After a couple of hopeful weeks I now despondently watch Sex Rehab.
Kari Ann, as we guessed when we were filming the show, would be the unwitting star. A post-modern Mildred Pierce. The care and therapy I received whilst at The Pasadena Recovery Center was outstanding. I am sad, however, that the work most of us committed to has taken a back seat to Kari Ann’s crude camera hogging. Using Kari Anne as the narrative spine of the show may be VH1’s solution for increasing viewing figures but sadly it isn’t working-viewing figures have plummeted.
Simply, Kari Ann is not a very attractive TV personality. Though I don’t personally dislike her it comes as no great surprise that once viewers realized they were watching the ‘Kari Ann Show’ they began flipping channels.
Viewers may return after Oprah airs the Sex Rehab special on Monday but frankly, I doubt it. The damage has been done.
From my perspective as a film maker there are fundamental structural problems with the show.
Firstly, the ‘narrative’ of sex addiction is nothing like drug addiction. Alcoholics/Drug addicts commit to be abstinent from mind-altering substances. The ensuing drama is simple: Will they? Wont they? Most people understand the simple concept of not taking a drink or a drug. Most people do not understand, however, the concept of not having sex or sex addiction. Why should they?
Treatment for sex addiction often starts with a period of abstinence from all sexual activity after which the sex addict can then healthily re-engage with his or her sexuality. The cure for sex addiction therefore is: sex. (As in the cure for overeating/anorexia etc. is: food.) When we tell our stories as sex addicts we seek to define our unique sexual agenda-where our lives have become unmanageable and we are now powerless over our destructive sex conduct. Example: my ‘triggers’ includes straight identified men, chronic masturbation, pornography, Internet hook up sites and intrigue. These triggers are wildly different from Phil, Amber, Kendra and Jennie.
In Celebrity Drug Rehab each story has one extraordinary similarity: Pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization due to the excessive use of drink and drugs forces a life or death choice upon each drug addict. In Sex Rehab we all have extraordinary differences. This uniqueness simply cannot be explored adequately nor make great TV in the format as presented. We merely get a tiny glimpse into each character never fully understanding the individual addiction nor the solution.
If, say, the first episode of Sex Rehab had been an hour and half long rather than a TV hour of 43 minutes we might have had an opportunity to fully ‘know’ and engage with each patient. Allowing more time at the beginning of the series for each character to emerge might have lent a truer perspective on the patients, their unique addiction and their struggle. Subsequently our understanding, sympathy and enjoyment would grow only deeper as the weeks past-regardless of Karin Ann’s antics.
The other reason Sex Rehab may be losing it’s audience is the subject itself. Modern American audiences may not be ready to accept a high concept reality show/documentary that so directly and baldly challenges our notion of healthy sexuality. From what I read on Twitter etc. many are baffled, and remain so, by the very idea of sex addiction. Baffled by the notion of an ‘intimacy disorder’, by retraumatization, by sexualized anger etc. etc.
Sex is perhaps the only pleasure left to many, many young people who find themselves demoralized, unemployed, foreclosed upon-with little to look forward to. The complicated message that Sex Rehab seeks to explore, but ultimately fails, may be perceived as challenging our personal ideas of decency-in as much as it may reinforce a Christian ethic upon a VH1 audience that has long committed to a much freer sexual code of conduct.
By dumbing down the show Sex Rehab VH1 have done a terrible disservice to sex addiction and those of us who suffer from it.
I agree w/ you , I am not interested in Kari Anne’s acting like a princess.But will still watch to see if they can get it together I feel like Im watching a soap opra . As a person that has had issues w/ sex addictions , I watch to try to understand what I can do to help meself. Maybe you should make you own documentry because I would be interested in what you have to say.
