing night film at 5 major gay film festivals around the world and played in over 300 others. This film followed in the footsteps of 5 previous films. When Jimmy Kimmel said publicly, mockingly that he had not heard of me my response was why should he? He doesn’t go to gay film festivals but there are many thousands of us who do. Before becoming a filmmaker I made theatre primarily for a gay audience. My credentials as a bone fide, committed, gay artist and cultural aficionado are without doubt.
I watched the promotional video on the site of the American Foundation for Human Rights. The gay men at the heart of the Prop 8 human rights case were dressed anonymously, the lesbians like a man and a woman. The representative for the Foundation earnestly telling the rapt audience that they were going to find ‘justice’. The straight lawyers from ‘across the political divide’, already married to heterosexuals, were coming together so that gay men and lesbians who ‘deserved’ equal rights could get married just like them. As usual, they spent time invoking and quoting and channeling the ubiquitous Dr. Martin Luther King, as usual ignoring the irritation this causes black men and women who are loathed to let the gays appropriate their tireless martyred hero.
Why should that be you wonder? Why should the black community want to hold so preciously onto Martin Luther King? Why do they feel that their struggle is so different to ours?
Well, for a start the gays can’t muster enough of a consensus to find one man or one woman who speaks their truth or to their condition. There is no face to the voice that whines and complains. I suspect the black community loath comparisons between their struggle and ours because we so rarely struggle. Because they really did struggle: appalling, life threatening, daily, no reprieve, at the back of the fucking bus struggle.
If you take time and look at Dr King’s timeline scarcely a month passed when he was not actively risking his life for equal rights, where he marched in hostile neighborhoods, where he calmly faced a sneering, Glenn Beck type media.
When he was assassinated there were riots in 130 cities, 20,000 people were arrested. There were riots in 130 cities.
Dr King galvanized his community as a leader could galvanize ours. Where is our fearless leader?
When did the gay men you know really fight for equality? When did the gay man you know last risk his life or risk being arrested or simply hand a leaflet to a person outside of WeHo or Chelsea or your cities gay ghetto? When did he take real risks for what he believed in? When did he let someone who never previously met a gay man know him so that that someone could put a face to the notion on the ballot before he/she voted?
Every time we say Dr Kings name in regard to our struggle we choose to overlook the history of slavery, emasculation, lynching, rape, child abuse, murder etc. etc. But mostly we choose to ignore our own dirty little secret: the appalling racism that exists in the gay community. Let me say it again: we simply overlook this most shocking fact. Endemic RACISM in our own community.
- According to a 2008 study, racism against gay Asian/Pacific Islander men leads to socially and contextually prescribed sexual roles for that may also contribute to the practice of unsafe sex among this group.
- According to a 2000 survey conducted of LGBT African-Americans in nine U.S. cities, a third of respondents reported negative experiences in predominantly white LGBT organizations and with white LGBT persons in bars and clubs.
- In 2005, Les Natali, the owner of a gay bar named Badlands located in San Francisco, was criticized by the city’s Human Rights Commission who determined that thirteen instances of racial discrimination by the staff occurred. Examples include refusal for entry by African-Americans, white patrons being served first even though African-Americans were first in line among others.Badlands was picketed by a diverse group of community activists over several weeks to bring attention to the situation and a group, And Castro For All (AC4A) was formed that has continued to promote dialog about racism in LGBT communities.
- In 2006, there were reports of verbal attacks on gay Latinos by gay whites in The Castro district of San Francisco. John Mendoza, a protest organizer against racism in the Castro, said he was told by a gay white male to “go back to Mexico, you fucking wetback, where you belong”. A rally was staged in response.
- Drag queen and performance artist Chuck Knipp has been criticized by anti-racism advocates for his character Shirley Q. Liquor. Knipp performs his act in blackface, and makes comments about blacks and black culture which some people consider offensive. Several protests have taken place and Knipp has canceled several of his shows.
