Thanksgiving 2009. Hollywood California USA.
Today I have a great deal to be thankful. It is odd to think that less than a year ago I was still ensconced in my porn cave. Now, in the most public way, I am delivered from my unhealthy behaviors. For that I am incredibly grateful.
As the weeks pass and Sex Rehab unfolds on VH1 emails arrive from all over the USA. Mostly men and some women tell me the most harrowing details of their addiction. I am most moved by the heterosexual men who reach out to me, for I am sure it is no easy task in such a sexually polarized country to do so.
These men and women who sit alone in their homes, forsaking humanity, searching for the perfect image, delving into the darkness of their souls speak volumes to me. And it is to you and your courage that I give thanks this morning.
One gay man came up to me in the street and told me that at 31 year old he had never had a relationship, forsaking happiness for pornography and fleeting hookups.
A few nights ago another man sat in my living room crying because he could not stop looking at pornography, ‘the worst kind’ he said. He was appalled and shamed by his actions and desperate to stop.
At times like these there is little ‘advice’ I can give. I am there to listen and offer hope that lives can change. That there is a solution.
There is a solution. I am here to affirm that this true. If you are suffering any kind of addiction there is a solution. For this I am grateful.
I have been very surprised that so few homo haters have bothered contacting me and for that I am grateful.
When strangers call my name in the street it is all so often to congratulate me for my bravery, to reassure me that they are on my side. It is the hardest thing of all to put your hand out to another suffering man. To make space at your table for those who see no way out of misery.
I am so fortunate. Whatever happens good or bad I remain open hearted. Whatever may be in God’s plan for me is really none of my business-but I can tell you one thing of which I am totally sure-if I can live without resentment, shame or anger then I am alive to receive the abundance of this world. To me abundance does not mean houses, cars, and exotic travel. Abundance means simply, to be sure footed in a world littered with treacherous obstacles.
My gratitude this morning is for life. I am grateful to be alive. That, at this very moment, everything is just as it is meant to be.
Duncan Roy's Blog 
Kudos to you Duncan.
I hope you will have a truly fabulous day!
Nadja
Duncan, you are truly an inspiration.
you face the true depth of an insidious disease in front of a nation hoping to be merely entertained.
I have been struck hardest by your honesty. your behavior on the show and the candor of your words here prove to me, and to everyone else, that it takes an entire community to heal someone and that you deserve our support.
as a straight man i have been completely shocked by your openness and enthusiasm for the healing process, in spite of such obvious pain.
you’re a peach, sir. today i’m thankful for the bravery of people like you.
have a fantastic holiday.
It speaks volumes that you can be concerned about the recovery of others when you are going thru it yourself. Your post is heart lifting. May your life continue on a steady positive direction. Happy Thanksgiving!
Thank you for this blog entry. Continued strength and lots of love to you Duncan. -Lorena
Beautiful feeling recovery is! Beautiful words from a sweet man. I was convalescing in bed as I watched you grow. Suffering from illness, you gave me hope that I can overcome this obstacle and rise above it. When I saw your sincere smile come out, it was a glorious site! I too now feel better each day. Thanks!
Jo in TN.
I absolutely adore your words, and I’m thankful for your blog (though I’m Canadian and we did this Thanksgiving thing six weeks ago). Your posts are thoughtful, intelligent, critical, and interesting. Thank you!
hi duncan –
i’ll follow your blog. i’m compelled to. so very glad to hear that you are doing good today and preparing to take your next step forward tomorrow, your next breathe deeply in one minute. this is a good sign for better things to come. i want to hear what you have to say regarding sexual addition to pornography.
wow so very well written. I am not a sex addict but I have an eating disorder. I watch the VH1 show. Your bravery is amazing. I am going to follow you on twitter if that is okay.
thankyou so much for the encouragement! Please do follow on twitter-I would be honoured.
So proud of you!! keep it up!!
So very proud of you! You are a truely amazing person. You are able now to give hope to the afflicted. Cogratulations. Keep up the good work, and happy Thanksgiving!