I couldn’t agree more. I defiantly think that you should make a documentary about this. I could care less about Kari Ann and her fits she pulls, I am much more interested in everyone else. It is such a hard subject to deal with and lots of people around the globe have this problem. I can’t wait to see what actually happens. btw, you are a real inspiration to me. Keep up the good work. 🙂
I’m an internet porn addict. Unemployed for 6 years, by myself, in my house all day looking at porn. I’m a bit fearful of getting outside help, so whenever I stumble upon something on TV or the internet that has anything to do with sex addiction I gobble it up. I’ve been sober since the first episode. Those first two episodes were motivation enough to keep me sober this long. I’m going to try to keep finding motivation from the show even it continues to go downhill from here. I can always go back to those first episodes if I have to. Just seeing your faces and knowing that you are going through the same thing that I am helps me a lot.
I guess I see your point about Cari Ann, but I just took it to be like life (or reality, if you will). People with problems still active get in the way of people trying to work on communicating ALL THE TIME. It is part of the group dynamic . . . and the human condition. I think you have done an extraordinary thing and it comes through on the show. I think the courage of all of you (most of you) is amazing. Even the Cari Ann story shows a person petrified to actually engage in the work you are doing, which a far more common story than 6 people enter rehab and all turn out fine after.
I am a sex addict in varying states of recovery, myself, and I thank you for doing this. You all were SO exposed and SO courageous. Don’t think of all of the people who won’t watch it for whatever reason, think of the help that it will give to those that do watch it. Unlike the drug rehab shows which are about convincing people that they need to be in recovery. This group was (mostly) open and looking for answers from the first meeting which is extraordinary and hopefully will help people open up their own lives to recovery. Take heart!
Duncan I know it seems like it is the Kari Ann show, but Im a viewer who is completely taken in, respectfully in awe, and watching because of you and Jennie. Believe me some viewers are smarter than you think, and fast forward the teenager stuff, and watch and learn from those on the show who do the real work. Some of the message is getting through, and for reality television, that is a positive. Have faith in small steps, ok?
I’ve been following Sex Rehab since its first airing on TV. I have so much respect for every single one of you that threw yourself on our televisions for everyone to see, it was very bold. You are an example and an inspiration for many of us out there that are dealing with an addiction of some sort, whether is be sex or bashing our self image. Bringing this issue out is making a huge public statement and giving attention to a topic that is usually passed over.
As for Kari Ann, there will always be someone in any group dynamic, no matter what species of animal, that disrupts everything and feels the need to draw inappropriate attention to them.
Keep on pressing on, no matter what life throws at you.
Yes I would also love to see YOUR version of/answer to Sex Rehab! But take heart – no matter how badly the VH1 show ends up being edited – the gift YOU have given is already indelible. Please do not be discouraged. I know I’m not – still hopeful the story line will move on from Keri Ann’s boring tantrums and get back around to everybody else very soon.
I agree with your analysis , i only you were the producer and editor of the show, however I will continue watching
I wanted to start by saying thank you for sharing your life with the world so that possibly people like me who are sex addicts can learn from it.I have been sexually abused as a child and your life history relates to me.
I watched the whole episod and I started watching the show because I wanted to learn how to cope with sexual addiction. By the way, all the sexual addition triggers that I have are the same as yours.
As the show continues I started to lose interest and felt like i am wasting my time by watchig it. The best lessons for me is to hear your interview and telling how you are stuglling with it. That is real and i felt it. But to watch how everyone in the cast interact with each other but not the real issue and trying to make it a popular show made me lose interest.
This blog post nailed it in the last 3 graphs.
I too read the “Tweets” from people about the
show and was simply disgusted. It’s the same
kind of empathy lacking, knee-jerk, puritan
lamb blasting that takes place when a sex
addiction or sex “offender” is exposed.
The level of alienation in our post-modern
existence coupled with the “everyone is a
star” and “everyone is a reporter” with an
inherently valid and “necessary” opinion to
be broadcast, then indexed, then searchable,
and then commented on by others…
…ugh, it is truly making “Social” media,
anti-social media (or perhaps worse in fact,
social-reification media).
Love the post.
Paulie
I personally think the biggest turn off for a large part of the audience is that Sex Rehab isn’t about sex.
i think that this is true
I’ve been watching the series, and I do not find it to be the “Kari Ann show.” Yes, of course, her conduct is of interest, but not always because it’s about her – but also because of her impact on others, which is about them. Our reactions to Kari Ann inform us about us as much as they inform us about Kari Ann.