- Some LGBT media outlets have been criticized for not putting a racially diverse representation of gays and lesbians in their works, like magazines such as The Advocate and gay-themed television series such as Queer as Folk.Shows such as LOGO’s Noah’s Arc utilized more gay people of color in their casts.
- The late photographer Robert Mapplethorpe produced a work called The Black Book which many gay, African-American artists have called fetishistic, racist, and demeaning.
Thought you might not know that stuff. Think you might hesitate before quoting Dr King next time?
As usual this Human Rights Foundation is merely a money making machine for more over paid lawyers. Lawyers and more lawyers feeding off of the carcass of our community. Using the same old routes expecting a different destination.
Why is it so difficult for us to find our own Dr King? I want my own brave, eloquent gay leader? Can we get ourselves a leader who galvanizes our community? I very much doubt it. Unless he’s a porn star of course or Ellen.
Another thing. When I walk the streets in my gay neighborhood I get pestered for cash all the time by pro gay marriage beggars. Can we spend our communities money wisely-I suggest we spend it on pro-gay aren’t we fab type advertisements, on outreach, on being visible to people who might not know who we are but hold the deciding vote? So, when and if the time comes we are known, that our faces and stories are known beyond our gated community.
I am sure Adam is a very nice boy. I am sure his friends and family will appreciate his ‘time’ during the holiday season. I am only sorry that, as usual, there seems to be no time for those of us who have engaged successfully with changing the law in our own country without pissing off a community that suits a comparison but not a shared culture.
Some of us want to get involved, feel included without being shoved condescendingly to the sidelines by prissy queens who seem, by their Facebook profiles to know tribes of identical men with identical, mediocre hair cuts and manicured histories and no idea what it is to be risky beyond snorting crystal and barebacking.
P.S. I had a dream that every man I ever objectified lay in a pile of naked, rotting pink and brown tangled limbs. Every man I ever slept with, fantasized about, intrigued with. Every man from straight college man dot com, from Sean Cody dot com, Corbin Fisher dot com-they were all there. Rocky, Max, Tucker, Rider, Sean. A mountain of dead bodies, a heap of pristine white underwear, blue jeans, teeshirts, huge piles of expensive sneakers. Every man I ever wanted, however briefly, a useless, decaying memory.
Duncan,
It’s clear you are well versed in American history. What do you think about Bayard Rustin, the openly gay organizer of the March on Washington? As you know, he was one of King’s most trusted advisors. He was one of the main architects for the movement’s passive resistance strategy. It seems to me that he is the lynchpin for the connection between African Americans & gay Americans (sometimes one and the same) and human rights. African Americans–all Americans–owe as much to this one black gay man as anyone in our history. How are black folk allowed to use King’s name, yet ignore their own homophobia? It is no accident that Coretta Scott King was in favor of full and equal rights for gay men and women. She was just remaining faithful to her husband’s principals.
Tangentially, what do you think of Andrew Sullivan, who despite his support of Obama, is undeniably bigoted against African Americans, even as he asserts the rights of gay men?
Wonderful post as usual. I sincerely hope that your voice gains a wider platform.
Very well said. I have been wondering the same thing ever since I came out. Then I feel guilty because I have never done as much as I should have. Does donating to a cause once in a while really solve anything? Why don’t we take it to the streets? You’d think that texting and iPhones could really help rally us quickly but instead, it just makes us more disconnected.
I think we need to stop looking for THE leader and all try ourselves to be the one. And those are words I need to take to heart myself.
Again, great post. I am glad to see others feel the same way.
my mind has been blown away. incredibly powerful piece and I just love, love, love the way you use our language. beautiful.
why can’t you be the gay community’s dr. king? you sound very qualified. and I mean that sincerely.
❤
I recognize you’re ability to get angry.
I agree there is a vast amount of white
privileged in the LGBTQ community.
Further, I agree it would be nice for
there to be a “great pink hope”…
And finally, I accept your status as a
“proper gay activist” without all the
protest.