Duncan, I’m proud to know you and to have had your experience make me braver than I’d ever thought possible. Congratulations on your successes, both past, present, and future.
Happy Thanksgiving my friend, even if these clothes sometimes feel as if they don’t really fit… You Brit.
Duncan,
So proud to hear you are doing well. I am a recovering addict of six and a half years and today, extremely grateful for all that I have and all that I have become. Trust this process of recovery, because we can always trust what our disease will do.
Much peace to you, today and always
I wish the best for you Duncan. Good luck in your journey.
-An army wife in TN.
Duncan,
Please continue your very well thoughts put to blog. You have a wonderful insighful edgy but honest way of expressing yourself. I enjoy reading them as they are on point when it comes to my own recovery. Especially the dark edge that addiction(s) contributed to my displacements and lonelyness. It is not a good path and your expressions remind me just like when I went into treatment of where I was. Why I was there and what I needed to do. Also there really was so much more to be and to do. I have nothing to prove yet soo very much to learn and share and do. I don’t have to be right yet I must always be mindfull and act right. I wish you so very much joy and wellness. Thank you for contributing to my sense of being exactly where I should be and well being.
JDW
Hi Duncan,
I’ll be thinking of you as you continue through your journey. I love your openness and your outlook on things, it really is inspiring. I hope you had a wonderful day today, and hey, who doesn’t love an excuse to eat lots of food? Happy Thanksgiving. 🙂
Duncan,
I have watched you on Dr.Drew’s Sex Rehab and never realized the severity of a sexual addiction. This is the first time I read your blog, as I follow Dr. Drew on Twitter. Congratulations on your continued journey and know that your words relate to so many people and on so many different levels. Again, may you continue to be successful on your journey.
Rachel
on a night with bellies so full, family arguments settled(hum?) and credit cards ready to go…thanksgiving and the upcoming holidays can be very lonely for some…i worked a 10 hr shift at 7-11 while the rest of the world watched a parade, yelled at footballers, fought for more stuffing, and pretended to get along with:fill in _________(relatives name)….so then, thank you my dear Duncan, your feelings and words made the bitterness go away and let me feel like i will be okay.
We are on you side, and you truly are brave and an inspiration. It took a lot to expose all your demons to the public the way you did (i.e. on Dr. Drew’s show). I wish you continued success.
I’m afraid that I know…not a lot about you. But watching Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew shows a very intelligent and caring man who struggles. Gay or straight, I had no idea – or rather didn’t pay attention – because I typically don’t focus on the smaller details. I usually pick up the wider picture, often to the dismay of my friends and family; unless it’s on a to-do list and then hell itself can’t stop me. But reading the past several posts you’ve done shows there’s some security in insecurity.
What I mean is that everyone has something that makes them insecure, even in the best of times, and it’s a tying factor we should all remember. Just one I never picked up on. I’m terminally frigid for a myriad of reasons so I don’t understand sexual addiction, but I can understand the concept of addiction. I’m a compulsive eater and an escapist by books. The first is obvious when you look at me and speak to me, hear the self-depreciation that goes far harsher than it should. The second people would laugh at for saying but growing up books were my way *out* of the life I was living, the dysfunctional edge that cut along blade no matter where I was on it. I still overread for the purpose. It’s how I run when life gets too unbearable, too real, too suffocating. Happens more and more lately. Life is scary when you’re not secure and vulnerable if someone bothers to look a little closely past the surface.
All that said, I find it admirable that you’re willing to face life and your demons along the way. It’s quite brave since so many of us are too frozen to do such a thing. It’s not easy being honest about yourself. The world? Sure, we’re all opinionated. About other people, too. But it’s very, very hard to be open about who we are, why we are, and what we’ll be from those factors. You’re kind of awesome because of your willingness to share personal facts among the millions of people who simply know you through impersonal interactions. For not running or cowering.
I hope you get to Paris and can paint your heart out, heal a little and gain strength for moving forward.
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Wow, you are a beautiful writer and one of the most endearing people on the show. Congratulations on your journey, and my family is cheering for you.
Much love, Duncan. Stay strong.