I am personally intrigued by the show; I have much respect for the vast majority of those that participated in the process and revealed so much about themselves with the hope of becoming better individuals and evolving as people. I think the draw of the show is seeing the interaction between the patients, and how these vastly different personalities attempt to bond while exposing so much of their private lives to one another. The interaction between the individuals and the relationships formed are typically what makes reality television interesting (if one thinks that it is), and these relationships are made more complex and intense in the rehab setting. Anyone that has experienced any type of rehab (sex addiction, substance abuse, etc.) as a patient knows that people become VERY close, very quickly in these settings. When one is forced to reveal his darkest secrets, fears and desires to complete strangers AND live with these individuals for 24 hours a day, strong bonds are formed in incredibly short periods of time. This is the case on the VH1 Sex Rehab show.
With that being said, I do find one aspect of the show to be very unappealing, and other people I have discussed the show with seem to share a similar view. That aspect is the general sense of entitlement, spoiled attitude, and disrespect toward the rehab staff that some of these “celebrity” patients unfortunately exhibit quite often. I completely understand the high stress, emotional pressure cooker that is created in a rehab setting, and that this climate could cause a patient to act in a way that he or she normally wouldn’t – this would possibly excuse the occasional outburst. However, the CONSTANT disrespect shown to the staff by some of the patients is inexcusable, and frankly a turn off. Some patients are seen talking down to, belittling, insulting and generally disrespecting every person on the rehab’s staff (or at least all those that are shown on camera). In addition to the overt disrespect, some of the patients simply pick and choose which aspects of the rehabilitation process they will participate in, which is an insult to the entire facility and the recovery process in general. I do not see the entertainment value in watching a D-list “celebrity” (certainly not someone you would recognize on the street before the show aired) demoralize and belittle a hard-working “normal” person who happens to be employed at the rehabilitation facility where the show is taped. Most of the audience watching the show can more easily identify with the “normal” person (employee at the rehab facility) rather than the pampered, self-important “celebrity,” so they don’t like those that they can identify with being treated like crap, especially since these facility employees are doing everything they can to help the patients better their own lives.
I do want to make it clear that I think most of the patients are generally respectful, engaged in the process, and seem to be generally thankful to be given the opportunity to better their lives, but the actions of the few patients on the other end of the spectrum can leave a bad taste in the mouths of those viewing the show. That’s just my take, and as I’ve said, I am an avid watcher of the show; those negative actions exhibited by the minority of the patients annoy me, but aren’t irritating enough for me to stop watching entirely.
Personally, I’ve had enough of Kari Ann and am glad that they are beginning to focus less on her because I was ready to stop watching if they didn’t. I am sick of hearing about the princess and everyone’s reaction to her. I hope that at some point Jill or Dr. Drew take some control of the situation. I was also appalled at Jill’s brushing aside of James comment about wanting to “rape the s— out of” Jennifer. I couldn’t believe she said no boundary had been set. To me the boundary had been set the first day by Dr. Drew when he said no touching and must treat each other with respect. It sounded to me like she was just trying to avoid any liability in any possible lawsuit because while you are a patient it is their job to provide and maintain a safe therapeutic environment for you.
I am in no way condoning James’ comments, but I think in fairness, perhaps they should have shown the conversation between he and Jennie, so at least we would have had some context. Of course telling someone you are going to rape them is unacceptable regardless of context, but I have a feeling he didn’t just make such a comment out of the blue. If the conversation between he and Jennie was silly and flirty and he made such a comment, perhaps he wouldn’t be viewed as such a monster by the audience (and other patients).
I feel slightly bad for James, because it seems that the comment he made will cause the rest of the patients to completely ostracize him. I’m sure it was difficult for James as it was, trying to gain some sort of acceptance from those 5 or so patients (Jen, Duncan, Kendra, Nicole, Amber, Phil, etc) who became so close and clique-ish rather quickly (which is not uncommon in rehab settings), and now, after making the awful statement to Jen, it seems they will never give him a chance. In the previews, it appears that is exactly the case, as that tight-knit group will form a united front against James, and make sure he feels like a leper for the rest of his stay at the facility (with the exception of Phil, who seems to be trying to keep an open mind, especially since he is James’ roomate).
