This morning I pooed a big red blood clot and much bright red blood. Instantaneously I wondered what would happen to my darling little dog if I died. I am not scared of death. I assume that someone somewhere would be delighted to add my date of death to my wikipedia page.
After much consultation on line I think that it is most likely that I have some kind of gastroenteritis. I felt pretty bad after eating the finger food at the GQ party. I am deliberately steering my thinking away from thoughts of cancer-though it should not be ruled out. To tell you the truth I just wanted to hop on a plane and get to a British doctor as soon as I could but I may just call Drew. He is an excellent GP and will know the right person to call.
My father died of pancreatic cancer. It took 11 weeks from the date of diagnosis until he passed. A swift death would be preferable. My friend Dione took months to die. Kept alive unnecessarily as the bowl cancer ravaged her body. I made a decision years ago that if I ever got cancer I would let it take me and not prolong life by having chemo.
To be at peace with myself when death comes is the ultimate goal. I have seen too many people struggle with death, young people especially. That was my aim when I got sober: to die peacefully without too much unfinished business, resentments or anger in my heart.
My house in Malibu is for sale. As much as I love it I really don’t need the extra worry it causes me. I am trying to simplify my life.
There have been occasions recently when I wondered what I was doing being alive anyway. I expected to die young and now I am too old to do so.
Last night a young man approached me on the street. 31 years old, gay and addicted to the Internet. He told me that he had been following me on Sex Rehab and that as a result of my telling my story he had totally changed his behavior. He told me that he had never had a relationship, that he had traded the chance for having one for a life of quick hook ups from the Internet.
I hugged him. It was heartening to hear that the show really had helped some one. Truly helped another gay man with similar problems to my own. When I agreed to go on the show that is all I wanted to do: Help another sex addict.
Eric and I walked Runyon today. It was lovely up there. Hundreds of well behaved dogs for Luna and the Little Dog to play with. I know that the little dog will be okay. He will go and live in Whitstable with Carol and Marc. He loved it there on the beach.
Duncan Roy's Blog 
Please, do not wait to call the Dr., that sounds serious to me. Seems like you have given this a lot of thought, but you never know, it may be minor stomach ailment, but call anyway!! Forgive me, I’m a mom…lol.
I think it’s great that you got to connect with someone you helped through doing the show. But, trust and accept that you will help many that you will never know about. You (and the adorable Jennie) have inspired me by your courage and your dedication to learning how to keep going farther in recovery. I get bogged down and decide where I am is good enough. I will work on that, thanks to the show.
You know, I think even Kari Ann will have a profound effect on some other sex wielding princesses out there. But, I have been accused of optimism before.
I agree with Imani, please do not wait. If it is anything, I would hope it will be caught early. My father died of Melanoma in 2000 and his symptoms began several months before, but he just thought they were a result of anxiety from a stressful situation in our family. He died three months after diagnosis.
It is good you do not fear death, I fear it greatly. However, I would really hope to see you live to a good old age. Especially now that you sound so much more content with your life. You are certainly touching the lives of others, Duncan.
I’m so glad you saw that young man and it warmed me to think of you hugging him. You and the others on Sex Rehab have certainly made a difference in my life. I told my therapist things I have never ever said out loud before. It was painful, but the show gave me the strength to finally deal with my issues. So although, its unfortunate that Vh1 is trying to appeal to those seeking drama, it is really helping people.
I really wish I could give each one of you a hug, Duncan. I feel saddened that I cannot know you personally. I need help and find it lacking here. I kind of liken Sex Rehab to having people coming out and being role models, it makes me feel a little less alone in this world! ❤ to you!
Duncan.
Breathe, get thee to a gastrointestinal doctor, and one step at a time.
We addicts tend to make everything black and white. We know nothing until we learn the facts, and see how we feel, and that takes time. Patience.
I saw the most recent episode (the one airing sunday the 22nd that includes the art therapy) I think you will be pleased at the editing, much more of ALL members of the group, not just solely Kari Ann. I particularly love seeing everyone’s personality coming through. Please keep your faith in some things, like friendship, and dogs, and hugs, and small differences. They all count.
Hi Duncan,
I really appreciate what you and your friends have done for people by filming the Sex Rehab show. I’m not a sex addict, but I’ve used every substance on the planet to try and smother feelings of disgust, insecurity, and pain that spawns from many years of sexual abuse. My relationships are often ruined by the fact that I can’t have intercourse. Although the show is focusing on sex addiction, it still helps me. I watch and listen to your stories, and it helps me feel less alone in this vast world of shiny, happy people.
Regardless of the ratings the show receives, it is a huge topic of discussion in my community. A lot of people in Seattle are wondering why they let Kari Ann take over the show. I have to agree that the spoiled princess antics are really distracting from what the show is supposed to be about.
Oh, and Duncan, Death be damned or not… call a doctor. There are many ailments that can cause your symptoms, and not all of them lead to chemotherapy. You could have a fissure or polyp, and both can be repaired easily.
Take care of yourself,
🙂
Get a colonoscopy ASAP. I had the same recurring poop problems. I’m okay, though. No cancer.
First let me comment on all the lovley pics you have on this page. I am a proffessional photographer and I think that you have a great eye for it, you seem to capture the beauty in things at the moment. Second, I have pooed red blood clots too. It means that you need to see your Digestive Desiease Doctor.It could be something serious, and I will take very good care of Big Bad Dog for you anytime. Also , I have Cancer Non-Hodgkins Lypmoma its not that bad.