That being said, I think you’re choice
of Wilde’s work seems telling to me.
In your recovery you seem to reject the
“image” of the seductive “gay boi”
(youth, beauty, carnality) (admitedly
Wilde’s image was much more effete and
yours much more “str8″/”str8-acting”).
It also seems to me in your addiction,
as opposed to your recovery, as well as,
in your childhood trauma (as I understand
it) … you impute upon the rest of the
“gays” the ugly side of Dorian Gray.
As if we are all otherwise monsters with
a veneer protecting our image from our
deeply hideous soul.
A reader said to me and I had to promptly
agree: “You seem to like your str8 lady
blog readers more than your gay male ones.”
As a final point, and because I would not
wish to reflect to you what I see or read
here without disclosing what may be an
other than conscious motivation on my own,
I attempted to reach out to you, but not
track you down on twitter, facebook, etc…
…and perhaps it was not seen, or perhaps
it was too indirect, etc. etc.
However, I haven’t heard from you for what
be the reason. So perhaps, some serenity
would assist you with that sure to be
“very nice boy” Adam.
Cheers,
Paulie
As if we are all otherwise monsters with
a veneer protecting our image from our
deeply hideous soul.
I really like this. Very accurate.
That is the power of Wilde’s work.
I think he may have had a clearer
looking into human folly and the
human condition by virtual of his
being a human outcast.
And, I do not mean, actually cast
out (though that eventually happened),
rather I mean the sense of alienation
that is being gay in a hetronormative
society.
Cheers,
Paulie
You see, there you go again prescribing gayness on to a man just because he fucked other men. Until he lied in court he was not an outcast. it wasn’t his prediliction for boys that mede him an out cast, it was his pride. BTW, lets not forget he was fucking working class 13 year old boys-he was the Michael Jackson of his day. You are assuming that he felt alienated when the opposite was true. You are applying a contemporary american view of sexuality on a victorian man. Have you read the love letters he wrote to his wife? Have you? They are as beautiful as the ones he wrote to Bosey. Your analysis of Wilde is far too simplistic. On the way home from Phoenix Joe and I were discussing gay men as shamen. That our unique perspective is shaped by our uncommon desires.
You are absolutely right
that I provided a rather
cleanly …simplistic
approach to Wilde because
I do not usually find
others care to understand
the finer and hypocritical
aspects of the Victorian
period…
…or even the role of a
Gentalman vis-a-vi the
working class or trades-
person.
One thing I did not “do”
either directly, though
I can see how it would be
easily read as such.
I did not call him “gay”
I said… “the sense of
alienation that is being
gay in a hetronormative
society”
I have read his letters
to his wife. I’ve read
Das Profundis, the Ballad
of Reading Gail, etc. etc.
I was, unecessiarly, being
clear that he wasn’t “sent
out” of his town…and yes,
you’re spot on.
In fact, it is actually silly
those who feel Wilde did
something “for” gay rights.
When in fact, he set them
back. Prior to him, the
pigs really had no plan or
method for convicting men
under the law.
His boldness in crying foul
when Mr. Douglas called him
a “Sodomite” or some such
misspelling…he would have
served us all better by
ignoring it. But the
generational pride he seemed
to get from his Mum took
over his otherwise educated
brain.
Sorry for the poor construction.
Yes, gay sex does not gay make.
Cheers,
Paulie
Crap. Sorry I did the quote thingy wrong…:(
duncan I am sober 24 yr and I love you
when I am in the space you are in I recognize that I am taking everything personally and it is not about me, adam is just doing his dance he does, he probably does it to everyone and you think you should be different?
read the chapter the family afterwards
I am hypersensitive and overreactive
also the last page of step 7 in the 12 and 12
unreasonable demands upon myself on others and on god
there is so much grief in recoivery and so much joy
next step would be the 4 things on p 84 if you are willing to let it go
if not pray for willingness and enjoy your rant
love and fellowship
Wonderfully informative post, Duncan.