I don’t care about James’ excuse. The word rape does not belong in any type of “Flirtatious” or “Joyful” conversation, and he doesn’t need to be whining about “How fast people turned against him” when he triggered her and minimized what he did.
I have had so many issues with people throwing that word around, and Jennie was the first time I saw someone have a similar reaction to me. I’ve had panic attacks because people say the word as often as you would say “And” and “The” and they tell me to get over it. I have actually been sexually assaulted after people have said things like “Don’t make me pull over and rape you” and since just about everybody if not everybody on the show has the issues they have mostly because of being abused like that, it was totally inappropriate. If he had handled it better, maybe people wouldn’t react to him like that. But he kind of isolated himself anyway- he wasn’t being rude and screaming like Kari Ann but from the beginning people noticed how he was always channeling his energy into doing crazy stunts on the treadmill, skateboarding around and stuff.
Hey, I’m so glad I found your blog. I think you’re an amazing person and I wish I could give you a hug. I have PTSD and major depression and a lot of it is due to sexual abuse that started when I was 4, but I kind of reacted the opposite way of sex addicts and have been more on the receiving end of the sex-addict style relationships, being cheated on, complained to because of not having enough sex, etc. But you said so many things that I can relate to, and I felt that you had a lot of excellent points about how ostracized you felt and how they should have had at least someone else that was gay involved in the show somehow.
I just searched and found your blog here. I wanted to say thank you for your honesty and bravery on the show. As a ‘celebrity’ show it can be dismissed by many for obvious reasons, but it has affected me. I was sexually abused by an uncle from my earliest memories until I was 14. I also experienced a rape in my teens and was physical/emotionally abused throughout childhood. The strength that it takes to ‘go there’ can not be explained and it is almost harder to really express those feelings because we can so easily box things away. Unpacking them is the hard stuff.
I have many times acted out sexually and I know it is directly connected to my experiences. I believe it was in episode 5, when you saw the therapist and he talked about re traumatizing the child within each time we act out, I lost my breath. I also had never thought of it that way and it has brought a change in how I react to those urges to act out sexually for love/attention/whatever.
Anyway I am going on here but I just wanted to thank you from the bottom of my heart for exposing yourself in such an open and vulnerable way. I get what that took and it helped me a great deal. Thank you Duncan. Nothing but the best to you on your journey.
Duncan,
You are such an intelligent and insightful person. I really can appreciate your realizing that despite Selma left, it was not about Selma being in the process but about all of you being in the process.
You are such an intelligent guy…it would be really cool to know someone like you.
Happy Holidays Duncan and a Merry Christmas.
I’m keeping good thoughts for You, and eveyone on the show.
Cheers,
Andy
Well-written. Thanks. As someone who has struggled with an addiction myself, I really appreciate what Craig Ferguson has to say about it. If you’d like to see my blog it’s here. Thanks again for this blog – it is really informative.
I’m late commenting b/c I started watching the show late as I don’t have television. I’m a bit frustrated with the show b/c I think it had a more promising start, in terms of actually getting to know the people involved and understand the process. The show leaves out so much of the important stuff and focuses on the trivial. However, watching the show has been a truly important experience that has helped me understand sex addiction (I was always on the fence about it b/c it’s always presented so superficially) and understand how certain behaviors of my own fit similar patterns. I then set out to find out, on my own, more about the people involved. I’ve read Jennie’s blog and just started reading yours. It’s helped to flesh out what isn’t shown on the show. I think you’ve done a wonderful service for many people by agreeing to take part in the show and bringing it to some kind of attention that isn’t just some headline accompanying a Hollywood actor on the cover of a gossip mag. I feel like, despite the things VH1 has done to make the show less than it could be, it’s still more of a positive thing.