As one of your straight (invisible) friends, I didn’t know previously much of what you posted. But as a long-time supporter of social justice issues, these are things I want to know about.
I’m glad you channel your anger into positive action like your writing projects.
I do wish you would get over your silly prejudice or fear of cancer or whatever makes you reluctant to go to a Dr. They are NOT all just after your money. (Though I agree with you about socialized medicine.) Sure, they want to be paid, but plenty of them ALSO genuinely try to help people get well. Besides, there are plenty of other possible conditions that may be causing your pain. Infections are a lot more common than cancer, and a lot easier to treat. I’m not gonna play Dr. House over the web, but I am going to join the choir of previous posters who have urged you to get over it and just GO. Your discomfort is an unnecessary distraction to what you want to achieve.
I love you.
I think you were channeling Clive Barker in your dream, it might work as the opening paragragh in our community’s I Have a Dream speech. Great post today.
February? What kind of gay bitch slap was that? What makes him think you will remember him in February? Who even has next years fucking calendar? How did you respond Duncan? I would make some crack about valentines day just to piss him off.
You’re probably too rad for him Duncan. He’s probably going to be too busy lobbying Merideth Baxter Birney. Mark my words.
This is why I’m not a joiner of anything. No matter how worthy the cause, there’s always a pompous ass in the leadership role.
I don’t know much about him, but do you think Harvey Milk had the qualities of a leader for the gay community?
Duncan …Bravo…Wish I had known you were in Phx would have loved to meet you.
Hello Duncan. I wanted to say thank you, to you (and everyone else who allowed themselves to be on Sex Rehab) for doing the show. I managed to stumble upon it when the second episode was airing, a few days after my own sex addiction had cost me my job. Watching all of you has been like watching my self and if it weren’t for the show I would still be in denial about my addiction. I feel I can at least now try to curb my behaviors instead of going with the usual stream of thoughts in which I cheer myself on to get that fix.
Also I wanted to say I loved on Sex Rehab when you explained your attraction to men who identify as straight, how they don’t have the feminine mannerisms. I never quite get why people who identify as gay/lesbian often lean so much towards appearing similar to the opposite sex when they are attracted to the same sex. I have my theory but I won’t make this longer by going into it.
Anyways thank you Duncan and everyone else on the show for putting yourselves out there like that for the rest of us to see.
I was thinking about that dream you described. This is just a guess off the back of my head, but I love trying to figure out dreams. They are often so useful in our growing and healing process. You may well know exactly what the dream means by now, so please pardon me for indulging in this guess.
Could it be that the monument of the beautiful dead represents all the lost opportunities for something more meaningful with these men? You said they were the ones you had objectified. By doing so, you “killed” the possibility of real or lasting intimacy. Also, now that you are braver than you were emotionally, you may be allowing yourself to mourn part of your past.
I hope you are also allowing yourself to hope for lasting love in the future.
When I think of a gay leader, I think of Harvey Milk and Mel White of Soulforce. Have you ever read Mel’s book “Stranger at the Gate: To Be Gay and Christian in America”. I really feel Harvey would be known to the world today even if he had not been assasinated. If you haven’t seen it, see Times of Harvey Milk. I know everyone is familiar, Milk, but the documentary was so much more moving to me.
Thank you for helping me get through some hard days! Much love to you…
Oh, Duncan. I understand your anger. However, you can’t spell Glenn (not Glen) Beck’s name correctly. Probably because you’ve never seen his show or listened to his radio program. Are you the kind of person who just mindlessly judge (and hate) people you’ve never met before simply because they have a different opinion than you do – which, ironically, is pretty much the definition of “bigotry.” I bet you are not. I want to tell you that I am a straight man who uses glory holes, sucking annoymous men. My wife does not know. I have kids and go to church. I love Glenn Beck and Rush, they are my heros.
Love your writing. Doesn’t matter the topic, you write so well. I love reading your blog!